Tag: selfcare

challenges, dare to be different

Life Over 50

2chicksandapen

I never really thought much about life over 50. Well I did think it’s half way to 100 and I’m going to live well beyond 50. That is about the extent of my thoughts.

Now I am here and there are some great parts of life to celebrate and some parts that are down right shitty. I normally wouldn’t gravitate to the shitty side of life however I decided it’s worth writing about it. Mainly because others might benefit from this rant and I’ll have a placeholder to look back on.

Menopause. The word. Why does it even start with men! Why just why?

I’m 52 and change. I have my normal aches and pains. I also have my daily inconveniences. I need to use the bathroom more frequently. Sometimes even more urgently than others. Many times in the middle of the night. I know I’m not alone. This is probably high on the list of inconveniences since it impacts daily life.

The water cooler talks or should I say the womanly chats are not about what your favorite dinner spot is anymore! It’s more of what supplements are you taking? What are your symptoms? What’s working? What’s not working? Are your joints hurting? The list goes on and on. This stage of life I wasn’t ready for. I blinked and menopause was at my doorstep. Front and center.

Irregular cycles. The inconsistency can drive you crazy. Flat out crazy. Fatigue one day. Sleepless the next. As I write it’s 3am. I should be tired. I am tired. However I can’t sleep. I really can’t even get comfortable in bed. Nobody is awake to know I’m just sitting here idle. A new kind of alien time. How I used to sleep as in body positioning is now uncomfortable. My favorite pillow makes me hot now. My blankets are just right one minute. Then I’m hot, hot, hot. Zero consistency. Let me say that louder for those in the back. I have zero consistency in many areas of life in this phase.

Men. O. Pause. Men can pause. They can hit pause and run away. They can be supportive. They can think you are bat shit crazy. In the blink of an eye your normal is now a new normal and it’s hard enough to adjust to for you. What about others around you? Life is messy and I will say this is definitely a messy stage. Are you supported? Does your family think you have lost your grip on life?

The annual checkups get more complex. A mammogram. A colonoscopy. A full body skin check. A bone density scan. The list goes on and on. How does one even manage  without good insurance?

Somehow women push through the difficult stages of life. The teen years and all that goes along with it. Motherhood and the body changes, if that is your route. Raising kids and balancing life. Shifting to aging with grace. I’m in the aging with grace stage. The it’s time to have adult fun but balance with the blah of aging.

As I live through the muck of this stage of life I control what I can. My nutrition. My physical activity. My mental wellness. My circle of friends. My energy sucks. I choose wisely each day. It’s a requirement. If today I can sleep 9 hours, I choose sleep because another day this week I might not be so lucky. If I can get in an extra workout one day, I do it because the next two I might be sidelined. 

I’m adapting to change. I’m saying yes to the unknown. I’m saying a shift in my routine is okay. This is how I’m managing my chaos. Adaptability for me may be different than others. I’m 100% okay with that. If I don’t fit the box for someone around me, that’s okay too. I’m not a fit for everyone at every moment.

I have a plan for my day today to start at 7am. What happens at 10am, 2pm and 5pm may be different than I envisioned. Why? Well I may be tired from being up most of the night.  My body may say no thanks to what I originally planned. I may get moody and want to avoid people. This is a real fact of this stage and I am definitely a people person yet I like to avoid people sometimes. I’m adapting.

Adapting to change comes with other challenges. Impulsivity. The need to do something now. Immediately. My timeline not yours. Or maybe it’s stubbornness. No. No. No.  I’m not going x. I’m not doing what you want. It’s just a game of no, no, no. I could go on and on about this topic but I will hit pause.

I will pause here for women. I will say take a deep breath. Inhale that deep breath. Exhale that toxic air that seems to be hindering you today. It will probably come back again tomorrow and the next day. It’s life. It’s a phase. Just breathe through it. That’s what I’m doing. I’m taking the good with the bad. I’m breathing in the sunshine and exhaling the bullshit.

I’m celebrating me. Many may not understand this phase of life if they haven’t hit the wall. The men-o-pause wall. The wall men want you to pause at. Do you reflect and move on? Do you cower and seek refuge? As a strong and fiercely independent woman, I pause. I study. I reflect. I change. I pivot sometimes on what seems like just my big toe and I jump. I lunge forward to what’s next. What’s waiting for me, because that’s all I know.

I know to enjoy what life is left. Live life to the fullest. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed thus I will plunge forward. Look for my travel stories. Watch me adventure. My why will always be why not.  If you are reading this and feel stuck, get unstuck. Book a trip. Take a long walk. Find a new hobby. Find your joy. Do what makes you happy because you are living in this body of yours. Not the person next to you!

