perspective

Pandemic Dilemmas

(A note: sometimes posts for our blog sit on the backburner. There’s all kinds of reasons for this. The post below was written in April 2020.  It has lived in the drafts folder ever since.  Current news and trends brought it back to mind these past couple of weeks, and it seems as relevant as it was then, if not more so. The resources I worry about most now are our health care workers, but as you can read, those worries were already bubbling up last April.)

It was the classic problem.

Hans has a sick child.  Hans is poor and can’t afford the medicine his child needs to live.  Is Hans morally wrong for stealing the medicine his child needs to survive?

In the eyes of the law, sure he would be wrong.  Stealing is a crime. He doesn’t have the right to take what belongs to someone else.  But is he blameworthy?  If he does it, should he go to jail for it?  If he doesn’t steal it, isn’t there a different kind of penalty?

I was a philosophy major in college, specializing in ethics, or figuring out right / wrong / morality. I shouldn’t say figuring it out, since we rarely if ever got to the bottom of anything.  But we spent a lot of time thinking about Hans and these sticky situations, where different people have different rights and those rights cross or conflict.  Moral dilemmas.  So many of the ones that interested me most involved relationships, deciding who is more important, and trying to figure out a good reason why.

I’ve had my moments of anxiety during the course of the coronavirus so far.  But it’s the dilemmas that trouble me most. I get deeply, truly sad when I think about health care workers being forced to make decisions about who has access to life saving medical equipment if supplies are running out.

Here’s an example: Two 50-year old men come in to the ER at roughly the same time, in roughly the same condition, same medical history. About the only meaningful difference is that one of them has three kids, one of them has none. Should that be the deciding factor if only one of them can have a ventilator?

Of course, it only gets more complicated.  What if the one with the kids is overweight and pre-diabetic while the other is in good overall health.  Or one is married, the other is a widower (and what if the one with the kids is the widower, or the one without kids…does that matter?)  One is an affluent business owner with many employees who depend on him, the other is on public assistance.  One is insured, the other is not.  One is African American, the other is White. Add in factors of gender, age, medical history, addiction, other ailments that might be seen as patient life choices (like smoking) and others that are genetic.  You can see how the picture gets very complicated very quickly.  What matters?  What doesn’t?  Who decides?

In our medical ethics classes, we would talk about assisted suicide and the problems with a doctor “playing God,” deciding who lives and who dies…or in the coronavirus case, who even has the chance.

I know a taste of this, from when I was the one who made the decision to take my father off of breathing support to effectively end his life.  Even though he had prepared me to do it and I felt confident it was the right thing, it still stays with me. I will just say that all of this is simpler when it is clear cut.  Still, it is not simple and never easy.

I know there are people who question if this whole pandemic is real.  If all the staying at home and disruption of our daily lives is necessary.  As a member of a family who is supported by a restaurant, I face the same economic uncertainty that has so many people anxious, restless, angry, and scared. I can’t minimize that suffering, but I hope that the help in our communities and from our leaders will sustain us for a little while until we can get the virus more or less medically managed.

What wakes me up at night, though, is thinking of the doctors.  The nurses.  The medical heroes whose hearts and minds will be scarred from watching people die that they truly wanted to help.  That they could have and would have made a valiant effort to save in nearly any other circumstance.  The people they eventually had to walk away from because there wasn’t enough equipment to go around. The trauma to their hearts and minds is immeasurable, not to mention all the people who might not have a chance to survive if we run out of ICU resources.

I believe these moments say much about our values as a culture, as a society. Can we just sit tight for a little bit? Can we help our neighbors and loved ones survive this strange and challenging moment in history?  In my mind, if we can prevent the damage to those who care for us and give everyone a chance to get access to care, as they say flattening the curve can, we should.  If you doubt that this is a real thing, please find a health care worker and listen to them.  Please.

There are a million other issues with this situation.  Reasons to be angry, stressed, depressed.  Some day I may write about my worries over my students now trying to learn at home.  Or the heroism of medical workers who continue to show up and do their jobs when they are inadequately protected.  Or the many other front line workers, often forgotten and in high risk but low-paying jobs.

