family

The Fog Rolled In Fast

It was a Friday night. A little chilly but tolerable. An outdoor event was on the agenda. All seemed normal until the riveting phone call shattered the ambient air.

A different kind of chill entered the air. A painful chill. A sudden chill. A heartfelt chill. A family member passed that chilly night.

Our beloved Axel the husky was killed tragically when he escaped from a fenced yard. A runner by design but loyal friend to the end. Axel was smart, fluffy and a joy to be around. He was the runt of the litter when we got him, overbite and all. He was just perfect for us.

Like most families we are less than perfect thus a pup with an overbite would fit right in. The breeder said don’t you want to pick a different one? Nope he was the one that we thought was special. We all loved him in an instant.

Year after year he played dress up and entertained the kids shenanigans and photo shoots. Pretty sure he made his way into many tiktoks over the years and he was always photogenic.

Axel never met a stranger. He was well-mannered but affectionate. This tragedy has left me in a fog since I found out about his fate. I can’t turn back time but I can honor his memory.

Axel was a therapy dog for one of my kids. He comforted him when rough times were upon him and he provided companionship when it was time to play. Dogs just know what their humans need.

Every time I run and want to quit, I would think Axel is running along side me in heaven and he wouldn’t quit. When I’m sad like I am now I will flip back in my photo reel and smile and say those are tears of joy not sadness as we had many good years and memories together.

When my family is sad I will support them as we work through this tough time together. The hurt will pass in time but I am forever thankful for my memories.

I do have other pets to help me soothe my sorrow because they know when their human is sad. I am grateful for this but anyone who has dealt with a tragic death knows all to well the ripping from ones arms is so very different than the death of somebody aging.

Unplanned. Unexpected. Unwanted. Those are the ugly U words that come to mind today as I sit in fog holding onto to memories. Say a prayer for my pup in doggy heaven as he chases squirrels or whatever he so chooses to chase. You will be missed Axel!

These bold blue eyes will forever be visible in our hearts. 💞 As with any loss of a family member one must mourn. This post has been sitting for a bit until I was ready share and honor his memory. Lost but not forgotten.

celebrations, family, Uncategorized

Isolated but Lucky

I’ve been in isolation for a while like most around the world. I get out for fresh air when it’s not raining. I’ve taken a bike ride with a friend with the 6-foot rule. I’ve spent some time with my family. I’ve adapted to my at home workouts. I’ve eaten more carbs than I probably should and so on.

There have been moments of annoyance but nothing that hasn’t been manageable. I’ve been able to celebrate my aging mom as she stays with me for some time during the pandemic. For this reason alone I can say I made epic memories during the pandemic. It may seem weird to some but I wouldn’t have had the time or opportunity to spend one-on-one time to this extent with my aging mom had the pandemic not surfaced. I’m sure that statement is offensive to some but it’s just my way of finding the sunshine in a shitty situation.

Whatever the reasons are that led to the timing, I am thankful. Many memories were made and I just got some quality time with her that I can be selfishly happy about. She may have preferred to be my dad’s side but he can’t have visitors currently so her being with family is the next best option. I got to celebrate three generations of baby girls:

As I mentioned previously my photo reel is real. It’s real important to me. It captures moments in time that will never be repeated. One day I won’t have that opportunity but today I do. 

That’s my daughter’s hair on my mom’s head as we facetime my mom’s great-grandchild to make her laugh. Taking advantage of time, technology and saving the memory.

Duck faces for relatives far away. My mom doesn’t even know how to operate a smart phone but she is willing to pose not knowing what I will do with the photos. I’m sure she gave me warnings but I probably didn’t heed the warnings.

As the world around us seems dark and dreary, find your sunshine. I’m sure it is around you. Maybe you need to look a little harder but I’m sure it is there.

Next week may bring different challenges as more and more shelter in place orders come down the pipe but for today we celebrate the moment as the world seems to change hourly these days.

