Tag: women

challenges

The Icky Stage

2chicksandapen

I’m at a stage in life that seems challenging at best. It’s almost hard to breakdown each component but I decided I’d write about some of it.

First challenge is movement. In the past six weeks I’ve gone from feeling amazing to battling injury after injury or aches. It’s not been fun. It’s been painful many days. It’s also been humbling to be sidelined a bit from what I enjoy most. I guess that makes me agitated in other areas of life. 

I’ve been to the doctor. I’ve been to the doctor again. What’s changed? Did you have an accident? What caused this? Why doesn’t the firm or doctor ask if I’m having menopausal symptoms? I mean I get asked if this is a worker’s compensation injury every time!

I want to say thank you to menopause for the instant list of ailments but I can’t really conclusively prove it. I will however say my long list of ailments go hand-in-hand with what many women note as issues, or at least google tells me that and so do the one million ads that pop up on my phone. I just didn’t expect it to hit me full force without notice. Am I paranoid? Some days I feel that way. Am I a chronic complainer? Some days I feel like it. Do I have pain? Most days. Is this all a change from a short time ago? 100%

In the midst of change is also worry. The routine breast exam. Then the mammogram. Then there is the breast exam recheck. The extra squishing of the boobs to see if you have cancer. That sounds awesome, right? I’d say no it’s not fun. I’d also say it’s not fun to have more than once. Then it’s the ultrasound. A deeper dive into your boobs. What’s next a biopsy? Joyfully, nope. A probe into your breast to place a marker and obtain a tissue sample. I will definitely reframe this but amidst all else it just creates a shit show theme. For some it’s good news. For others it’s not and that process requires so much more than I can explain in this post.

As we move on to just being busy. Events galore. Year end wrap up on steroids for school events. Graduation parties. Travel. Endless to do items. The joy and fun of everyday is mainly bundled with have to appearances and must do now items. Exhausting is the word that comes to mind. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. Add these items on to the icky menopausal stage of life and boom. One day you might cry. The next day you might scream. You might even enjoy your solitude. You might even forget stuff amidst a brain fog episode. Go figure.

Space. No personal space. With life being front and center, it’s full of people. Everywhere I turn. Work. Home. Gym. Store. Events. It’s peopley and when you are really overstimulated and over scheduled the last thing you want to deal with is people. Let’s face it people are messy and when you’re in my shoes people avoidance seems almost a necessity! Decompression time is a mental health checklist item these days. So is yoga and deep breathing exercises.

Today I’m celebrating a sleepless night.

Today I’m appreciative of having my body working at maybe 80%.

Today I’m avoiding people as in holiday gatherings because I can. 

Today I’m at peace.

Tomorrow I’m not looking forward to. It’s a work day. Less time to recover. More have tos.

As I close out this post I should note I started it a while ago. I revisited it and sometimes just stared at the content. Today I wrote a little more and decided to close it out. One of things I control in life is what I elect to write about and choose to publish. Some days I may think I over share. Some days I wish I shared more. The constant irony.

No matter the day, I’m always glad I have an outlet. An online journal that is open to others. I don’t care what the comments are. I just care that I was true to myself in the process.

Much love from the sleepless night crew. Much strength going to those working through menopausal symptoms. Much thanks to all those displaying patience and support to loved ones in the icky stage.

challenges, dare to be different

Life Over 50

2chicksandapen

I never really thought much about life over 50. Well I did think it’s half way to 100 and I’m going to live well beyond 50. That is about the extent of my thoughts.

Now I am here and there are some great parts of life to celebrate and some parts that are down right shitty. I normally wouldn’t gravitate to the shitty side of life however I decided it’s worth writing about it. Mainly because others might benefit from this rant and I’ll have a placeholder to look back on.

Menopause. The word. Why does it even start with men! Why just why?

I’m 52 and change. I have my normal aches and pains. I also have my daily inconveniences. I need to use the bathroom more frequently. Sometimes even more urgently than others. Many times in the middle of the night. I know I’m not alone. This is probably high on the list of inconveniences since it impacts daily life.

The water cooler talks or should I say the womanly chats are not about what your favorite dinner spot is anymore! It’s more of what supplements are you taking? What are your symptoms? What’s working? What’s not working? Are your joints hurting? The list goes on and on. This stage of life I wasn’t ready for. I blinked and menopause was at my doorstep. Front and center.

