I seriously have no clue. I send my kids money for food. I receive rent payments by Venmo. I pay dues for kid’s sports by Venmo. I pay for my hair cuts by Venmo. The list goes on.
Now today I got my kid’s babysitting money via Venmo. Just nuts to think about. The touchless payment life we all live. It doesn’t seem like that long ago that I didn’t know what Venmo was. Now it seems like a requirement in life.
Convenient? Yes. Secure? I think the answer depends on who you ask. Venmo may be my app of choice but there’s Apple Pay, Cash App and others. So many touchless options. Sitting on the couch sending your friend money for a coffee. How convenient.
Does anyone even use cash anymore? Do you even know your ATM password? Some days I feel like I live in a Jetson cartoon world. And kids today rarely know how to make change for $1.00 without technical aids.
What will the next new technology trend be? iPhones and AirPods change versions in the blink of an eye. The artificial intelligence in my phone seems to know where I’m driving next and what I should buy at the store or online.
What happened to independent thought? Technology in a way takes away basic problem solving skills. Will tomorrow’s adult be able to create new tools for future generations? I wonder because so many young adults lack basic skills that I had growing up because I didn’t have technology at my fingertips.
Ah the crazy life we live in today’s digital world.
Your lack of planning doesn’t constitute an emergency on my part.
I have a schedule.
I have feelings.
I have a to do list like most people.
If you ask I’m willing to help anyone.
If you demand I help, see where it gets you.
Are you a giver in life?
Have you felt like a doormat before?
Did you let others know how you felt?
They didn’t like it.
Will they change?
Who knows. It’s really up to them to look in the mirror and decide for themselves.
Did I change? Yes I did. I’m less trusting. I’m guarded. I’m bitchier. I’m proud of myself.
Today I gave to many. Unfortunately many close to me took advantage of me. My time. My mental energy. My talents. My pride. My joy. My rest. My smile. It was replaced with anger, frustration and grief. Did anyone even notice?
Overnight I have to glue myself back together. Dust off my crown and smile big tomorrow. For I have people relying on me in many facets of my professional life. I do all this over and over again. Sadly the people closest don’t see how their own selfishness impacts me in many ways.
Part of me thinks they just don’t care. Other parts of me think they just expect me to do, do, do because I always have.
Did I put a sign on me that said I’m a doormat go ahead and wipe your feet? I don’t recall doing something so absurd. Not sure where this happened but it did.
I’m tired of entitlement.
As I ring in 2021. I am hitting the pause button on being nice. I’m shifting to me, me, me. I’m really the only one I can count on.
I guess I’m thankful for 2020 and all its fuckery so I could clearly see what’s been in front of me for years. With the slowdown of life I just had more time to see it happening. In slow motion. Truly sad but true.
2020 was a year that upheaved many goals. Maybe it was the rules changing about where we can go and what we can do. Maybe it was shifting priorities from getting out and going to just hunkering down and staying safe. Maybe it was self-imposed or created limits of mental exhaustion and the like.
Whatever the reason, 2020 pulled the rug out from our runway of dreams. The universe laughed at our plans. Goals had to shift. Travel, work, adventure, all kinds of things had to pivot.
I looked back at my goals and in a conventional sense, I didn’t meet them. I’m not giving myself a pass because life got hard. It is what it is. But, inspired by Gretchen Rubin, I decided to make a little “Ta-Da!” list, which reminds me that despite my 2020 challenges, things still got done.
I maintained my fitness regimen, moving my body pretty much daily. Most of the time this meant working out at home or in the gym, but I also started hiking more often and put many miles on my bike.
I took a more active role in my personal finances, learning how to move money around and make it work.
I partnered with trusted friends to purchase the property for 3Splitz Farm. We navigated the first stages of planning and implementing the vision for our rustic paradise.
I started a new business of my own.
I established a 501(c) and led that organization through a successful first year.
I bought a new car.
I read lots of books.
I parented my kids through a trying and confusing time in their lives.
I maintained several of my health priorities: eat well, drink well, connect.
I lifted up my friends and loved ones to lighten their mental loads.
2020 wasn’t what I expected, and 2021 won’t be either. Some of these accomplishments weren’t on my radar at all this time last year. This has all informed how I am thinking of my goals this year. Leave a little more room to move, to play, to grow.
I had to stop myself from writing the “shadow truths” about each of these goals. For most of these bullet points, there is something I could have written as a “but…” But ta-da lists shouldn’t come with qualifications. These are what they are, and many are a start. Several appear in my goals for 2021, to enhance, improve, and expand.
Change impacts people in many different ways. Many don’t like change. Some fear change. Others crave change. Where do you fall in the mix?
For me, I crave change. I like variables. I dislike the hamster wheel feeling. Running in circles with no end in sight. I enjoy challenges that come with change. The unknown. What’s around the corner. How will I react?
Amidst a change in ownership at my gym, I learned my daughter doesn’t like change. What an irony since we have been living in constant change almost the entire year thanks to the pandemic. She said she likes things just the way they are. She doesn’t like to change the paint on the walls. She doesn’t like to move things from one side to another. To test this theory, I asked her to change bedrooms with me. She thought about it. She seriously contemplated. Can I have your bathroom too? Yes. She debated. The final answer is no that’s too much change! I will be missing this. I would need to do this different. The list went on. It was all the negatives and no positives.