Take the time to write a note to a friend or loved one. Pick up the phone and make that call. Color a picture for somebody in a local hospital. Use your idle time to benefit others in need.

Stay safe. Stay humble. Be kind.

 

family

What Was Taken?

Coronavirus has taken many things from many people but today it took my mom away from my dad of recent.

My dad lives in assisted living / memory care. My mom does not but she visits him daily. Due to all the health concerns she can’t visit him like she normally does daily. Hours of companionship lost. Talk about sad. On top of that she watches the news and sees messages of people age 80 and older will be left to die in places like Italy. I can’t even imagine her mindset.

This is traumatic for her and we can only imagine how hard it is on my dad. We have no way to tell him why nobody is there to visit. And if we did he may forget thanks to his memory. I mean sure he can get a message but he relies so much on the human interaction face-to-face. This process repeats daily and is vital.

Touch and visual stimulation of familiar faces vs. care workers is something that is hard to quantify but it’s part of his daily living. His days are limited. It seems like time is being wasted without visits.

I have to fly to visit. I am set to visit in a short time. Will I be denied access due to flying to see him? Will I even be allowed to fly as it seems each day gets worse.

Will he think we deserted him? Will his health decline? So many questions. No real answers. Time is all we have yet it seems like there is never enough time.

Coronavirus you have taken many things away from many people. Taking the elderly away from their family is just something I didn’t expect nor do I want.

Jobs will be lost. Financial woes are upon us. Small businesses will suffer. I am not one for negative vibes but this post is part of my own personal therapy as my normal has changed along with many others.

My blog is my keepsake of these troubled times. I may not want to remember but as long as I am able I will post away.

A big sigh from me as I wait with the rest of the world. My situation may be far less stressful than some but seeing anyone close to you suffer is never easy.

As one with Irish heritage, I post this today in hopes of good luck and good fortune for all. Happy St. Patrick’s day!

May this Irish wish grant you some peace or a smile. ☘️ 💋 ☘️

adventure, family

It’s Just 4 Inches

It’s a Saturday and the day is planned. The weather man calls for snow the night before. They could be wrong, right? I’ll have my duck boots ready just in case. They are normally just for fashion but I guess they have a purpose.

It’s a chilly 31 degrees at my house and the flurries start early. The day’s activities are cancelled, but it’s not the end of the world. It’s just time to have some fun in the snow.

First attraction is the snow itself. Living in the south we see snow once a year if we are lucky. For us this is the first snow in two years. The smartphones start rolling. Instagram pictures across town now become my weather channel.

We snuck out for a quick coffee and puppicino (basically whipped cream in a cup). I have a Jeep so we were okay to drive in the dusting that had appeared at this point.

Now it’s time to see how the puppy likes the snow. She isn’t sure at first but quickly adapts. At one point I think she put her paw prints in every inch of my yard. Round and round she goes. And her cute coat is full of mini snowballs all tangled in her fur. Funniest thing ever. Yes we had to use a blow dryer to get them out.

Then it was a snowy photo shoot with the teen. It was silly but fun at the same time.
It didn’t seem terribly cold while outside either. I can definitely say that this was my first snow day photo shoot but any time spent with my girl is fun and if this is what she wanted to do, I was all for it.

Coming in and taking off the boots, jacket, scarf and hat had me remembering my childhood days of playing in much deeper snow and the excitement of coming in for a hot cocoa with extra marshmallows.

Today we will bake cookies, knock out some laundry, watch movies and do a bunch of nothing. Some days it’s good to do a bunch of nothing. I’m also about to eat some nice chicken soup after playing in the snow. And it definitely hit the spot.

As I see online some of my friends enjoying the snow their way. I see one taking advantage of the hot tub they have. Another jumping on a trampoline. Another just enjoying a coffee and a fire. Somebody even looked super cute on the roadside in a ditch. They were safe but definitely looked cute in their workout outfit. Another had a makeshift sled made out of pool lounger. It did work. However my friends chose to spend the day, I am just glad they all had fun. Some unexpected fun.