Irregular cycles. The inconsistency can drive you crazy. Flat out crazy. Fatigue one day. Sleepless the next. As I write it’s 3am. I should be tired. I am tired. However I can’t sleep. I really can’t even get comfortable in bed. Nobody is awake to know I’m just sitting here idle. A new kind of alien time. How I used to sleep as in body positioning is now uncomfortable. My favorite pillow makes me hot now. My blankets are just right one minute. Then I’m hot, hot, hot. Zero consistency. Let me say that louder for those in the back. I have zero consistency in many areas of life in this phase.

Men. O. Pause. Men can pause. They can hit pause and run away. They can be supportive. They can think you are bat shit crazy. In the blink of an eye your normal is now a new normal and it’s hard enough to adjust to for you. What about others around you? Life is messy and I will say this is definitely a messy stage. Are you supported? Does your family think you have lost your grip on life?

The annual checkups get more complex. A mammogram. A colonoscopy. A full body skin check. A bone density scan. The list goes on and on. How does one even manage  without good insurance?

Somehow women push through the difficult stages of life. The teen years and all that goes along with it. Motherhood and the body changes, if that is your route. Raising kids and balancing life. Shifting to aging with grace. I’m in the aging with grace stage. The it’s time to have adult fun but balance with the blah of aging.

As I live through the muck of this stage of life I control what I can. My nutrition. My physical activity. My mental wellness. My circle of friends. My energy sucks. I choose wisely each day. It’s a requirement. If today I can sleep 9 hours, I choose sleep because another day this week I might not be so lucky. If I can get in an extra workout one day, I do it because the next two I might be sidelined. 

I’m adapting to change. I’m saying yes to the unknown. I’m saying a shift in my routine is okay. This is how I’m managing my chaos. Adaptability for me may be different than others. I’m 100% okay with that. If I don’t fit the box for someone around me, that’s okay too. I’m not a fit for everyone at every moment.

I have a plan for my day today to start at 7am. What happens at 10am, 2pm and 5pm may be different than I envisioned. Why? Well I may be tired from being up most of the night.  My body may say no thanks to what I originally planned. I may get moody and want to avoid people. This is a real fact of this stage and I am definitely a people person yet I like to avoid people sometimes. I’m adapting.

Adapting to change comes with other challenges. Impulsivity. The need to do something now. Immediately. My timeline not yours. Or maybe it’s stubbornness. No. No. No.  I’m not going x. I’m not doing what you want. It’s just a game of no, no, no. I could go on and on about this topic but I will hit pause.

I will pause here for women. I will say take a deep breath. Inhale that deep breath. Exhale that toxic air that seems to be hindering you today. It will probably come back again tomorrow and the next day. It’s life. It’s a phase. Just breathe through it. That’s what I’m doing. I’m taking the good with the bad. I’m breathing in the sunshine and exhaling the bullshit.

I’m celebrating me. Many may not understand this phase of life if they haven’t hit the wall. The men-o-pause wall. The wall men want you to pause at. Do you reflect and move on? Do you cower and seek refuge? As a strong and fiercely independent woman, I pause. I study. I reflect. I change. I pivot sometimes on what seems like just my big toe and I jump. I lunge forward to what’s next. What’s waiting for me, because that’s all I know.

I know to enjoy what life is left. Live life to the fullest. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed thus I will plunge forward. Look for my travel stories. Watch me adventure. My why will always be why not.  If you are reading this and feel stuck, get unstuck. Book a trip. Take a long walk. Find a new hobby. Find your joy. Do what makes you happy because you are living in this body of yours. Not the person next to you!

Stop comparing yourself to others. Don’t worry if you don’t fit the mold another wants. You focus on your survival of this stage in life. The people who stick around in this transitional phase are the true keepers in life. 

adventure

Girls, Ghosts, and a Graveyard

2chicksandapen

It’s pumpkin spice season at Starbucks. The smell of fall in is in the air. Kids are back in school. Now it’s time to do dust off the craziness of summer and rush in fun fall festivities.

This weekend was something new. An adventure planned for the girl gang to step out of their comfort zone. Dining at a restaurant adorned with the name Six Feet Under. A creepy cemetery tour. Why not? This weekend seemed like a perfect time to have the shit scared scared out of me. Off we went, almost leaving the safety of suburbia for the sin of the city.

