challenges, perspective

Sleepless Shit List

Do you ever have a sleepless night? I do. Sometimes I’m worrying about a kid. Sometimes I’m thinking about a deadline. Sometimes I’m mad. I could even be excited for an upcoming trip. Anxious for a doctor appointment. Any number of reasons.

Today’s reason was just the normal bullshit that built up over the week. Anger would be the feeling or distraction. Wrestling with my kids to find solutions. Planing ahead.

Thinking about rainy day scenarios. Covid blah. Sort of like playing a game of chess with yourself inside your brain. Sounds fun right? Not exactly.

If I don’t sleep good my workout sucks in the morning. If my workout doesn’t flow my morning usually blows. From there the day goes down hill. Add in the crazy of a normal day and everything magnifies.

I am sure there are people in worse situations and that’s why I hit the reset rainbow button in the morning. Training my mind to see the rainbows and sunshine in the day vs focusing on life’s blunders.

Some days this works better than others. Today I decided to make a shit list in my head. Hopefully to tire myself out. Ironically I fueled it. Like gasoline on a fire. Poof. The shit list went from in my head to paper to the white board.

Who is on it? What did they do? How does one get off it? Is it even possible to get off the shit list? So many questions. The point is I have a shit list currently. Funny how my sleepless night turned into a shit list.

I tried to soothe my mind as the weekend approached. I put the AirPods in for a cardio session at the gym. I eased the anger a bit it not enough. I spent time with a loved one. It took the edge off but not enough. I mowed acres of grass. The fresh cut smell of grass was soothing. I found an escape even if temporary.

I circled back to my environment and the shit list was still there. Each of the top three independently made selfish decisions yet again confirming their status on the shit list. How funny to be awake and realizing what I dreamed in my sleep was factual.

So crazy. The shit list remains. Those on it know. Now it’s up to them to get off it. But will they?

challenges

Too Much Poop

One poop.

Two poops.

Three poops.

My puppy decided to sneak into my home office to poop. Not once. Not twice, but three times! The stinky poops in an average size home office space. Stink lingered but there is a back story.

Poop one was spotted upon entry to the office. Off I went to get Lysol, paper towels, swiffer and so on. Cleaned up only to see poop pile two lurking in the general vicinity. Seriously, I said to myself. Back for more paper towels to clean round two. I thought I was done. I put the cleaning supplies away. Washed my hands and burned a candle to offset the stink.

I settled back into my chair or cockpit. Answered some calls. Sent some emails. Wrote on my to do list. All the while it smelled like poop. I couldn’t figure out why the scent was lingering. I went to the restroom and realized the stink followed!

Poop was on my shoe. I had to clean my shoe, the trail to the bathroom and so on. Back to the chair I go thinking I’m done and ready to work. Nope! Not the case at all. The poop bandit left me a third gift of poop that I didn’t notice initially. Little booger did it under my chair. My rolling chair. The one with wheels with tiny little crevices where the wheel attaches to the base.

I wanted to take a deep breath. I wanted to scream. I maybe even wanted to cry. Why this on a Monday. Not a good way to start a day let alone a week. It was a shit fest. A nasty mess to clean.

Off I went again for supplies. Cleaned. Cleaned some more. Cleaned again to be sure. Today was the day to clean and disinfect. 

One poop.

Two poops.

Three poops.

No more poops.

I definitely had my share of poops.

This poop saga was too poopy not to share. I hope you enjoyed a little giggle at my expense. I think I would have liked to deal with three explosive baby diapers than three dog poops with my circumstances. pile of poo

challenges

Creepy Spiders

These black and yellow nuisance spiders are everywhere. I wake in the morning to their newly spun webs when I take my dogs out. They are not thin webs you just pass through. They are crafted by web masters who want you to feel their presence. The stick to you Like glue. The spiders themselves grow and multiply like nothing I’ve ever scene.

That web hits you. Sticks to you. Startles you. As you get the creeps, you look quickly for the lurking spider that is somewhere watching you. Then when you see it, you realize you are doomed. There are eggs in the webbing. And normally friends come over at night and camp out in their adjacent web. before you know it there is a colony of spiders surround your house. I had a legit panic attack when I got caught in the chaotic web this morning.

This past weekend I found them on my vehicle. From the side mirror to the back of the car. Across the truck bed on another vehicle. We even left one and road on the highway. 75 Miles per jour and that damn spider sat it’s it’s web like it was having the ride of its life. Maybe these spiders are going to take over.


If you go on vacation, beware. The suckers multiply and grow much like a weed. I house sat last week and the spider infestation  was disgusting at best. Black and yellow spiders need to go far away. However it seems my community is ground zero for these invasive spiders. Most people I know are plagued with them. They are just foul.

I will Most likely have spider nightmares tonight after writing this creepy post. Hope you enjoyed the creep Factor included in This post. Look at the spiders lurking in the air but it’s really that carefully spun web of nastiness.

Did I mention I don’t like spiders?

challenges

Solo Episode 2

Going solo isn’t so bad. On a recent drive I enjoyed my solo time. My time to think without interruption. The party of one time was valued. I don’t always like being solo but I’m ever so capable of standing firm solo. To me there is a subtle difference.