I normally don’t get excited about 4 inches. Somehow, the cold and fluffy 4 inches of snow was refreshing. I guess it’s all about perspective. 4 inches can really be a lot of fun.

Funny when I wrote this my niece told me meh, 4 inches was nothing compared to her 18 inches in Vermont the same day. I can safely say I never want to live anywhere it snows that much.

If you had a snow day this year I hope it was a good one just like mine. If you have an abundance of snow days, I just hope you like snow. On a side note I enjoyed the dusting of snow but I really enjoy the sunshine, the beach and the warmer climates all that much more. And that’s why I will spend next week in the sunshine state (Florida).

family, health

Getting Old Sucks

Getting old sucks on many levels. Your joints hurt. You become less flexible. Your hair either falls out or turns grey. You mobility eventually diminishes. And then your mind starts slipping. What doesn’t suck about all that?

Watching a loved one deteriorate is as debilitating as watching an addict dip deeper into their darkness. You see it in the coloring of their face. You see it in their gait. Maybe even in the speech or memory. You see it in their eyes. You see it. You live it. You hurt because of it. It’s a rippling and crippling effect if you let it consume you.

Its hard to watch whether near or far. Its challenging to not be consumed with the stress and worry as loved ones make hard decisions over and over again. Is it the right choice? Would I make that choice? Was enough money saved to cover the exorbitant care for seniors at a staffed facility? Will the staff take good care of your loved ones or is it more like sending them off to jail?

So many questions. No real answers. I don’t want to grow old for this reason alone. I want to stay as youthful as I can and live every day as if it was my last. In my experience elders of today don’t want to burden their adult children who live busy and hectic lives. I get that but then I think fast forward to when I am old. My kids grew up in a whole different world than I did. Landscape may be the same but the environment is so different. How will my kids handle me when I am older? I don’t even want to know the answer to that.

How will my family react when I reach the age of interventions and difficult decisions? I think it is time for a time capsule of sorts. One that will list my wishes as of today while I am of sound mind and body. Not my will and who gets what in my estate. What I need to remind myself of when its time to make the hard decisions that I might be too emotionally invested in to see the forest for the trees. One that can be a reminder when I am old and stubborn of what it was like when I was faced with the challenges of managing my parents’ future golden years and / or torture years as end of life nears.

Death is never anything one wants to talk about yet it is always something one should be aware of. Sudden death. Accidental death. Tragic death. Natural death. They all lead to the same harsh reality. And there is always a mess to clean up. A funeral. Tidying up of affairs. Settling unfinished business. Coping with the sorrow of loss. Moving on without that person(s). Wishing for just one more day. One more holiday. One more birthday.

I wrote this post before the tragedy involving Kobe Bryant and the others who perished in the helicopter crash (big news story). This would classify as a tragic and unexpected death. One that has lots of suffering for the ones left behind. Tomorrow is never promised. Make sure you tell those around you how important they are to you each and every day. You don’t want to live with the regrets if you are confronted with an unplanned death.

This isn’t a happy or sad post. Rather it is a matter of fact, in-your-face kind of think-out-loud post. One that may make you think of those aging close to you or maybe it may make you think of future planning or maybe it will even have you crying because of your past history. Whatever category you fall into, thanks for reading. This is just my vent to the world as I mutter my way through the life of aging with my once active folks who are now ornery, lonely, troubled, and at wit’s end with what to do next for 101 reasons.

I also thought I would publicly share that when I am old, I plan to be in the Senior Olympics. The event is still undetermined but I do plan to excel in whatever event chooses me. Betty White, an original Golden Girl, turned 98 about the time I wrote this post. The radio referred to her a sex symbol back in her day so I figure I can be a Senior Games athlete in my future. xoxo from cyber space

family

August, Where Did You Go?