I learned a lot during this process about her and how I can help her adapt to the change she faces in school due to the pandemic and other unexpected scenarios. I also learned that I again love change and thrive at even thought of changing rooms. The excitement was in the air. Would I like the new environment? How would I change the layout. What fuels me, panics her.
Are you the type to live in the same house for 50 years because you don’t like change? Is it the inconvenience of change or the stress of change? Since some may fear change is that the same as not liking change? I don’t think so. Some truly fear change and get anxiety over change. While others just don’t like change as it’s uncomfortable or just an inconvenience. An annoying interference in your normal life.
Are you the type to keep the same job through retirement because making new friends and adapting to new environments is too uncomfortable?
How many kids struggle with change if their parents move because of the unknown?
The sooner you test your tolerance to change the better. Knowing where you stand is important. Knowing how to adapt or help others around you see the positives of change. Especially when change can strike without notice forcing you to learn a new skill or may mean new friends. Changing environments or scenery may be just what the doctor ordered for your life.
Can you adapt or pivot if you got laid off from work or would you fall into a dark space? This is a change many can’t predict. Happiness is a choice. Choose happy. Where you are today is sort of tomorrow’s history lesson. You can visit the history at any time but change is in front for you. A forward progression. You chart your path ahead when you embrace change. You already know what history gave you, why not see what change brings to your future?
Thought post #1121. Hope you are enjoying your new year.
It’s the Garage Games Competition time. Master’s division/scaled for this girl this weekend. I wrote about the preparation for this comp a few weeks back but so much has happened in between that post and the actual competition itself.
Corona waves hit some of the competitors I knew, making their prep come to a halt. The recovery for COVID and its impact on one’s lungs will make competing extra grueling for these folks. They will get it done at their best level for that day. I will be cheering for them between rounds as I can.
The comp itself changed some setup rules to accommodate for more social distancing due to waves hitting the area. Only active athletes competing can be inside the gym for their heat. No fans cheering. No warm ups in the gym. No watching the heat before yours. So many changes. These workouts are non-forgiving so that extra cheer will make a difference for some who want to give up in the moment.
Warmups are outside but it’s freezing out. So very cold at 6am, 7am and so on. The bars are cold. The chill is in the air. So that’s a whole different element of warming up your body and then performing in a different temperature inside.
Talk about added stress for me. It’s also stressful to know I will immediately be shuffled outside as a sweaty mess to cool down in the elements. That’s a recipe to get sick as in a cold. Not COVID but a cold. Unfortunately, now days a cold is like COVID where you have to be locked up if you have the slightest cough or sniffle. So yeah I’m not thrilled.
The reality is also hard to think about visualizing how you compare to others on that big board outside of your home gym when you might feel like a big fish in your pond but when you go in the ocean you seem so much smaller.
The leaderboard is part of the experience. The measuring stick. How you measure up to others who are CrossFit junkies in your age band of 5 years. There is no asterisk next to your name that says competed under duress. For me the comp is a challenge of myself. The will to push through and thrive as a party of one in hard times. In today’s crazy climate which is a shit show on most days. The temperature elements in the environment. The COVID restrictions. The lack of cheering. It all dials back to just me. Which ironically has been what a lot of 2020 has been for me.
Self discovery. Finding hope inside of oneself. Pushing through individually. A party of one it literally is. My daughter and friends are coming to cheer me on through the windows. Thanks to COVID they have to stay outside in the cold for the safety of the athletes participating. I get it but that’s part of the competition. The crowd. The cheers. The roars. As a competitor I feed off that. There will only be silence and the silence will kill your performance if you let it!
This is a battle I wasn’t expecting when I signed up. I guess I could just celebrate that’s it’s not canceled but I can’t. The reason for this is I did a few virtual races already this year and I again missed the chaos of the crowd, the cheers and the small touches that make those events fun.
When will the world stop snatching all the fun things from us? How long will the madness of isolation, separation, and masked life and more go on? My pals improvised. They made signs and yelled through doorways. I loved their efforts.
My mini group will have fun in our outdoor parking space of solidarity. Socially distanced. Bundled up in warm onesies and blankets. No hot cocoa. No fire barrel but maybe we will have a makeshift heater. Here’s to parking lot madness on a Saturday with good people getting their fitness grind on. This is what masters do. They master adversity. It’s a sign of grit.
(drum roll please) Comp results:
I completed all three taxing workouts.
I didn’t die although I was exhausted.
I changed outfits three times so I wouldn’t be sitting in sweaty clothes in the elements.
I wore a hat during a comp for the first time ever!
I met a cool competitor today and we took a ton of pics together.
I had fun with all the parking lot shenanigans.
I munched on comp snacks from the darkness of the morning through the day.
I put up my best efforts given the environmental challenges.
Now I get to see where I fall on the leaderboard. Took the gold for the local comp. Let’s see if I make to the big board.
It’s time to move on. A new day. A new week. A new month. A new year is on the horizon. On to bigger and better things as this event is now history.
The next event on the chopping block is sunrise yoga with the girls for a fun holiday gathering since we can do this distanced. How are you ringing in the holidays this year?