anonymous letters

Shhh

Shush.

Be quiet.

Mind your business.

Don’t ask any questions.

Shhh.

Why is it that people want to put you in the corner? They want to leave you alone. They want to see you but don’t want to hear you. Who wants to be shushed as an adult. Not this girl.

Freedom of speech, didn’t anyone ever teach you that as a kid? If I want to sigh in a business meeting when when somebody says something ridiculous, it shouldn’t be a big deal. When I play tennis and make a sound as I connect my racquet to the ball to emphasize the power of my stroke naturally, I should be able to. When I want to make a new friend and ask their name, it should be no big deal. If my bestie wants to sing her favorite song as she walks in the Walmart parking lot, it shouldn’t cause a commotion.

If there was a car wreck in my path, I would want to stop to see if everyone is okay. I’d stop and ask a question. I’d use my voice. If I had a coworker, I would inquire about their family. Not to be nosy, rather to be genuine. To genuinely get to know the person next to you. I’d be overall curiously engaged. Somehow today this message seems lost to many. So many folks want to mind their business and want you to mind yours. No conversation. No nothing that makes one stand out or command attention. I’m sure I can make my presence known without my words, but that’s not the point of this rant.

Maybe it’s spiraled out of control post-corona: don’t sit close to somebody at work. Don’t make friends at church, watch from home away from others. Don’t talk to strangers? I get that for kids but to me nobody is a stranger as an adult. Don’t even smile with your eyes. Don’t pry into somebody’s personal business. Don’t even make a peep on the tennis court, it’s distracting. Don’t sigh its not polite. Certainly don’t sing like you have your own concert in the parking lot. Nobody invited you to sing. How about screw you!

I will talk to who I want. When I want. I’ll make friends with who I want. I will certainly ignore who I don’t want to go talk to. I will always check in on others. Whether it be for mental health, support, cheerleading , among other valid reasons like checking my daily group chat to see who is the smarty of the day for completing Wordle. I’m a people person. Singing is an outlet for many as is music. Should we not allow music to nourish one’s soul. I don’t deal well with anyone who wants to shush another. It’s barbaric. 

I’m a people person tried and true. You can’t shhh me. You can’t put me in a corner. You can’t tell me don’t. The word don’t insinuates to do in my dictionary. Do it again. Do it many times for flair and reinforcement. I might even be relentless if I know what you told me not to do is talk to others or use my voice. Body language can speak just as loud as words but as long as freedoms exist for speech, don’t try to surpass or shush somebody.

Today’s rant is dedicated to the nice old lady who attempted to shhh me. She should go fly off on her broomstick and shhh herself. Her shhh attempt silenced me for a short time as I was caught off guard. Why would she be so blunt and rude? Oh because she is just that. Blunt and rude.

I do believe words are powerful. I do think writing is therapeutic. I think putting my emotions out into the web shows vulnerability and humility. I also think the variety of topics we cover can lead others to uncover who they are or where they are  going through our virtual voice. Right here on this blog.

Life is full of experiences. Some good. Some not so good. Many I know are up against odds as we speak, but they push through their obstacles. At the same time others stare at obstacles as if they were cement road blocks. A wall that can’t be climbed. A surface that is impenetrable. An invisible wall preventing oneself from being amazing. This is fear. 

Fear of the unknown. Fear of losing. Fear of gaining: fear of experience. Fear of trying. Fear of being good. Fear of losing a job. Fear of hurting somebody’s feelings. Just fear in all aspects.

Todays rant is simple. I was pissed off. I decided to write about it. This is what diarrhea of the mouth or should I say pen or maybe keyboard since this is what our writing looks like. Unfiltered. Just like the murky water of your toilet when you have legit diarrhea. On that visual I will sign off for the evening as I have now began chuckling in my bed as I just wrapped up this post. Laughing now ensures I will sleep well without a wandering mind. No chasing the shhh monster in my sleep tonight. 

Oh how my editor is going to cringe when I say post this bitch uncensored and unedited! I’m sure she will get past the initial shock of it but this pic below probably describes her face as she reaches this point in the post. Do I laugh? Do I cry? Do I say OMG? Do I almost want to barf? Probably all of the above and this pic depicts the oh shit face of tomorrow when this bad boy is read by my team. It will definitely be an oh shit moment or two that I can’t wait for.

Good night to all. Let the your mind rest as you sleep away the woes of today to be fiercely dedicated to making tomorrow awesome. Remember to use your voice. Talk to others. And sing that anthem you love in the public bathroom because you can. Listen with curiosity. And don’t shh or shush anyone. If you shh me, I am not your fan girl at all.

challenges

The Real Struggle

The struggle is real in life sometimes. I confidently state this based on experience and nothing less. Maybe I should say the struggle is real for many in life, daily. Different obstacles. Different battles. Different consequences. Different choices. Just a different set of variables that create the real struggle.

Anxiety is real.

