Tag: friends

challenges

PSA #42

2chicksandapen

I’m not a doormat.

I don’t appreciate being taken advantage of.

Your lack of planning doesn’t constitute an emergency on my part.

I have a schedule. 

I have feelings.

I have a to do list like most people.

If you ask I’m willing to help anyone.

If you demand I help, see where it gets you.

Are you a giver in life?

Have you felt like a doormat before?

Did you let others know how you felt?

I did.

They didn’t like it.

Will they change?

Who knows. It’s really up to them to look in the mirror and decide for themselves.

Did I change? Yes I did. I’m less trusting. I’m guarded. I’m bitchier. I’m proud of myself.

Today I gave to many. Unfortunately many close to me took advantage of me. My time. My mental energy. My talents. My pride. My joy. My rest. My smile. It was replaced with anger, frustration and grief. Did anyone even notice?

Overnight I have to glue myself back together. Dust off my crown and smile big tomorrow. For I have people relying on me in many facets of my professional life. I do all this over and over again. Sadly the people closest don’t see how their own selfishness impacts me in many ways. 

Part of me thinks they just don’t care. Other parts of me think they just expect me to do, do, do because I always have.

Did I put a sign on me that said I’m a doormat go ahead and wipe your feet? I don’t recall doing something so absurd. Not sure where this happened but it did.

I’m tired of entitlement.

As I ring in 2021. I am hitting the pause button on being nice. I’m shifting to me, me, me. I’m really the only one I can count on.  

I guess I’m thankful for 2020 and all its fuckery so I could clearly see what’s been in front of me for years. With the slowdown of life I just had more time to see it happening. In slow motion. Truly sad but true.

friendship

Sunrise Yoga

2chicksandapen

I am so excited for sunrise yoga! I got an invite for a new kind of gathering this holiday season.

An invite from a beautiful and kind soul. The invite said:

This is a time to breathe together, pray together, meditate together, move together, laugh together and just be grateful to be together. As an added plus mimosas will be served!

Such a great idea to host such a special event around the holidays that will literally wipe away the woes of 2020. Ready, set, yoga!

After the stretching, an added bonus was relaxing in the hot tub. She really thought of all this details to make the group gathering special and relaxing.

News flash: And just like that the fun snatcher has arrived. The one and only Rona. Yep, that’s right Rona arrived the night before. Not even 12 hours to sunrise. Corona that is. The poor yoga instructor got COVID contact traced. Yup. Pop. Bam. Boom. Fizzle. Flap. Floop. Damn Corona just hanging out like flies on shit.

It’s really okay. We are tech savvy. Those not on quarantine will do makeshift yoga on the big screen and wash our woes away with mimosas and swap yet another shitty Rona story from 2020. Masks + mimosas + Internet + good friends = good times despite the Rona party crasher!

Rona just needs to go far away and stay there! Is 2021 here yet?

awareness

Grief

2chicksandapen

Grieving is different for everyone. Grieving is more difficult for some than others. This year I saw a lot of loss around me. Too much if you ask me, but it’s the hand I was dealt this year.
I lost a dog just before COVID. There are many times he is thought of but the memories in the heart last forever. He is running with the angels somewhere. There was just one Axel in my world. Forever a memory just like my childhood dog named Tuffy. 

Then a jovial business associate lost his battle with cancer in the early days of COVID. That was gut-wrenching but at a distance due to COVID. He made so many laugh. He inspired many in his years. He was just a big loss to many. He is better off now, in peace. No more suffering.

Then within 48 hours of my dad passing naturally my mother-in-law passed. Boom. Just like that. Two family leaders gone in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Amidst a pandemic. Travel bans, burial restrictions. So many nos. Not the goodbye one ever expected. The roller coaster and shock of a double whammy still makes me shake my head yet it still seems surreal.

