Tag: family

challenges

Burdensome

2chicksandapen

What does it mean to be a burden to others?

For different people this answer can stretch for what seems like miles from one extreme to another. There is the obvious burden for our elderly. Unable to care for themselves 100% or dependent on others for shopping, driving, personal care, even tech support. Sometimes the need is even as simple as companionship or mental stimulation. All these things take time and effort. Once capable adults may find themselves in need of help on weekly or even daily basis. 

There can be other scenarios for adults that are harder to see. Emotional, intellectual or even medical challenges or disabilities. These often cause dependency issues relating to transportation, housing, finances amongst others. 

Tragedies or accidents or diseases with crippling effects. Confined to a wheelchair or hospital bed. Limited mobility during recovery. Medical care costs, time traveling to appointments, the red tape of insurance claims, referrals, the list goes on. Each scenario can make the individual feel like a burden to others. A dependency problem. One may perceive themselves to be a burden while others may be willing to offer support without thinking of their actions as burdensome. The mismatch can become a barrier between people. 

Hope. A simple four-letter word. We can all offer hope to others through our positive actions. Sending a note card, a text or making the phone call. Checking in to offer a helping hand. Some will accept while others will deny any help.  They may even hide the fact that they need assistance. Watch for other signs with those who deny any need for help. Depression. Isolation. Self-harm. Lack of interest in religion. Giving away prized possessions. These signs could lead to other issues.

Maybe it’s their stubbornness or I can do it mentality. Maybe they don’t want to waste others’ time. Let’s face it, we will all find our selves in this scenario at some point in time. How will you handle the burden dilemma? Will you accept help willingly? Will you ask for what you need? Will you want to be isolated and do it all on your own? Will you consider quitting the fight all together?

On the other end, if you offer support is it endless? Is it just a starting point? To force the one struggling to face their problems head on? Will you continue to offer support time and time again? What if somebody takes advantage of your kindness? How does one communicate to the person in need that it’s okay to have help? It’s okay to work as a team. It’s okay to not be okay all the time, but it’s never okay to take help for granted.

Sometimes the one who needs the help becomes a taker because the giver allows it. One must always set boundaries. You can offer help but expect change and effort (or at the very least gratitude) in return. And watch out for reverse abuse. Words can hurt. The one who feels they are a burden can lash out at the ones closest to them. Unless you have that hard conversation the hole will continue to build. Consistent and honest communication can go a long way toward sharing the burdens so no one gets overwhelmed. 

challenges, perspective

Goodbye Vs.

2chicksandapen

Is there a difference between goodbye and see you later?

Yes!

Goodbye could mean you are heading off to work. Off to take a trip. You’re fired from a job. There are many uses for the phrase goodbye.

Similarly some may use the phrase see you later as you head off to work. Head off for that trip. After being fired from a job. I guess it depends on who is making the conversation that decides the definite nature of which term is more appropriate.

Will I see you later? 

Is later defined as same day?

Maybe later in the year?

Later in life?

Goodbye may be more long term in my mind. Parting ways not knowing when you will meet up again. Will you ever meet up again? Some refer to saying goodbyes at funeral for example.

Such an odd thing to write about yet it’s what’s on my mind. I recently parted ways with a person that I wasn’t sure what term to use.

See you soon?

Goodbye for now?

See you later?

Goodbye?

In the end I was thinking that goodbye may be too permanent of a choice in words. What if me saying goodbye meant good riddance in some way? What if goodbye was misinterpreted? I had many questions of myself on what to choose in the moment.

Sometimes we can’t see people we want to see up close and in person. I’m pretty sure we all learned that during Corona. FaceTime and other mediums definitely help with those traveling abroad, living abroad, those away at college or even distant family and friends. 

What gets tricky is when service isn’t available. No wifi access. Poor cell signal. A remote camp site. No access to technology which can be by design or not. Does that make the choice of words different when you have a gap in time that you will see or speak a person?