Stop comparing yourself to others. Don’t worry if you don’t fit the mold another wants. You focus on your survival of this stage in life. The people who stick around in this transitional phase are the true keepers in life. 

challenges, fitness and nutrition

Thriller Lake

2chicksandapen

When a friend first sent me the link, I laughed. He was training for an ultra running event, and who knows why but he was looking for more. I am training for a 15k in January and slowly (slowly!) increasing my running every week. I jotted the date down in my calendar, thinking I would go and support him if he did it. But a little voice in the back of my mind also wondered if I could do the three hour event myself as part of my own preparation for January…

Finding the time and energy to run in this season of life has been harder than my ramp up to a half marathon several years ago. I’m not really sure why that is. Technically, I have fewer commitments crowding my calendar. Still, I haven’t been putting the volume of miles into my legs that I should be in order to feel prepared.

As the date crept up, I decided it was time to test myself. If I end up walking, so be it. I set the goal of 5 laps…each lap is 2.2 miles. 11 miles in 3 hours seemed possible. Most of my miles these days are between 15-17 minutes. With a few breaks and to allow for some slowing in the latter miles, 5 laps would be a challenge but I was determined to try.

Another challenge was the time of the event. I would be on the course from 5 pm to 8 pm. I am a hard-core morning exercise person. Lately I have been running a mile or two in the afternoons once or twice a week, but an all-out extended effort in the evening would be a stretch.

When the day came, I had told a couple of people what I was up to but not many. I’m inspired by this image from Compete Every Day.

I packed up my stuff. I ate some extra carbs. I showed up at the right time, grabbed my bib, and lined up with a few dozen other brave / crazy souls and away we went.

Honestly, the run was pretty uneventful. I have a good playlist. People were encouraging. I was several minutes ahead of my target times on each of the first couple of loops. Some runners had full tents set up with chairs and food and decorations. The official tent had trays of cold food and hot. The runners who were competing in the 6 and 12 hour events commented on the quality of the grilled cheese, quesadillas, and more. It had a Halloween theme so some people were dressed in costume.

Aside from cheering on other racers, my mind was focused on my time and my goal. From a “back of the pack” running group on facebook, I had figured out how to set my watch for intervals. I would run two minutes, walk one. I did this pattern for most of the event. My watch buzzed me every time I had to switch.

My trusty playlist kept me going. I even had some universe whispers from a friend who has passed on. He came to me in a group of songs that kept me moving when I was tired.

Other pleasant diversions were the signs some had made to encourage runners. There was a trick or treat fun run with little kids in costume. There were dogs. There were lights. A pretty sunset and a beautiful Harvest moon.

Lap four started and my energy really started to falter. My strength in these long efforts is usually being able to stay consistent even in the later miles. At least that was the case last time around. But I could really feel my lack of training after mile 8. Slower walking in my recovery minutes. Walking creeping into the running minutes. I could also feel that I hadn’t fueled properly. I ate more running chews than I ever have. I ate less nutritious, whole food than I ever do. Combined with running with a headlamp, I was slogging across the finish line of lap 5 but I had about 9 minutes to spare. It was all just guts and will for the last mile or two, but I met my goal.

Given the chance, I would totally do it again. It gives me a benchmark to work from. It doesn’t give me “back of the pack” anxiety since I’m working against a clock and not a finish line. So if I’m free again next year, I’ll do it. I’m also looking at scheduling a half marathon in the spring.

A few kinks to work out…how to fuel for an afternoon race. Shortly after I completed the run, I was overcome with nausea. It lasted for hours. I knew it was from the sugared, artificial nutrition I had taken in (oh, and caffeine). It would also be nice to have a friend or two on the course. Even if I don’t run at the same pace as others, it does help to have someone out there sharing the suffering.

I’m clapping for myself and looking ahead. The goal now is to get out and run more often. To spend more time putting miles on my legs. Training to get faster and better. By the time the 15k rolls around, I hope to be feeling much better about the experience.

challenges, fitness and nutrition

The Push

2chicksandapen

One hour.

One movement.

One idea to consider.

Today’s workout was called The Push. One hour of sled pushes. I had to go to the gym for this one since I don’t have a sled at home. It had to be a day when I woke up awfully early. Also had to be a day when they weren’t using sleds in the class workout. All the conditions were met one early June morning. I loaded the sled up, didn’t really warm up, and just started the slow methodical pushing up and down the turf. Back. Forth. Back. Forth.

It didn’t take long until the ideas started to flow. I took a short break to grab a whiteboard and a pen to start capturing my thoughts.

The idea to think on during this workout is “in the face of…”. What can you push through?

In the face of….

In the face of….

All the adversity hit me every time I braced to push that sled. I didn’t even know how much it weighed altogether. I first started answering the “in the face of”s with I can statements, but that soon changed to “I am…” statements. About every fourth push I would stop to jot then get back to it.

In the face work of I am capable

In the face of challenge I am strong

In the face of boredom I am proactive

In the face of adversity I am grateful

In the face of scrutiny I am undaunted

In the face of doubt I am confident

In the face of fatigue I am resilient

In the face of distraction I am focused

In the face of overwhelm I am undeterred

In the face of heavy I am strong

In the face of confusion I am clear

In the face of exhaustion I am centered

In the face of impatience I am calm

In the face of change I am nimble

In the face of insurmount I am worthy

In the face of conformity I am unique

In the face of complacency I am willing

I am powerful. In control. Independent. Thankful.

