Tag: friends

challenges

Burdensome

2chicksandapen

What does it mean to be a burden to others?

For different people this answer can stretch for what seems like miles from one extreme to another. There is the obvious burden for our elderly. Unable to care for themselves 100% or dependent on others for shopping, driving, personal care, even tech support. Sometimes the need is even as simple as companionship or mental stimulation. All these things take time and effort. Once capable adults may find themselves in need of help on weekly or even daily basis. 

There can be other scenarios for adults that are harder to see. Emotional, intellectual or even medical challenges or disabilities. These often cause dependency issues relating to transportation, housing, finances amongst others. 

Tragedies or accidents or diseases with crippling effects. Confined to a wheelchair or hospital bed. Limited mobility during recovery. Medical care costs, time traveling to appointments, the red tape of insurance claims, referrals, the list goes on. Each scenario can make the individual feel like a burden to others. A dependency problem. One may perceive themselves to be a burden while others may be willing to offer support without thinking of their actions as burdensome. The mismatch can become a barrier between people. 

Hope. A simple four-letter word. We can all offer hope to others through our positive actions. Sending a note card, a text or making the phone call. Checking in to offer a helping hand. Some will accept while others will deny any help.  They may even hide the fact that they need assistance. Watch for other signs with those who deny any need for help. Depression. Isolation. Self-harm. Lack of interest in religion. Giving away prized possessions. These signs could lead to other issues.

Maybe it’s their stubbornness or I can do it mentality. Maybe they don’t want to waste others’ time. Let’s face it, we will all find our selves in this scenario at some point in time. How will you handle the burden dilemma? Will you accept help willingly? Will you ask for what you need? Will you want to be isolated and do it all on your own? Will you consider quitting the fight all together?

On the other end, if you offer support is it endless? Is it just a starting point? To force the one struggling to face their problems head on? Will you continue to offer support time and time again? What if somebody takes advantage of your kindness? How does one communicate to the person in need that it’s okay to have help? It’s okay to work as a team. It’s okay to not be okay all the time, but it’s never okay to take help for granted.

Sometimes the one who needs the help becomes a taker because the giver allows it. One must always set boundaries. You can offer help but expect change and effort (or at the very least gratitude) in return. And watch out for reverse abuse. Words can hurt. The one who feels they are a burden can lash out at the ones closest to them. Unless you have that hard conversation the hole will continue to build. Consistent and honest communication can go a long way toward sharing the burdens so no one gets overwhelmed. 

challenges, perspective

Goodbye Vs.

2chicksandapen

Is there a difference between goodbye and see you later?

Yes!

Goodbye could mean you are heading off to work. Off to take a trip. You’re fired from a job. There are many uses for the phrase goodbye.

Similarly some may use the phrase see you later as you head off to work. Head off for that trip. After being fired from a job. I guess it depends on who is making the conversation that decides the definite nature of which term is more appropriate.

Will I see you later? 

Is later defined as same day?

Maybe later in the year?

Later in life?

Goodbye may be more long term in my mind. Parting ways not knowing when you will meet up again. Will you ever meet up again? Some refer to saying goodbyes at funeral for example.

Such an odd thing to write about yet it’s what’s on my mind. I recently parted ways with a person that I wasn’t sure what term to use.

See you soon?

Goodbye for now?

See you later?

Goodbye?

In the end I was thinking that goodbye may be too permanent of a choice in words. What if me saying goodbye meant good riddance in some way? What if goodbye was misinterpreted? I had many questions of myself on what to choose in the moment.

Sometimes we can’t see people we want to see up close and in person. I’m pretty sure we all learned that during Corona. FaceTime and other mediums definitely help with those traveling abroad, living abroad, those away at college or even distant family and friends. 

What gets tricky is when service isn’t available. No wifi access. Poor cell signal. A remote camp site. No access to technology which can be by design or not. Does that make the choice of words different when you have a gap in time that you will see or speak a person?

I think so. Bye for now. Offer hope for next connection whether in person or electronically. Maybe a special pact for how to insure the next connection point is solidified. How I must think about how to use the right words at the right time for the right situation.

This isn’t goodbye. It’s more like see you later. The date may be unimportant now but the hope of the day is ever present. Relationships can endure so much when communication is at the forefront of the relationship. Choosing words that are appropriate can be key in so many scenarios.

Finding common grounds for tomorrow even if tomorrow is days, months or weeks away. Hope. A simple four letter word that can carry forth one’s spirit to see the sunshine of tomorrow.

Dearest best friend in California who lives miles and miles away. For now I say goodbye to you. Not a forever goodbye but more of a see you later, although it may not be soon. It is my hopes to see you again when our vacation schedules sync up again. For now we can use whatever social mediums or web access we can find to keep our bond going. One day at a time. For we will know no matter the distance apart the strength of our connection can endure the the lapse in time.

I enjoyed thinking about how to reframe my goodbyes that I conduct in life. Goodbye to friends and family in the phone. Goodbyes to clients in person or by the phone. Am I a hug it out kind of person or a high five or maybe the awkward nothing.

