awareness

Beth’s OLW for 2019

 

Overdue post.

I’ve joined in the OLW (One Little Word) trend every year for the last few.  I’ve had words like focus, joy, more, and yes act as a tone-setter or guide through the year.  It usually takes me a few days to settle on one after thinking about where I am in my life and how I hope to grow.

What about 2019? After considering options like courage, go, and forward, one word kept coming back to me.

Fearless.

I originally didn’t like it since fearless strikes me a negative word.  It is about the lack of fear, instead of a positive trait like courage or fortitude.  But, then I thought about myself.  I do have a lot of fears.  I operate from worry and fear too much of the time.  I let worry keep me from taking on challenges, tasks, and possible joys. I want LESS of that for myself.  People notice when I am acting from a place of confidence and energy.  I carry myself and approach the world differently.  It shows.

So, fearless it is.  Fearless captures the power, the passion, the strength I hope to embody this year. I know this won’t mean I am suddenly unafraid or free from worry. It’s more about changing how I react to worries. I’ve already noticed myself telling friends not to get hung up on what they can’t control.  Not to operate from a place of fear.  In those moments, as I encourage friends to confront fears, I am encouraging and reminding myself, too.

Maybe I’m finally learning that, in the end, I’m the only one who catalogs my failures, not to mention the things I don’t even try to do in the first place (which are even bigger failures).  I’ve got to push forward and keep growing into myself.

This week’s example: sled pushes.  My first reaction was NO. I’m scared! I’ll get hurt! I’m too weak! (In my fearful, defensive voice!)

Then my good friend KT encouraged me to do it. Well…

And so I double checked with Coach Alex to be sure I was minimizing the chance of injury or aggravation.  He gave me form tips and the green light.  So, in front of people much stronger than me, I pushed the darn sled.  Faster and heavier than I would have ever done on my own.

Fears do come up.  They always will. It’s my choice to bow to them or challenge them.

Friends and coaches who know where I’m coming from and where I’m going help me keep pushing, fearlessly. (And in the pic below, I imagine Superman telling me I can do it, too!)

I’ll share updates about this as the year goes on.  Cheers to fearless, 2019.

 

 

anonymous letters

Dear JackASS!

 

Today I decided to put my thoughts on paper regarding an unpleasant situation that has reared its ugly head in my life over the past several months.

Let’s start with the person I will name Jack Ass. He is an insignificant person in my life and he has limited ties to me socially. However, he most likely reads this blog. For giggles, I decided to give him some time in the spotlight. Not to shine a positive light at him, but to rather let him know I see him and his ways, and they don’t dictate my actions.

Let’s go back a few months in time. This jackass took something from me while I was out of town. It was a prized possession of sorts. Something I cared for with boundless energy and emotions. Fortunately for me, my special piece was returned to me with limited damage in just a few short days.

Upon return, the buffing process took place. Shining like a fine diamond. I was watching the item blossom in a way. Take shape. It was amazing to see the transformation in such a short time.

Then boom! In the blink of an eye, it happened again. Are you kidding me? Not again! Does lightning really strike twice in one place?

The odds are against it for the most part, but again my prized possession has been stripped of me. This time it’s not so easy to get back. He knows I know he has it. A firm warning was given yet a silent FU was received and duly noted.

Time’s a passing. Tick tock, tick tock. The reckoning day has arrived. An in-person meeting of sorts. And ewww he is the ULTIMATE JACKASS. There is no doubt in my mind. Once a jackass, always a jackass.

He shows up with a smirk on his face and a chip on his shoulder. What is wrong with this guy? He has something that I have nurtured for years but he stakes claim to it. I have never seen anything like this in my entire life. It is absurd to say the least.

Taking possession of another’s prize possession and matter of factly claiming ownership.

I am not sure what he thinks of me, but it’s okay I won’t be swayed by his condescending tone or his ugly words. I will take the high road and give up control to gain control. I will let him hold onto my prize possession because he has a death grip on it. He clearly needs my item for emotional support or other mental reasons I can’t even imagine.

He asks for my support of his needs. Are you crazy? I can’t support you but I can pray that my prize possession can weather yet another storm and come out unscathed.

In this day and age we are faced with many difficult situations. Today’s world is so much different than when I was growing up. I am not sure the mindset of people who prey on others who are nice.

May my jackass acquaintance find his own prized possession or find a new focus on one of his own possessions so that my piece may be returned before all is lost.

I can offer hope through positive actions and inspire others on most days. I believe in karma and I hope karma comes calling for Mr. Jackass. I may have the popcorn bowl already waiting for such a fine day.

Until then, be nice to others. Hug your loved ones. Keep an eye on your valuables and, most importantly, don’t let the jackasses of today ruin your day.

Tomorrow is a new day. A new set of adventures. You can live a life of lollipops and rainbows even if you don’t have that one prized possession anymore.

This open jackass letter was written as a form of therapy and free speech. I encourage everyone to grab a notebook and jot down their thoughts or feelings when troubled waters arise. There is something very therapeutic about writing vs. using your words against a person, place or thing. Choose kindness, it’s free.

And remember do unto others how you would want others to do unto you.