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School is back in session. Child #3 is living her best life as a teen. Not quite ready to drive, but on the path to turning 21….in her mind anyway. Fall sports and a robust social life are in full swing as well keeping adults on the go or in the car! Check out me and my mini…

Work, work, work. Some say summer is slow, but for me I go, go, go. Keeping up with purpose work, professional engagements, community involvement, household chores and so on. I blinked and the month has come and gone.

Big things are in motion for my boys. Each charting their own path but lots of hustle and promise on the horizon. Moments like this make me celebrate being a mom.

Travel time. I had a little adventure to see my family up north. Good times, good memories. 2 kids in tow to visit the grandparents. Time well spent with relatives I don’t get to see often. Recharged and ready. Bring on Fall and all its adventure.

Cool Fall air has got to be on the horizon now that September is here. August has been way too hot. Despite the heat, I had a blast this summer. Fun fashion stops. Retail therapy on steroids. Plane rides, train rides, scooter rides and Uber rides made my summer one to remember.

As September sets in, its time to focus and wrap up the year. What’s left on the agenda? More writing of course!

adventure, family

On the Move

Life is full of adventures. With me, you never know which road I am going to take or which path. That’s what makes me special. Just when you think you know my patterns, I will change things up.

I beat to my own drum, as my Mom would say. I find the road less traveled interesting. What scares some excites me.

I am on the move. Changing my scenery. My front yard. My back yard. The four walls of my home are changing. Going back to the basics. I hear my oldest brother in the background saying “What are you a gypsy? Moving again?” Just living my best life, I reply. I can live big or I can live small or anything in between. Some choose to stay in one fixed place for their life. Not me. I am on the move!

I am trading in the nice house in the prestigious suburban planned community for a more quaint home on a decent-sized plot of land. A little more privacy. A little less home owners association rules. A few more birds chirping. And lot less cleaning to do.

Thank you Zillow for the hours and hours of entertainment from the convenience of my comfy couch. I feel I am an HGTV expert and I know love bathrooms, kitchens, renovations and the endless possibilities of revitalizing the old into the new.

A shock to some. A little peace to me. Happy to have supportive folks around me, crazy enough to ride my waves of change and live the excitement life can offer when you take chances.

Burning the candle at both ends they say. Early morning workouts (can’t miss), long work days (can’t miss) and then move, move, move. Lots of heavy lifting. Lots of shifting. Where to put things? How to re-organize life inside my four walls. Exciting and challenging all at the same time.

I opted to move myself. My family is a well-oiled machine. We band together to get things done when needed. Our time frame. Our labor. Our budget. This process is definitely not easy but I am happy with the progress. My body, on the other hand, is beginning to think I am a bit crazy for the torture it is going through currently, but like all things this phase will soon pass.

Started to add the personal touches to make the house a home. I even did my first DIY project: I chalked a mirror that didn’t fit into my new space as it did in the old one. Pretty fun project. Very simple and cheap ($7 can of spray paint). The outcome was better than expected since I am not super crafty. The cool thing about this piece is its purpose. A welcome board. A sign-in space of sorts. An autograph board. A leave-a-positive-message place. So many uses. One tiny investment. A piece of renewable art within the house that can be forever changing. Need some color pop? Just change the color of the chalk. It’s the little things that make me smile.

Living my best life today. Keeping my perspective fresh. Stay tuned for updates on the dreadful moving process and upcoming DIY projects that are on the horizon. The awful stress of selling a home and having strangers trample through your house is happening at the same time. Not to mention your home is showcased online showing all your personal space.

Oh the comments people make on this or that. When you sell a house that is used, it’s normally lived in. Therefore the process of selling is annoying. Your house is supposed to be perfect yet lived in. Talk about an irony. Add kids, a busy life, and and and…

I figure why not write about it. I am an open book anyway.

Enjoy my rants.