I am a reservoir of all that I need.

So many times during long workouts I am trying to distract myself, tune out from the dcscomfort and pain. It was a challenge to tune in and use the monotony to try to make sense of things.

I can choose to focus on the positive and powerful. I can tune in to discomfort and use it as a tool. And in the face of obstacles, I can get things done. A beautiful reminder.

adventure, celebrations

2-23-23

2chicksandapen

Earlier I wrote about 2-2-23. A sequence of twos. Today I see a 2 and the set of 23s. Another oddity of numbers but significant numbers to me. So yet again I will write a numbers post or maybe it’s a date post or maybe it’s just a post about me in some way.

51 years ago I was born. Thus I will celebrate me today. All day. As if I hadn’t already celebrated myself all month. Nonetheless today is about me. I guess I’ll take you old school and write about just me.

Favorite food: pizza, most days

Favorite tv show: 1923 at the moment

Bucket list trip: Montana

Favorite season: spring 

Best adventure: Sand Dunes Oregon coast 

Best trip as a kid; Europe 

Current book: Spare 

Last movie at theatre: Avatar

Fun fact: I am fanatical about shoes

I already had my cake this week before my actual big day. A few nibbles each day. Carvel ice cream cake was the annual cake of choice. Nice steak dinner out for two. A fam bam dinner with the kiddos at a local hibachi place. A cool pen gift set complete with a journal to write all my secrets in. Some flashy workout tanks. A sweatshirt made by a friend. Some scents from the youngest. All around lots of cool treats and maybe a little neon signage too. Who doesn’t like a little neon in their life. 

I share my special day with three of my neighbors from a few years back which is odd but a cool footnote. I share the date with a friend’s son and this this I found out I share it with a distant acquaintance. Pisces girls and boys united by the special date. Different years. Different cities. Different stories. Still a common denominator.

And of course there was a birthday bash. A girls day at the spa. I was all in for that. Then a swanky pizza joint. Added a few more pals to mix and hit the graffiti paint place for a little art session. And if that wasn’t enough we were going to get a flight of tasty slushy drinks. The over 21 kind, but we were a little tired and called for a rain check on the last part. Don’t worry we will get to it soon.

I ate good.

I got spoiled.

I got my free Starbucks.

I had lobsta for lunch.

I read many amazing texts.

I enjoyed my all the Insta birthday stories.

I read a few cards.

I appreciated the phone calls.

I may or may not be a little wiser.

I had fun with many special people.

I even volunteered on my birthday. 

All the communication makes my cup overflow with positivity. I proudly sported my aging slogan on my chest this year. See photo proof below. That may or may not have let strangers know I was celebrating me today.

The month is not all over yet but I am now 51. In my old age I must move on to conquer other things and say goodbye to the year of 50. It’s been fun. It’s been challenging. It’s been memorable. My 2nd half of life has officially begun.

Where will I go?

What will I do?

Who will be along for the ride?

Stay tuned….

anonymous letters

Feedback

2chicksandapen

Feedback is a general term. Feedback is all around us. It can be good or bad. It can be positive or negative. It can be insightful or misinformed. It can be valuable or trash.

As my dad would say, opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one and they all stink. But when someone is paying you or has power over you, their opinion holds greater weight. You can’t just dismiss it as meaningless, no matter how short sighted or bewildering it may be. I guess that’s when, for me, it goes beyond just random opinion and becomes feedback.

Everyone likes positive feedback. It’s great when people love you. But what about when it’s negative? I used to spin out over criticism. I took it personally. I would spend days hashing it over in my mind, maybe with a friend I trusted. I’d often want to take my ball and go home and not play in whatever arena it was anymore. Why play if I am not good at it?

Now I try to reframe criticism as feedback. I think to myself, this person is telling me what is important to them. If my boss is unhappy with things lying around my workplace? He is telling me that his priority is how things look. If he takes me out of meetings that are about teaching and learning, he is telling me my priorities should be elsewhere. If he gets excited about special events and pizza parties, that’s where my attention needs to be.

Same holds true in sales. If a customer doesn’t like what I am selling and they tell me, it’s an opportunity to listen and adjust. I can learn what a customer values by listening to their feedback.

I may see things differently. I can argue that I didn’t get into education and earn a PhD to spend hours on clerical work. I can tell them all the things I do to help teachers. I can explain to a customer all the subtleties and value that I believe they missed.

Maybe I’ll change their minds, maybe not. Maybe I care, maybe I don’t. It’s my choice to play in the sandbox or leave. I can adjust my energy and priorities to match what others want or I can do something else.

Deep down I am a people pleaser and I like gold stars. But I have learned that I can control the amount of importance I give to others’ feedback, whether it’s positive or negative or somewhere in between. I can shake my head and keep going and not let it pull me from my path. Take it for what it’s worth and know that it does not determine my personal worth. Full stop.