I think so. Bye for now. Offer hope for next connection whether in person or electronically. Maybe a special pact for how to insure the next connection point is solidified. How I must think about how to use the right words at the right time for the right situation.

This isn’t goodbye. It’s more like see you later. The date may be unimportant now but the hope of the day is ever present. Relationships can endure so much when communication is at the forefront of the relationship. Choosing words that are appropriate can be key in so many scenarios.

Finding common grounds for tomorrow even if tomorrow is days, months or weeks away. Hope. A simple four letter word that can carry forth one’s spirit to see the sunshine of tomorrow.

Dearest best friend in California who lives miles and miles away. For now I say goodbye to you. Not a forever goodbye but more of a see you later, although it may not be soon. It is my hopes to see you again when our vacation schedules sync up again. For now we can use whatever social mediums or web access we can find to keep our bond going. One day at a time. For we will know no matter the distance apart the strength of our connection can endure the the lapse in time.

I enjoyed thinking about how to reframe my goodbyes that I conduct in life. Goodbye to friends and family in the phone. Goodbyes to clients in person or by the phone. Am I a hug it out kind of person or a high five or maybe the awkward nothing.

Through this thought process/post I have decided I am very open to hugging it out in person. I am a what’s next for the business meeting closures. I am good with closures in emails. I am not good at goodbyes on the phone. When I’m done I’m done. But what if that was my last chance ever to say good bye?

Just a ponder post.

author moments, family

The Ball Field

2chicksandapen

It was a sunshiny day just after spring hit the air. A routine trip to the ball field for the third time this week to watch a game. It seemed like such a mom / dad thing to do after a workday. Then the phone chirps. It’s a Snapchat and another friend was at the ball field. Different sport. Different age group. Different gender. A weekday at the ball field was not for just me. It seems like a regular occurrence to run into friends and acquaintances any time one is at the ball field. 

On this day at the field the restroom visit was required. No toilet paper. Seems to be expected. The bleachers were the next stop. The gentleman next to me noted, geez they need to power wash this place it’s disgusting. I glanced around a bit. Maybe 60% seemed to be female and 40% seemed to be male in the crowd. Maybe 50 people were in attendance. All in their own conversations. Many talking about others nearby. Sometimes in a less flattering way. 

Then the match began. The heckling began. The obnoxious fans ran their mouths from both teams. Gasps were taken by some. Feet were stomped by others. Some raised their hand wide as if they were speaking to a large crowd. But no. Most times they spoke to themselves or those who heard them but didn’t listen. It’s so funny to observe actions at the ball field amidst competition. 

It was just another day at the ball field. Parents squeaking about play time or bad coaching. Players dancing at half time. Mispronounced names on the announcements at the start of the game. This time around their were no concessions so they’re might have been a few cranky siblings complaining about no sugary treats. I supposed that was a missed fundraising opportunity for the hosting team.

Most of the energy was focused on the loud and annoying teens that showed up late to the game. They heckled the players. They even chose to bark. An interesting barking sound. Loud screams were mixed in. Shouting towards the referees for calling against the home team. I must circle back to the barking noises. They were very odd and distracting for me and I was a good bit away. I can only imagine how the players felt that were nearby.

A day at the ball field. It’s something everyone should experience. From the age of 4-6 to middle school to high school and of course college. The sports may be the same but the audience can surely impact a game. These days sports seem different than when I was younger. I had more fun, less pressure and a stronger desire to grow as a player and teammate. These days kids seem to be strung up on perfection. Parents want highlight reels. Coaches want wins without looking at how to build character and teammates. 

One should really attend a game at the ball field where you know nobody. Listen to what goes on in the stands. Observe the coaching or lack thereof. Watch. See if leaders emerge on the field. Listen to how teammates speak to each other. See how hostile spectators are who are doing their best to officiate the game.

