Three decades of silence and shame, broken with one line.
“After 33 years, today I was revealed as Victim 54.”
No photo. No link. No commentary. No follow up.
But I knew.
I drew my breath in sharply. Old wounds burned under my skin. Did he know that I already knew? It didn’t matter either way. What mattered is that now it has finally come to light. Two-thirds more of his life has passed since those betrayals were committed. Same for Victim 55, my dear friend from the same years.
Finally, those in power who hunt and hurt and those who covered for them are named. Those hiding behind the priest’s collar are collared.
Child abuse doesn’t just hurt the victim. It hurts their friends, their family, their loved ones. They are robbed of the closeness they could have shared while the victim hides in plain sight.
Abuse also hurts the victim’s future. Choices, freedoms, preferences, relationships…it all changes.
Maybe I shouldn’t be thankful I was a girl, but I am. When I look back at having lunches with the predator, the gifts he gave me, the attention he showered on me…but a priest with a girl was probably too strange. Instead, he victimized boys, young men, my friends.
These old horrible men, hiding behind their uniforms. Carrying the banner of Jesus.
Power corrupts. Power clothed in a “sacred” uniform is even worse…more insidious. It gets a pass because it wears the costume of innocence. Virtue creates victims.
No wonder I am mistrustful of power. No wonder I automatically resist anyone who tries to govern me, legal or not. No wonder every time someone shows up in a wholesome uniform, I am guarded, cynical, preemptively skeptical.
The damage done by people who parade their trustworthiness, their valor, is infinitely as egregious. It makes me sick.
Sometimes I am too trusting. But when it comes to uniforms and power, I am the opposite: suspicious. I assume the worst. I always wonder if they are humbly trying to live up to their uniform or is there wickedness hiding beneath?
April came and went. Missed the first road trip to Nashville, TN while the RV got some sprucing up. Took extra time thanks to back ordered parts. I will get a redo on Nashville though, just later in the year.
Here we are Memorial Day weekend 2023 in Hilton Head Island, South Carolina. A new state to call home for a few days. This trip we are parked at a motor coach resort. That means no pull behinds, no tents, and a different setup than we have seen in the past. This facility has many permanent residents and many who rent out condo style. They sell lots for astronomical prices, but the place is a little slice of paradise. Lots of privacy and beauty just around the corner from the hustle bustle of beach goers.
Tucked in behind the gates and tree cover are beautifully paved lots with varying amenities. Some have full outdoor kitchens. Others have fire pits and cushy outdoor furniture. Landscaping is on par for sure. Pretty blooms, palm trees and moss covered trees kept you dry when the light rain came in from the ocean. It also provided tons of shade during the heat of the day. The campus also had plenty of walking areas, a dog park, tennis courts, pickle ball courts, pool, gym and other common entertainment areas. No detail was missed here.
Although there were many people in town there were many empty spaces or RVs shutdown for a season or reason unknown to me. The peacefulness was nice and a welcome destination for busy old me. I walked for miles and miles this trip. Kids were around but it definitely seemed like more older families traveling vs young families with kids in tow. Dog park was empty every day I took my doodle gang, but I did see many dogs out for leash walks daily.
Each lot was slightly different in design. From the decorative pavers to the shrubbery. Some sites even had the South Carolina symbol in the pavement. That’s some extra flair for sure. Each unique site had privacy which was nice. There was a lake with a notice about alligators and my space was by the creek. I watched daily but didn’t have any alligator encounters. Thank goodness.
I did have a visit about 3am one night by some angered animal. Not sure if it was bobcat or what but it scared the doo doo out of me for sure. I will never know what it was as the cameras didn’t pick up an image but it did move a chair so whatever it was it was big. It also made the loudest shrieks. Not sure if it mauled the cat next door but nobody said anything if it did.
Biggest takeaway on this trip is the amount of motor coaches in one place. I felt like I was at an RV show. There were older units, but not too old. 24 foot to 40 foot. $100,000.00 to 1 million dollar plus custom RVs. Such a variance in price range but still fun to look at on each walk I took. Made my mind wander on who affords these gems. Who lives there full time. Who works out of their RV.