Through this thought process/post I have decided I am very open to hugging it out in person. I am a what’s next for the business meeting closures. I am good with closures in emails. I am not good at goodbyes on the phone. When I’m done I’m done. But what if that was my last chance ever to say good bye?

Just a ponder post.

challenges

Make Today Count

2chicksandapen

Life is full of emotions.

One day you feel amazingly accomplished. The next day you can feel deflated as if your world just crumbles beneath you. It’s life they say. How do you deal with the ups and downs of life?

A week doesn’t go by without the craziness of friend or family member in turmoil. Emotionally distraught. At wit’s end because of x, y or z. It can be hard to be the person to shoulder all this weight from many different angles and or people. Exhausting at times.

Tomorrow is a new day. Never let today’s worries weigh down your tomorrow. You have to be able to reset or your burden will continually grow until the weight can’t be carried further. This is normally where emotions are high and people say things they regret. It’s inevitable.

Do yourself a favor. Worry less about changing others and change how you react to negativity. You can control your attitude. Your actions. Your emotions. You can’t control those things in others no matter how much you try. 

I feel good today.

I felt good yesterday.

I felt good the day before.

Why? Because I wasn’t carrying the burden of others. I may have shared in the burden by listening to their challenges, but I didn’t carry the weight. I offered support. I will continue to offer support as much as I need but I won’t do the heavy lifting.

I’ve written about givers and takers in life before. I see it often. A good example is the friend who needs your shoulder often. You give it often. However there is never a return gesture. They never ask how you are doing. They never ask if you need anything. They talk but don’t listen. They take but don’t give. Most often these are the folks that carry the hefty mental and emotion burdens. Guilt. Hatred. Fear. Judgement. All of it.

I choose to start fresh. Not a care in the world each day. It may be for 5 minutes or 5 hours, but I start fresh. I make today count. I may not always do the things on the to do list. I do however find a way to do something on the ta da list. Sometimes planned. Sometimes not.

Start fresh.

Start again.

Don’t live with regrets.

Make today count.

Make today count for you because you only control you.

awareness, mental health

Pinch Me

2chicksandapen

This can’t be real.

Another tragedy less than a mile from home.

A friend. A coach. A dad. A family man. A volunteer. One of the good ones. Gone too soon. His life taken selfishly by an angry man. Senseless act of destruction that will wreak havoc near and far.

I don’t have the words to show how much I will miss this guy. His music play lists were always amazing. His love for his wife was always showing. His dedication to his kids was without question. He service to his community was ever so selfless. His smile could be seen all the time. Intelligent. Charismatic. Loyal. Taken away from all who valued his presence. In the blink of an eye.

Our community has been hit by loss. One on top of another. The same small circle of teens are impacted for a third time in less than a year. How much can they take? What kind of world are we living in when people find their solution to their problem is through violence. 

I am sad.

I am mad.

I am lost in the world of today.

Is goodbye in the morning the last time you will see your family? Who wants to think about that as reality? Strangely it’s the reality of today. My co-author wrote about the violent murder next door earlier this year. I thought that was crazy. Then the sheriff shot a man with a BB gun next door to my mom’s house a few months later. If either of those things were not just random and close enough to me, yet a another murder happened to a good pal who was a law abiding citizen working at his desk in his office.

This world we live in today is crazy to say the least. I don’t take any day for granted post-corona. No way. I travel. I live life to the fullest. I write the stories of life here and there to share. It is my hope that in your area of the world you are not seeing as much violence as me.

3 murders this year, wow. Just wow.

2 vehicular homicides this year, wow. Just wow.

I’m beginning to think there is a curse floating in the air I breathe to be so close to deaths over and over again. Violent and senseless deaths.

Saying a silent prayer for society today.

adventure

Buckshot and Gil

2chicksandapen

Two rednecks.

One bus.

Comedic relief.

This is what you get in Nashville, Tennessee when you book the Redneck Comedy Bus Tour. It was definitely a memorable event. Everything from camel toes to child rearing jokes and anything in between all with redneck flair.

Buckshot was the lead comedian but the driver Gil had some great punch lines. His silver flowing hair from the seventies added to the show as did the beer belly and Pabst shirt on Buckshot.

I will never think of going to the bathroom in a woods again after this show. Something about a mud missile shooting out one’s rear and bear trap clenching the front side. Riding around and around and around the roundabout with the naked statues while the Redneck bus load chanted “boobies and dicks” will also forever be burned in my mind. I know this is art, but thinking about how many pass this with kids in the car crack me up since all I hear is boobies and dicks!

So many laughs indeed. Just what the doctor ordered. Laughter. I wanted to see the smiles. I wanted to hear the laughter. I wanted the fun time. The unexpected laughs. I got just what I wanted. A few bonuses at the end included the redneck sign challenge and a free flight at Old Smokey Moonshine. More unexpected fun and laughter.

If ever in Nashville check out the tour bus. Read the reviews. You won’t be disappointed. Ask for Buckshot and Gil.