Depression is real.

Fear is real.

Anger is real.

The list could go on and on. Sometimes it’s one struggle. Sometimes the struggles are intertwined like a tangled web. When multiple challenges hit at once the struggle compounds and many feel helpless. It may take a special person in their life to help them find the hope they need to see or feel to push through the barriers of tangled web. This person could be you. Always be ready to help others.

Today I had a struggle. I was angry. I couldn’t let my anger go. My anger hand many prongs.

I knew better than to let anger steal my joy. My time. My energy. My productivity. Despite knowing I held onto it for longer than needed. I knew my anger spilled over to others around me. This poor choice didn’t define me, rather it consumed me. It took a few unexpected wrinkles in my day to realize I could just let it go. Bye Felicia. It was like my day started over at that moment. A fresh start of sorts at almost 4:00 pm after I was no longer consumed by anger. 

Then a shift to an in-person encounter a few hours later. There was a need. I could aid in the solution. I was called to duty. A young life needed my support. My time. My me energy. My positivity. I was on it. I knew what needed to be done and I plowed through the action items. This struggle was different in content or context but in reality the let shit go aspect was a common denominator. The struggle was addressed despite the curve balls of the day. If I didn’t let go of my anger I might not have had enough mental clarity to help this young person. A good reminder to just let shit go that is weighing you down.

As I winded down for bed a close friend hit the “phone a friend” line. I was there on the other end. I listened with curiosity. We set boundaries. We discussed the value in seeing beyond 5 feet ahead. The what’s on the horizon visual. Hope was offered. Hope is free. Hoping for a better day tomorrow. Hoping for a new opportunity. Hoping to see what is ahead vs. focusing on what’s in the past. The past can’t be changed, but in the future you get to write your own story. A new chapter begins each day. It could be a happy chapter, a sad chapter, a progress chapter, a new beginning chapter or other fun stuff.

All three of these scenarios are real. The people are real. The problems are real. The pain is real. The struggle is real. Each chose the next chapter despite their burdens or struggles. Life’s path is never easy. Never uncomplicated. The adversity of life is part of the journey. Without struggles we could never learn about ourselves or others.

It’s easy to walk away from those who struggle. Many fear helping those who are struggling because it means sharing in their pain. Opt in. Offer to help others through the struggles. It doesn’t mean you need to give people money. It means you can help them see the sunshine in whatever is holding them back or weighing them down.

Do your part. Offer hope in any form.

This post is dedicated to my gal Patty. May everyone have the power of Patty as they overcome their next obstacle in life. 

anonymous letters

If then statements

Caution: irrational rant ahead.

People make me wonder sometimes.

Actually people make me wonder a lot of the time. Lately, I’ve noticed my mental script is doing more and more of these: a question version of the if / then statements I had to write for proofs in college logic class.

If you cannot pay your rent, then why are you eating out all the time?

If you cannot pay your medical bills, then how do you buy a car (and, with gas prices as they are, drive it anywhere?)

If you cannot afford to pay for your basic memberships, then why do you have a nicer camera than me? Better shoes? The latest fashion?

If you cannot make it to class, then why were you out partying last night (according to your instagram posts)?

I know, I know. Maybe the camera and shoes were gifts. Maybe they’ve made arrangements. Maybe they are down on their luck. Maybe I don’t know the whole story.

Well, surely I don’t know the whole story. I make judgments. Assumptions. Plenty of which are incomplete or even wrong.

Still, it’s frustrating when I see case after case of people falling short in their basic commitments but seeming to spend money on things that, in my world, are “extras.” Is it fun to pay the water bill? The mortgage? Health insurance? Dues payments for commitments I have voluntarily made? No! Is it fun to have to get up and go to class or work the day after a party, a holiday, a late night big game? No! Of course I’d rather sleep in, ignore my bills, take the day off, go on vacation, not spend hours meal prepping on the weekend and just go out to eat instead. Who wouldn’t?

It’s hard to quiet those murmuring voices in my head. It’s hard to keep my mouth shut when I know too much. It’s hard to be sympathetic when I feel like I am being mostly responsible with my time, my resources, my finances. I try to make sure the “have tos” are covered before the “want tos” make it in the mix. I feel like more and more people have those things reversed. They feel they deserve some “want tos” when the “have tos” haven’t even been dealt with. What makes some people feel that is ok while others buckle down and make sure things are taken care of? And in my world, that leads to the shit spewing that I mentioned in recent posts….

I know it’s more complicated than all that but still, it’s frustrating. Maybe one of our readers can share their wisdom.

Until then, just another rant from my side of the keyboard.

anonymous letters, author moments

Hey Ass$&/@!

I wrote a post a while back about you. I sat on it for a while. I edited the post multiple times. Each time downplaying the severity of the situation you have created. Finally I deleted the post knowing no person or persons, especially you, were worth my time. 