While on this trip, I was focusing on clean eating. Not too hard to do since you have pretty much a condensed home kitchen in an RV. A little planning and preparation and clean eating is doable. Below is a screenshot of one day’s healthy eats. It was fun to plan and prepare and document this trip and clean eating. A new road challenge to conquer. I’ll put this challenge to these again when im staying in a hotel vs RV.
10 minutes to the many beaches and shops, but most of my time I spent relaxing, walking and just exploring the off beaten tracks. No must dos on this trip. Rather it was just do what feels good in the moment. There might have even been a few naps taken with the fresh air flowing through the RV. Lots of reading. Some writing. Plenty of dog time.
I did visit a local park to take a walk through a nature area. I saw the sign don’t feed the alligators but I had no idea how many I would actually see in the water. How many were sunbathing next to the walking trails and then the guy fishing in his kayak not at all bothered. I mean I’m sure I would have fallen in just thinking about who was gonna eat me.
Georgia, Florida, and Tennessee are the next states on the RV destination list. Two new destinations and one repeat. More exploration entries will come in the months ahead as the journeys continue. Off to live my best off-the-grid life, one state at a time. See you later alligators.
A vetwod challenge to benefit Stop Soldier Suicide.
Mental health for military members has been on my mind and heart for years. It was my focus of organizing and fundraising way back in 2019. I am not entirely sure why it tugs at my attention and effort, but it has, it still does, and it will.
Turned out I was able to borrow a pack from a veteran, which meant every time I put it on it held that much more meaning. Sometimes I listened to music. Other times I just walked in silence, as a sort of meditation. Often, when I walked the early morning miles, I would put my hand over his name and just send him and other vets positive, strengthening thoughts.
It’s really just walking with a few extra pounds, right? I never did weigh it. It’s true, after the first few days of putting the vest on, it didn’t seem extremely heavy. I did some really light jogging once I got used to having it on. Finding the extra time to ruck was the big challenge some days.
Even so, I certainly felt lighter every time I took it off. And my body told me, through tightened hips, sore back, and stiff legs, that whatever the weight was, it wore me out in new ways. Life was different when I wasn’t carrying it.
We recently wrote about burdens on this blog. Being a burden to others. The burdens we carry. This 50 miles of rucking made me think about how so many are weighted down in ways both visible and hidden. I was lucky to get the daily relief of taking the extra weights off. I could look forward to the feelings of lightness. What about those who are walking weighted in ways we cannot see? Through depression? PTSD? Weariness from taking care of others? Poor sleep from anxiety or nightmares?
I appreciate when my fitness efforts have an extra layer of meaning and thoughtfulness. A post for those, especially in military circles, who shoulder unspeakable burdens. May they find some relief, some lightness, knowing others care and appreciate what they have done.
Just two days out. Focusing on sleep and recovering to be ready to perform at my highest level. Consistent training was on the menu for the last 45 or so days. Lots of burpees, running and stretching to help with mobility challenges, in addition to cardio on the tennis courts.
Lots and lots of smack talking has gone on with the participants we are familiar with. A cheering team has been assembled. The bag is packed and the outfits are picked out. It will be go time soon. Four workouts. Competition. Friends. Spectators. The podium. And I suppose the podium is the focal point of the chatter. Who will rise to the occasion and who will fall short.
As adults we sometimes opt for choices that hinder peak performance. A cocktail. A fast food meal. A sleepless night. Any or all of these can impact performance. Some compete for fun and could care less about results. Some compete for competition and train. Some just want to prove they can complete the workouts and not die. It’s a mixed bag for sure but one thing is constant: the chatter of who will win which is hilarious in itself since nobody is eyeing a spot on the Olympics team or signing a big NIL contract.
Interview questions:
Which workout was the hardest? Workout 2 for sure. The run had my heart rate up. The transitions slowed us up a bit. All in all this was a bumpy one and the results showed it.
Were teams co-ed? Yes. Not all comps are co-ed but this was and it definitely created a unique competition dynamic.
Which workout was the easiest? Workout 3. We are both strong and performed at our best even under fatigue at the end of the day. We celebrated with personal bests in our lifts. Double win for us.
What was the funniest part of the day? The team names and the outfits are always a highlight. See below for a glimpse.
Who made the podium and was it expected? Our team made the podium and took third place in our division. We planned for it but it wasn’t an easy road. Others may have underestimated our efforts under pressure and over inflated their confidence. Strategy is always key along with consistent effort.
