Tag: friends

friendship

My New Friend

2chicksandapen

His name is Garry. The spelling with two R’s is just as odd as the friend pairing. His age and mine are not even close but we met by chance.

A solid 30 years separate the two of us but our first conversation came easy. There was a common denominator to make the sparked connection but personalities added flair for sure.

Phone numbers were exchanged through a third party and then texting became a communication point. Funny on many levels but I do believe people cross your paths for a reason.

I had recently lost my dad and now an older gentleman entered my life under odd circumstances. I consider it a sign in a way that I was meant to have him around.

I even asked if he was gonna be my friend. He chuckled in person when I asked, but then signed a text BFF. I didn’t even know older people knew text lingo. Surprise to me.

Not sure what the extent of our friendship will be at this point; however, I made a new friend and that’s what important. This post was written Father’s Day weekend 2020 although it’s just posting now.

I could have been missing my dad when I felt the need to write about my friend encounters.

celebrations

Showing Up for Me

2chicksandapen

My friends and CrossFit community mean a lot to me.  My coaches are an important part of my progress. There are so many people who are important on my health journey. 

But in the end, when I go to workout, I show up for me. All the different versions. 

I show up for the grouchy one.  The tired one. The clumsy one. The one who doesn’t think she can do it.  I show up for the feisty one, the nervous one, the one who is just going through the motions.

I show up for the one who loves burpees and power cleans.  I show up for the one who forces herself to do thrusters and running.  I show up for the one who mumbles and grumbles and at times dawdles and always has to run to the restroom just before the countdown to zero.

I show up for the one who sometimes forgets how far she has come.  I show up for the one who thinks she will lose her momentum if she misses a single day. Who forgets that an off day won’t set her back 5 years.  

I show up to meet her.  Who will she be today? I show up to see what’s new and how she has changed.  Some days she surprises me. I show up to encourage her, to lift her through it.  

Keeping the promises I make to myself is as important as any other commitment I make in my life. A recent podcast featuring Ed Mylett reminded me how important it is to move, to detach from outcomes and focus on the process, and to follow through on the promises I make to myself. 

There are a few precious people I would put myself on the back burner for.  This is a huge change from how I used to be. I used to be willing to back burner myself at a moment’s notice for anyone who even asked. People I hardly knew. Heck, some of them didn’t even ask – I volunteered!  It was almost a point of pride to be that way. 

But the extreme selflessness I prized in myself cheated me of my strength, my energy, and my growth.  I am learning that I am better if I rank myself high on my priority list. And that means showing up for myself.  Even when it is hard.  Even when I am going it alone.  Even when no one high fives me.  The people who I would set it all aside for notice.  And they celebrate how I am changing. For the better. 

I can’t drink from an empty cup.  When I am there for myself, my cup runneth over, and I have more of me to go around. 

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perspective

Floating

2chicksandapen

Today I am floating. Drifting off in my mind. Thinking. Wondering. Being overly curious. Where did my mind go?

Many places were visited whiled I drifted but somehow I circled back to what was missing. Things or situations I’m missing because of the pandemic.

I miss the care free days of no masks. I miss the smiles you share with a passer by when walking at the park. I miss the handshakes with a colleague at the business meeting. I miss hugs. Human contact in general. Just so many things or situations I miss.

Then I think about a different kind of loss. How many people that have been lost for whatever reason during the pandemic. So many I know that had been put to rest without a proper farewell. Is it a coincidence that the death toll is high even if not pandemic related causes of death? Maybe those just gave up because they missed things like me. We will never know but I do drift to the place where I think about it.

So many things or situations seem unfair right now in life. Many changes that seemed temporary or are they permanent? All these changes have consequences. Now businesses are starting to crumble. Even if you have money to spend sometimes it’s hard to spend it with limited working hours, restrictions and lack of availability.

I needed to buy a couch. No stock. Not even the floor model was available. The store was down to bare minimums because the supply chain has been interrupted. I had money to spend. The salesman wanted his commission. No deal could be made. That is hard on any business.

You want to get your nails done. A local shop used to be open 7 days. Now it’s 3 days and appointments required. No fun break at the movies. No adventure day window shopping at the mall. I can’t, I won’t, I shouldn’t, and so on. All scenarios that I don’t like to comprehend.

I’ve filled my time with other things but I do still miss what I had access to pre-corona. As I drift, I think will hope be restored in our world? Will there be a new normal or something that closely resembles the old day-to-day.

I miss laughter. I miss touch. I miss many things and situations. I have these feelings and I know many others have similar or different feelings about the subject. I’m writing about it. Others may vent in other ways. Some may give up.

Be aware of friends, family and coworkers who may be struggling. It may be anxiety, financial stress, emotional burdens from previous scars of life and so on. Keep your antenna up and offer hope when you can.

May tomorrow the best day you can imagine. Drift, dream, float in your mind to escape the troubles of the day in some way. It’s a way to cope with change. Keeping in mind I love change personally but I don’t love my world to change without my input. I don’t want the unsteady ground. I want the sturdy ground.