I also caught up with a another person who took a bold solo step in life to see how things were going. A fresh outlook. A newer view on the same horizon. Opportunities were starting to open up that were out of reach while lumped in a crowd. Going solo was a bold move for this girl. She took a chance. She is seeing how a chance can pay off. Going solo wasn’t an easy choice but the choice itself is showing her strength as one.

I then read a post online about a young man. His journey is one of health and fitness. One that requires him to overcome many individual obstacles. He is persevering but can never compare himself to similar athletes as his path is far more complex. He wrote something that stuck with me. Progress not perfection. His solo moves are bold. There is no comparison. He too shows his power and strength as one. Going solo was the right move for this young man.

Now I flip to going solo when it’s not a choice. The one left behind. The kid nobody wants on the kickball team. Chosen last. Feared as the weak link. The isolation of just one left waiting to be swooped up on the team. How can that person show his power as one when already defeated?

Losing your soulmate. Losing you a loved one without notice. So many scenarios of going solo but not by choice. How does one overcome the fear of going solo when it’s not a choice? How does one see their purpose as an individual vs a team or duo? How does one prepare for taking the unplanned solo route. There is no easy answer. Practice would be my best advice.

Go to the store alone. Assert your independence. See how you soar. You may not like going to the store alone but you need to know you can do it. Practice will build confidence.

Take a trip. Plan it alone. Pack for it yourself. Take your path whether it’s the long route or short route. Make the choices. Be okay with whatever comes your way. Being content with what you choose is an important part living solo. Practice will make you stronger. No two scenarios are the same. This experience over time will solidify your party of one strength. 

Practice being solo. The only way to be ready to take on the solo route with confidence is to practice. You are the only one who controls you. The power is all you. Don’t wait for others to include you in the big trip. Don’t wait to be picked last at kickball, show your solo strength. 

Independence can be powerful. If others around you struggle with their independence you might have to model for them. You might have to go solo more to show them it’s possible. Don’t let fear keep you from trying to go solo.

You might even surprise yourself with the benefits of going solo. The path may be just what you were waiting for.

This message can apply to many people in many scenarios. I may write as if it’s about me and my life. It may be or it may be about others. That’s the beauty of this blog. It’s meant to inspire others. If you read this and it seems like it’s for you, it is. 

I see many people in my life. I see many who triumph. I see many who struggle. Some situations are temporary while others seems so permanent. Only you control where you go now and in the future.

Enjoy your next milestone solo. Inspire another to go solo. Make this post infectious.

challenges

Going Solo

Sometimes going solo may seem scary but it’s the best way to grow. Stepping away from the comforts of what you know to see what you could be. 

An example could be stepping away from your job of 5 years to take a chance on a new start up company. There are many risks for leaving the security and stability of a long term job but the rewards could be well worth it. On the flip side if the company flopped, you had the experience. There is a value in just the experience! Everyone can easily start over again and again with the right attitude.

Another example could be leaving your friends behind on a sports team to try out a new team. Maybe the team travels to new cities. Maybe the team has better coaches. There are again risks to losing your seniority or spot on your current team but the chance to grow could be far bigger. If on the flip side things didn’t work out at the new team at least one would know they tried and again had a great experience. A fresh start could also happen again and again. Staying fresh is learning and has tremendous value.

Sometimes the path less traveled is scary. Fear is normal. However, if the path less traveled was easy everyone would take it! There is a lesson to learn about taking a risk. There is a lesson to learn about the experience and/or journey as well. There is also a lesson to staying in the status quo life and expecting change.

If I wanted to run a race, I would invite friends to join. I like people so it makes sense to go in a group. If schedules didn’t allow for friends to go, I would take the solo route. Why? I would need to learn to go solo. It might not be my favorite thing or most travelled path but it’s the one worth taking.

I wanted to attempt the race.

I signed up solo.

I had to travel solo.

I completed the race solo.

I rode the ferry home solo.

I conquered my fear solo.

I set a personal best solo.

I enjoyed the adventure solo.

I embraced it all solo.

In the above examples I am showcasing how going solo is an option. An adventure. A risk. A chance. Going solo is not for everyone. Going solo takes guts. Going solo means talking about just me. Party of one.

I’m very capable of being a solo girl but I also enjoy the group adventures. I however have learned many times going solo is a viable option. Many won’t ride solo for multiple reasons. It’s sad for me to see but I get it. My choice to lead solo when I need to is setting an example for others around me.

Maybe it’s one of my kids seeing me face my fears which shows them they can too. Maybe it’s a friend or colleague that will take their chance in life because they saw me go solo.

Going solo isn’t for the faint at heart. Going solo is about my growth. That statement alone may sound selfish but me being enough for me is what matters at the end of the end of each day.

My solo trip really isn’t just about the examples above. It’s really about me and life. I have to make solo decisions daily. Sometimes I’d like consensus but the solo route is best. Sometimes I’d like to blame others for outcomes but really I am solo in life. I make decisions to do or not do. I make my adventure or my journey what it is today, in the future and what it was in the past. 

I go solo each day like many but I take the solo route more than many each day. There is a subtle difference. You may have to reread this closing. Enjoy today solo.