Boom another colleague drops just like that. He was suffering in silence. Away from people due to isolation requirements with a low immune system. Gone and somewhat forgotten. Why? No service beyond the immediate family because of full-blown COVID. Time has passed. People have moved on. Did they forget? For those closest I see the hurt. Their healing is a delayed state. Still isolated. Lacking drive. Wondering why the circumstances are still what they are.

Time passes. Grief lingers. Everyone emotes differently. The fall/winter holidays are hard. The first Thanksgiving meal without that special somebody. That first Christmas tree without a special helper to decorate with. A new year alone. Isolation of a different kind sets in.

Depression hits some hard. Anger hits others. The pandemic is still here after so many months. Some haven’t moved on but some have. Isolation. Stress. Loneliness.

Check on your loved ones. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. I share my losses to help others who may still be grieving alone or in silence. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to miss that person. That’s all part of the process. You will have good days. You will have days that are a mess. Just keep picking yourself up and dusting yourself off. You can do it.

It’s time to honor the memories and cherish the moments you had with that special person with others. I’ve really thought about what I will do this holiday to make sure I include the one who’s missing in the celebrations of my family.

Their spirit can be echoed on in many ways. May you have a peaceful holiday no matter how you celebrate this year.

Make the most of what you have. Make memories. Share the special moments while you can. Even if it’s virtually.

friendship

First Impressions

2chicksandapen

Picture it: Disney World, pandemic 2020. We had a lot of time together that day. When lines were longish, there were games and idle chatter. We had a few precious maskless minutes as we enjoyed a meal in a social distance sit down restaurant. Lunch was wrapping up.

Somehow the idea came up…let’s do impressions of each other. Wow. Immediately queasy.

This group has known each other for a while and let’s just say we’re pretty friendly. We’re farmily after all. So the ups and the downs were all on display. All the quirks. Things we say too often. The things we complain about. How someone always forgets their wallet. Take too many pics on insta. Little phrases we use. How my daughter always loves to shut me down with “It’s FINE Mom” whenever I am freaking out about something.

Finally the spotlight turned to me. Yikes.

My laugh is apparently a thing. I laugh loudly and hysterically. And I slap my hand on my leg when I do it. Yup, now that the light’s on it, I can’t deny.

Then, I burst into song all the time. Right in the middle of a song, in the middle of a conversation or an otherwise quiet moment. Yup, totally me. (Do they know I’ve been singing the whole time in my head and some finally just popped out?)

I have photos of everyone going back to the beginning of time. I take pictures way more than anyone likes. Need a pic of a game or an event or a moment 10 years ago? Give me a sec while I scroll. Yup, I have the 256g phone. Alllllll the pics (even though I never post any of them.)

I talk about my workouts. I talk about my watch rings. I’m a little too vocal about burpees. Yeah, ok, I’ll take that too.

I guess that’s about it. Could be worse, I guess. A giggling, singing, photo taking, fitness buff. I’ll take that.

We giggled. We gawked. We acted each other out. When you’re friends like us, it is what it is. No holds barred. For better or for worse.

What’s your latest impression?

giving, health

Feeling Good

2chicksandapen

I’m feeling good today. The best I’ve been in a while. I’m firing on all cylinders and nobody is generally up my ass. Not sure how long this peaceful state will last but I’ll take it for even five to ten minutes.

Since I was feeling good today I thought I would write a post about being thankful since Thanksgiving is approaching. 

First and foremost I am thankful for my health. My general ability to rise each day and move freely without mobility restrictions.

I am then thankful for my family and friends. Without them I wouldn’t have the support I need to carry the heavy load I do each week. Each person is placed in my life for a reason not a season.

I am thankful for opportunities. The opportunity to serve others. The opportunity to inspire and motivate those around me.

The list goes on and on. Take some time to yourself and reflect on what and who you are thankful for this holiday. Drop a note, make a call, drop by for a visit and let your circle know how valued they are. This is free but many won’t do it.

Be thankful this year for something or someone. If you’re not thankful make a donation. Somebody will benefit and be thankful for you!