A day at the ball field. It can be as interesting as a day of people watching at the airport. Just stop, look and listen to what’s around. Maybe one will learn how to behave better at their own kid’s event. Who knows.

Just an observation post to think about.

challenges

Make Today Count

2chicksandapen

Life is full of emotions.

One day you feel amazingly accomplished. The next day you can feel deflated as if your world just crumbles beneath you. It’s life they say. How do you deal with the ups and downs of life?

A week doesn’t go by without the craziness of friend or family member in turmoil. Emotionally distraught. At wit’s end because of x, y or z. It can be hard to be the person to shoulder all this weight from many different angles and or people. Exhausting at times.

Tomorrow is a new day. Never let today’s worries weigh down your tomorrow. You have to be able to reset or your burden will continually grow until the weight can’t be carried further. This is normally where emotions are high and people say things they regret. It’s inevitable.

Do yourself a favor. Worry less about changing others and change how you react to negativity. You can control your attitude. Your actions. Your emotions. You can’t control those things in others no matter how much you try. 

I feel good today.

I felt good yesterday.

I felt good the day before.

Why? Because I wasn’t carrying the burden of others. I may have shared in the burden by listening to their challenges, but I didn’t carry the weight. I offered support. I will continue to offer support as much as I need but I won’t do the heavy lifting.

I’ve written about givers and takers in life before. I see it often. A good example is the friend who needs your shoulder often. You give it often. However there is never a return gesture. They never ask how you are doing. They never ask if you need anything. They talk but don’t listen. They take but don’t give. Most often these are the folks that carry the hefty mental and emotion burdens. Guilt. Hatred. Fear. Judgement. All of it.

I choose to start fresh. Not a care in the world each day. It may be for 5 minutes or 5 hours, but I start fresh. I make today count. I may not always do the things on the to do list. I do however find a way to do something on the ta da list. Sometimes planned. Sometimes not.

Start fresh.

Start again.

Don’t live with regrets.

Make today count.

Make today count for you because you only control you.

family

Catch

2chicksandapen

Today I played catch.

A baseball.

A glove.

An adult man child.

I could have said no.

I could have made up an excuse why I shouldn’t.

I could have missed out.

Instead I chose to seize the moment.

I haven’t played catch since about 2020 with this guy because it’s probably not super cool to catch a baseball with your madre all the time, but today it seemed just right. A little quality time. A little walk down memory lane. A little reminder I still can toss a strike and catch a bounce pass on a whim. I might have been surprised to know I still have my grip strength to squeeze that glove tight. Hug the ball with my hand through the leather glove.

This little break from the ordinary was fun while it lasted. A short spurt but a memory for the bank that hit the spot. I was all smiles when he tossed me the glove to go outside and I was all smiles while I participated. I might have still been in my tennis skirt from earlier but I wasn’t complaining that my outfit didn’t match the sport. As I reflect I think back to the t-ball days.  The cute baseball pants that were almost always too big. The travel ball days full of Big League Chew and batting gloves. The hours at the baseball field on tournament days. The tournament t-shirts. The decorative helmets to signify badassery at the plate. The all-star games. The politics of kids in sports. The snack bars. The nights under the lights. The younger kids in tow. All of it.

Today it was just mom and the big boy. No Big League Chew. No umpires. Just the man child and his momma. Tossing in the yard. Some fast pitches to check if we still got it. We did. Some fly balls into the sun. We handled the glare just fine. The dogs chasing the ball with full speed with each pass until they became completely wore out and panted as if they hadn’t seen water in days.

I will cherish this day in my yard. Playing catch. I will hear the sounds of the ball hitting the glove in my mind for years to come. I will recall the dogs’ zest to catch each toss and chase that ensued. Back and forth they went. I’ll remember the smile I had on my face. The warmth in my chest.

Unexpected fun in the sun.

Never say no to these rare opportunities. Your chance to catch life without really giving too much of yourself. Time is a thief most days but today time was graceful.

Just glad I played catch today.