Would you do it again? Yes, of course.
What is your biggest takeaway from this event? The camraderie at these events is awesome. Strangers cheering for you. High fives from many. Kudos for hard work. Celebrating fitness, milestones, first time competitors. A great experience to watch or participate in.
The group above represents so many backgrounds. The librarian. The physical therapist. The realtor. The gym owner. The entrepreneur. The college student. The banker. The sales rep. The insurance guru. The mechanic. The office administrator. The construction guy. All brought together by a common bond of fitness. CrossFit. Some may never experience CrossFit but for those who do, they understand the benefits are far reaching. Friendship. Fitness. Community.
I hope you enjoyed a glimpse into my day of fitness, competition edition. What a sweaty and fun day with many like-minded folks. Another fun fact: my team had the oldest combined age of 108 years old and we still managed to squeeze in third place on the podium. What a rush for us competing with kids in their 20’s and showing them what we could do!
Recently I had some leisurely time to think about my life time clock. Where I had some voids. Where I could fill in some blanks with things I wanted to do. Some things I want to do now vs. later. Some things I hate spending time on. Where I could reshuffle or realign for maximum return on my overall time and/or productivity. It wasn’t too hard when I took out my notebook and made myself a list of actionable tasks.
Growth: I took into account some areas that I could grow and set a path to embrace the uncomfortable to favor the end result(s). This isn’t new but a reminder of sorts to stay on task for me. Nobody else tells me where or how to grow. Just me!
Travel: I put 2-3 destinations or types of trips on the soon to happen list. Passports are ready. Adventure is on the horizon. Here I may adjust my travel partners. Sometimes by choice. Sometimes based on availability. No matter where I go and with whom, I plan to live each trip to the fullest.
Fitness: I put a 5k on the books to start the process with some other events on the horizon. Chipping away at the me vs me project. When I make this a priority so many other areas of my life benefit. I have set a new goal for myself that will require a little effort. A little patience. A little flexibility. All of which results in a positive attitude.
Reflection: taking time here and there to reflect on the state of now, what’s on the horizon as well as what’s in the rear view. This process is continual and a critical part of how I live my life. Never sitting in one place for too long. Always adjusting to the new tides that roll in each day/week/month. Looking at yourself in this way requires you to see imperfections and make adjustments. A lot harder for some than others.
Accountability: I am a nerd for tracking things. Numbers, statistics, trends, and so much more. When I monitor or track performance I tend to see better results. Most of the time I hold myself accountable but I also have a trusted few that I have monitor me from a distance as a double check. Who holds you accountable in your life?
Writing: as I write here today, I think of how my time is utilized for virtual journaling. A shared space with the world yet sometimes the content is focused on the good, bad and ugly of my life. Truth bombs. Writing has purpose for me as my lens on life is different from many and why I continue to write and publish. Some writing is for purpose while other writings are for monetizing. Either way my words hold power and a it’s a role I cherish. Never underestimate the power of your words.
Reading: each day I spend some time reading. It may just be five minutes one day. It may be an article vs a book. It may be a research topic. Nonetheless I read and gain knowledge of sorts. I find this to a be a peaceful time for me. A starting point to my day. A slow roll into what can be busy and hectic days. Some do yoga to calm their mind and soul. For me the slow breathing and simple mindset used when reading is just as beneficial for me.
As I wrap up my initial post on project 6, I will let you in a little secret. Project 6 is six month journey of sorts for me. The ups/downs and everything in between for the next six months. As I wrap up my caboose prepping for college and having many last memories before the new chapter of her adult life, my role shifts.
I have more time for me. I have more time to focus on things I want to pursue. I have the ability to choose with a shift in responsibilities. As my caboose heads out into her new world, so do I. My world is round and free flowing as should hers. Limitless opportunities for each in different stages of life. While I celebrate her I will also celebrate me as we journey slightly different paths of growth.
Project 6 will shift to project 12. Then the shift will be year 1. From there the tides may shift again. Only time will tell. Stay tuned as I craft some writings in each of these categories that touch on how I feel when I’m each of these stages or phases of life. My project folder will soon be full of content and memories.
Stay tuned as each story unfolds. Also wishing my dad a heavenly birthday today. This post is in his honor as he provided me with so much inspiration to do me in life and I hope I do the same for my caboose.
2 Chicks and a blog 