The time passed. Days, weeks, months, then a year. I was on and off about this dilemma caused by another. Sometimes silently debating the issues. The subject’s actions were questionable and they also gave me the creeps. Add in some environmental conditions and boom their true colors shined. Asshole traits went off like fireworks. They lit up the sky. I was not the only one to see them.

Here I am again revisiting the subject of the same asshole scenario. I’ve been questioning the gut feeling I had to write my story originally and why I didn’t stick to my gut. I was trying to maintain peace. Take the high road. Overall be an adult and a civil one at that.

Unfortunately the asshole that is in my life has grown to the epic asshole level. How sour does one have to be in their own personal life that they need to rain on your happy-go-lucky life? I ask this question of myself a few different ways. It’s inexplicable to me. However this is real life and this asshole is on me like flies on shit. As nasty as that description is, it is realistic.

Unfortunately, you will have to read the book to find out all the nitty gritty shit I’m knee deep in with this epic asshole. Until the book is published and chapter(s) are identified as asshole moments xyz, I would encourage everyone reading this blog to be nice.

Be nice and / or kind to strangers, neighbors, community servants and leaders, family and so on. You never know when you may need a friendly hand in the future and you never know who knows who or who is related to who. Kindness is a best practice in life. It also keeps you from burning bridges.

For those who are just assholes by default, I will say a prayer for you. I also make note that I believe in karma. If you are not a nice person karma will come bite you when you least expect it. And when karma hits it’s normally a doozie.

For now,  I continue to exercise my patience muscles relating to my asshole and the dumb situations he is creating for himself and others near him. I know that one day he will the get the shit storm in his face as payback for all he has been dishing out as a bully. Bullies do exist in adulthood. I can confirm this. I can also confirm an asshole can be lurking in plain sight. Visible daily. Those may even be the worst kind. Some bullies just have too much ego to let shit go when they should.

I, on the other hand, have no problem ghosting somebody. Heck you could live next door to me or work with me and I could easily ignore you. If you are a ghost to me, never expect anything from me. Not a single thing. 

I actually feel better about the fact that I pulled this post out of the dumpster file and put it in relevant. Life isn’t always a bed of roses so now and again I just need to share the shit show moments. 

Just another random post for our diverse audience from around the world. Today’s post is dedicated to curious folks from Canada and the Netherlands who check us out each month. Sending you a virtual wave from the Peach State.

challenges

Feeling Violated

I made a mistake the other day. I was careless. I used poor judgment. The list goes on and on. I let myself feel discouraged.

Because of my actions or inactions, I suffered. My wallet was stolen and / or misplaced. If the latter was the case a kind soul would have returned it. However if it was stolen the person would use it for their gain.

How did the situation turn nout? For the worse. Whomever located the wallet found a decent amount of cash, a photo ID, and two credit cards. They could have returned it but they didn’t.  They went to:

The liquor store first. Then the gas station. Then the local Autozone. The local sporting goods store. On to the tractor supply store. Then amazon. Then Boost mobile. A cheap hotel. Hotels.com was next. Then back to the sporting goods store 3 more times. Off to a shoe store. Back to a few gas stations.

All within less than ten miles from the place the wallet was misplaced. I feel violated. Somebody in my community is using my ID and my cards frivolously. Knowing full well it’s not theirs. It’s wrong. It’s stealing. It’s not nice.

The bad part is the business I lost the card at is one I frequent. Can I go back? I wonder if the person behind the counter took it? So many questions. The dilemma of filing a police report. Each place they chose to charge the card has cameras. The amount they charged will surely put them behind bars. Is it worth it for me? For them? For anyone?

At the end of the day, I cancelled my cards. All is okay in my world except for the fact my photo ID is floating around. Or maybe they discarded it. Maybe it’s a souvenir. It makes me feel a bit dirty and violated. Will they sell my information? Will they stalk my address?

Today’s world is full of many different people. People are messy and definitely make bad choices. It’s life.

I will unfortunately trust less now. I will lock everything up without hesitation. I will keep my head on a swivel and take mental notes of who, what, when and where I am and what my surroundings are. I won’t be violated in this way again.

I hope nobody has to feel the empty or loss I did over this situation. Clearly all items could be replaced but there is definitely an emotional scar left. A negative emotion.

Writing about emotions is healthy and why I chose to expand upon this situation. Life isn’t all a bed of roses. In my case it was a field of sharp prickly rose stems that wreaked havoc on me.

This fiasco also almost made me not attend a birthday celebration as I was in my feelings. That is also a fancy way of saying I was pouting. Needless to say I have the best group of friends who made me get my butt in gear so I could shake off the mad mojo and enjoy what was left of the day.

I did just that. I was happy until I saw that the person who stole my wallet was bold enough to hit the over $5,000.00 mark in fraudulent charges. That is more than a petty thief. That’s a habitual offender. Good luck to you whomever you are.

#2020sucks #2020shitstorm #stopthief