Surely, some day soon I may be writing about an actual Hans, who lost his hours at his job and needs medicine for his kids. Those stories are out there and more are coming.  The economic, social, mental, and physical impacts will be spinning out for years and years. Once this initial crisis has passed, we will turn our full attention to the suffering of many other groups who need help, who need heart, who need solutions. We will be writing about this for a long time. This is an endurance test. Both our patience muscles and our helping muscles must grow, strengthen, and sustain throughout this marathon.

But for now, in this initial fury, I worry for the doctors and nurses and patients.  It takes me back to those college classrooms, before I had kids of my own, when Hans’s predicament was nothing more than an interesting little thought experiment to ponder. Now I have kids.  And a lot more to lose.  I don’t wish true dilemmas on anyone.  While there is a choice, there is no win.

challenges

Service Sucked

Recently I had the worst customer service experience in all my adult years. It was physically, mentally and emotionally draining. It lasted for weeks.

It all started when a company drafted my bank account. This was an approved transaction however somehow they reversed the transaction a few weeks later while I happened to be on vacation. Surely this was a mistake. Although I saw the alert while traveling I said it could wait to be handled upon my return. Surely it was an oversight that could be easily corrected.

Little did I know this clerical error would suck 45 hours of my life from me. Not in the blink of an eye. Over many days. Many excruciatingly painful phone calls. It was awful. My time is so precious to me.

The problem was compounded in many ways. One department needed the help of another’s to get the issue resolved. The employees are all remote so that task has be scheduled for a later date. The call comes from a restricted line that most won’t answer, including me. Then you lose your chance for service and the cycle starts again. It isn’t fun at all.

I learned if you call at 8:05am you get somebody on the line quick but they may not be super smart. As in they answer calls and follow a script. If your question isn’t on the script they are screwed and so are you! In my case my issue was complicated. Their company made an error and resolving it was not simple in their corporate structure. The lack of ability to escalate a call to a supervisor lends the representative to be ill-prepared and you the caller won’t get anywhere. Another vicious cycle. Frustration escalated. 

My story lingered. I’m still mad about it but it did give me a few new toys to look forward to testing out. Of course I shopped on amazon while I was on hold for extended periods of time. That was about the only thing I could do.

If I had a retail job or critical care job, I would not have been able to resolve my issues because I couldn’t spend all that time on the phone. Businesses who provide service need to be able to meet their client needs a-z. It’s not fair for a company to make a mistake and make the burden of correcting the issue on the consumer. End rant #504.

In the end I got an apology for the errors and omissions. That doesn’t do anything for my lost time. However, it shows that sometimes business automation isn’t the best. You need a human in the end to fix a glitch.

Conclusion: yet another example of why corona needs to leave the planet so normalcy in business can resume. If there is even such a thing.

challenges, fitness and nutrition

The Open

This is year #5 for me in The CrossFit Open. Pretty crazy for me to look back and reflect on where I started in the sport I love to where I am today. So many memories. So many relationships built. So many milestones hit. So many adventures. All part of my athlete journey.

A couple months ago the Open didn’t seem like something I would participate this year. It seemed like another disappointment with all the Corona cancellations around my athletic competitions. Then I paused for a minute. I slowed down to appreciate where I’ve been, where to want to get to, and how much I like data. The Open is a data point for me. An accountability pinpoint in time.

Maybe I weigh more this year. Maybe I lift less weight. Maybe I’m not counting my macros right now. Maybe I’m at a different gym. The variables shouldn’t matter. It’s Me vs. Me in the Open. 2021 is a recovery year for me. A rebuild of the foundation that got some cracks in 2020. I’m looking to see how deep the cracks are or how superficial they are. The only way I will know is to push my limits and see how I fare. The Open will help me gauge my comeback results of 2021.

As I look back at some pictures from the 2020 Open, I see some faces have faded in my gym world. As I look back to 2019, I see where some new friendships blossomed and each and every one of them is still intact. A group of strong females between 45-55 years old grinding away. Daily, weekly, monthly we almost in the work. Why not celebrate our commitment, consistency, and courage in the Open? 

2018 and 2017 were a bit of a blur for me as I didn’t do as good of a job documenting all my ups / downs but that’s where the leaderboard comes in. I can see where I stacked up to others worldwide. I can see how far I have come. As I write in this blog I may inspire another to sign up for the open. Or maybe sign up for a gym membership. 