Maybe my altered reality in my mind is where I find peace while we are living a pandemic life in the current. Drift away your way. I know I do.

awareness

Nightfall

2chicksandapen

It was a Tuesday evening in summer. Not too hot out, maybe 75 degrees. Sitting at a friend’s house in their backyard by their pool. Surprisingly no kids were around, not even in the pool.

No laughter. No whining. No birds chirping. No splashing of water. No dog barks. Nightfall was upon us. A simpler time of day in the yard.

The sounds of the night were so very different from the sounds of the day. What an interesting thought or moment in time to recount in this blog. Nightfall.

Creatures of the night were awake and singing to us. From the grass to the trees sounds were in full force. Crickets for sure were out in full force. Was there one or many? I can’t say for sure but it seems orchestrated or echoed.

A variance of chirps and high pitch zaps and wonky sounds in stereo in the backyard. It was calming. White noise, pink noise or whatever noise this refers to. It’s a peaceful sound. A simple sound of the peace within the environment.

How these sounds differ if the environment was a beach, a farm or a cruise ship. The click of the air conditioner turned on. Clack, buzz and the vibration hum set the background tone. The crickets sing on top of the bass sound. Layered on top are random zaps from a nearby bug zapper. Katydids egg on the crickets with their anthem. It’s a full blown orchestra if you listen.

Don’t let the silence kill you. Enjoy the carefree whispers around you. As a mom those silent times are few and far between. Embrace the silence. Enjoy the whispers from the grass to the trees. Appreciate the calming sense of the sound. If you tune out the chaos of the hustle and bustle of today’s world you will most likely sleep better at night.

If on a farm would I hear bears wrestling at night? Would I hear the moos of cows? Would I hear the sound of grass crackling when a deer passes by? Would I hear the sound of a horse wrestling in the solitude of his barn? Would I hear the sighs of those taking in the stars at night from their back porch? I may just have to research this.

I do know if I am at the beach instead of the backyard the night sounds are distinctively different yet calming in a different way. The rushing of ocean waves. Simple sounds but in a repetitive pattern. Swoosh. It may have a soft finish if the wave hits the sand or a harsh sound if the wave hits the rock. How a storm can change the sound in the backyard, the beach or the farm.

From a distant thunder to shaking of the roof when it draws near. To the sound of rain hitting your roof. And how different the sound is if your roof is metal vs. straw.

Nightfall. The sounds that ensue. Have you slowed down to appreciate the sounds of the night in your part of the world? How do your sounds differ from mine? Sounds are soothing. Enjoy your next nightfall. I know I will enjoy my next nightfall wherever my night falls.

challenges

Feeling Violated

2chicksandapen

I made a mistake the other day. I was careless. I used poor judgment. The list goes on and on. I let myself feel discouraged.

Because of my actions or inactions, I suffered. My wallet was stolen and / or misplaced. If the latter was the case a kind soul would have returned it. However if it was stolen the person would use it for their gain.

How did the situation turn nout? For the worse. Whomever located the wallet found a decent amount of cash, a photo ID, and two credit cards. They could have returned it but they didn’t.  They went to:

The liquor store first. Then the gas station. Then the local Autozone. The local sporting goods store. On to the tractor supply store. Then amazon. Then Boost mobile. A cheap hotel. Hotels.com was next. Then back to the sporting goods store 3 more times. Off to a shoe store. Back to a few gas stations.

All within less than ten miles from the place the wallet was misplaced. I feel violated. Somebody in my community is using my ID and my cards frivolously. Knowing full well it’s not theirs. It’s wrong. It’s stealing. It’s not nice.

The bad part is the business I lost the card at is one I frequent. Can I go back? I wonder if the person behind the counter took it? So many questions. The dilemma of filing a police report. Each place they chose to charge the card has cameras. The amount they charged will surely put them behind bars. Is it worth it for me? For them? For anyone?

At the end of the day, I cancelled my cards. All is okay in my world except for the fact my photo ID is floating around. Or maybe they discarded it. Maybe it’s a souvenir. It makes me feel a bit dirty and violated. Will they sell my information? Will they stalk my address?

Today’s world is full of many different people. People are messy and definitely make bad choices. It’s life.

I will unfortunately trust less now. I will lock everything up without hesitation. I will keep my head on a swivel and take mental notes of who, what, when and where I am and what my surroundings are. I won’t be violated in this way again.

I hope nobody has to feel the empty or loss I did over this situation. Clearly all items could be replaced but there is definitely an emotional scar left. A negative emotion.

Writing about emotions is healthy and why I chose to expand upon this situation. Life isn’t all a bed of roses. In my case it was a field of sharp prickly rose stems that wreaked havoc on me.

This fiasco also almost made me not attend a birthday celebration as I was in my feelings. That is also a fancy way of saying I was pouting. Needless to say I have the best group of friends who made me get my butt in gear so I could shake off the mad mojo and enjoy what was left of the day.

I did just that. I was happy until I saw that the person who stole my wallet was bold enough to hit the over $5,000.00 mark in fraudulent charges. That is more than a petty thief. That’s a habitual offender. Good luck to you whomever you are.

#2020sucks #2020shitstorm #stopthief