This year I have a job to sign up two newbies to CrossFit to attempt the Open: one in their teens. One in their twenties. Both have journeys in their infancy. I’m looking forward to watching them shine in their own special way. Motivate. Inspire. Repeat. 

I have hope that when I write about my fitness highs, lows and everything in between that I have an audience. The audience may change from year to year and that’s okay by me. I love to inspire all ages. All types of people. The more I impact the more I write. The more I challenge myself to do more year over year.

Thank you for being part of my fitness journey. I’m on the road to fab at 50. You have a front road seat in the journey. You will see my fitness. My friends. My family. My competition. My exhaustion. My will. My pride. My ego. My personality. My triumph. 

Bringing my best: March 2021

Why not join me? The Open is open to all ages and this year you can even compete at home. Options are available to test your fitness.

challenges

1095 Days in Progress

Hundreds of days ago a project launched. 1095 days is its name. The scope was outlined but it was grey at best. A multi-year project that would cover many twists and turns. A new challenge of the mind and the hand.

How will it start? How will it end? Is it really just the middle that we are in? 1095 days is unfolding before your eyes. You are virtually part of the story. This very blog is part of the storytelling.

A book is in the works. So much to tell. So much to cut. So many details. What stays vs. what goes. Choices. Life has so many choices. As authors we choose. We choose our words. We choose our starting point. We create our audience. We choose to share or not share.

When we started this project I had no clue a pandemic would rock our world and linger for a year. Nor did I know we would capture so many feelings and emotions during the pandemic that would ironically fold into the project. It has to. It’s front and center. Here we are today still fine tuning the project. The destination. Everything in between.

To think about the project brings smiles galore. Just documenting life for a period of time is simply amazing. One can see the highs the lows and everything in between.

For me I’m right where I need to be. Immersed in my growth yet I am eyes wide open to experience new and unforeseen obstacles. Life 360 degrees. 1095 days of life is really just a wow factor to think about it.

Many struggle with visualizing tomorrow. Some struggle living for today. Today I’m looking ahead at what’s next in the process.

What’s next for me is over 100 burpees because I’m in a challenge and I slacked off a few days. For now I put the pen down to burpee the day away.

challenges

The 2020 Ta-Da List

2020 was a year that upheaved many goals. Maybe it was the rules changing about where we can go and what we can do. Maybe it was shifting priorities from getting out and going to just hunkering down and staying safe. Maybe it was self-imposed or created limits of mental exhaustion and the like.

Whatever the reason, 2020 pulled the rug out from our runway of dreams. The universe laughed at our plans. Goals had to shift. Travel, work, adventure, all kinds of things had to pivot.

I looked back at my goals and in a conventional sense, I didn’t meet them. I’m not giving myself a pass because life got hard. It is what it is. But, inspired by Gretchen Rubin, I decided to make a little “Ta-Da!” list, which reminds me that despite my 2020 challenges, things still got done.

  • I maintained my fitness regimen, moving my body pretty much daily. Most of the time this meant working out at home or in the gym, but I also started hiking more often and put many miles on my bike.
  • I took a more active role in my personal finances, learning how to move money around and make it work.
  • I partnered with trusted friends to purchase the property for 3Splitz Farm. We navigated the first stages of planning and implementing the vision for our rustic paradise.
  • I started a new business of my own.
  • I established a 501(c) and led that organization through a successful first year.
  • I bought a new car.
  • I read lots of books.
  • I parented my kids through a trying and confusing time in their lives.
  • I maintained several of my health priorities: eat well, drink well, connect.
  • I lifted up my friends and loved ones to lighten their mental loads.

2020 wasn’t what I expected, and 2021 won’t be either. Some of these accomplishments weren’t on my radar at all this time last year. This has all informed how I am thinking of my goals this year. Leave a little more room to move, to play, to grow.

I had to stop myself from writing the “shadow truths” about each of these goals. For most of these bullet points, there is something I could have written as a “but…” But ta-da lists shouldn’t come with qualifications. These are what they are, and many are a start. Several appear in my goals for 2021, to enhance, improve, and expand.

What’s on your ta-da list for 2020?