Well, I almost went. The others actually went. The first warning came from the driver. “I must warn you I’m willing to drive but I drive like a blind person.” Hmmm. Sounds perfect for this fall adventure. Unfortunately Chick 1 had to bail to catch a flight on a whim, but no fear Chick 2 was ready willing and able to jump into this spooktacular adventure. As the torch passes from one scared Chick to one unphased Chick, you will see how this wild tale unfolds.

I will be waiting in anticipation to read the conclusion of the graveyard tales with you. I may or may not be chasing ghosts in my sleep until then….

Chick 2 taking over. We arrived on the misty morning at the front gate of Oakland Cemetery. The forecast called for rain and clouds, which in most cases might have been a disappointment, but in this case it fit perfectly with our funereal outing. We made a brief visit to the gift shop which was filled with laughably morbid treasures like Southern funeral cookbooks and sympathy cards. After breezing through, we started our tour.

It had been about a decade since I had been to Oakland. And before that, I had visited in 7th grade. This was an old old cemetery even then, so you can imagine the cracked walkways, faded headstones, and mossy ground it is filled with now.

Our guide was a quirky woman who had led tours there for many years. Our tour was focused on stories of women buried there. We walked gingerly between the rows. Simple stones to elaborate tombs and everything in between. We saw the resting places of celebrities like Margaret Mitchell and Kenny Rogers (not a woman, but his fame made him a detour). We heard about people who weren’t famous but shared great love stories, made important contributions like leading the first black PTA, or just did notable things. We noticed stones and little elephants piled on grave markers. The elephants were on a stone that marked the resting place of a woman who took in many orphans. We learned that elephants are some of the only animals that look after orphans in nature. Interesting.

There were so many symbols on the graves. Circles stand for eternity. Closed books and open books. Swords and pillows. The lambs on the graves of babies. Each with a different meaning behind them. Intricate stories for the lives represented. An attempt to capture what was most important about them in life, or even their hopes in death.

Different sections for different kinds of people. A section for Confederate soldiers. A Jewish section. An African American section. Interesting how cemeteries reflect the segregation in life at times.

Since we mostly looked at the graves of women, I noticed how often the women in the cemetery were remembered only in relationship to what they did for others. One man had many accomplishments listed, author, Southern gentleman, and so on. On the other side of the stone, the woman was listed as “loving and supportive wife.” Is that all we remember her for?

It also made me wonder what I would want to have on my tombstone. What would I want my legacy to be?

My group and I wandered in the dreary drizzle. We meandered. We took photos. We smelled plants. We asked questions and just took in the ambiance. A sunny day wouldn’t have fit, to be honest.

We capped it off with a delicious lunch and a surprise pastry and coffee treat. All in all, a great day of learning, friendship, and both making and thinking about memories. How would you like to be remembered?

challenges, change

Bravery and Courage

2chicksandapen

She is a brave girl.

She is a smart girl.

She is lost without her male role models.

She lost one to death. 

She lost one to a girl.

She lost one to the military.

Each taken without warning.

Each situation left a scar.

A pandemic hit and a new loneliness surfaced. A quiet and new normal that included loneliness and suffering no one ever could have prepared you for. Fear. Anxiety. Depression. Rules. Masks. It all came at once. Then death hit. Then separation of a new kind. And then the final take away. All strong male figures in her life. Uprooted. Gone. Without notice. Taken from her. She wants to know why!

She shows bravery and courage every day she tackles the world around her. Making strides while battling her own why me? She is a warrior in my eyes. A diamond among us all. We should all be so blessed to know her and her strength.

She has to fight in order to shine bright on her own. Such a young age to learn such life lessons. Taken. Gone. Stolen.

How can I ever fill the void of these three men? In honor of of International Women’s Day I tip my hat to all of the strong females fighting for themselves each and every day. 

author moments, health

The Massage. Some Womanly Advice. Don’t Miss This…

2chicksandapen

It’s been a long awaited time to visit my favorite massage therapist due primarily to Corona restrictions and a limited schedule offered when the spa actually re-opened.

Today was the day. It’s been almost two years since I was going to get a massage from my favorite masseuse. He is tall, strong and has that sexy European accent. That’s not what I get most excited about though. It’s the movement techniques he applies. It’s like a dance of sorts. As relaxing music plays in the background the pressure points in your body are hit. Gentle and harsh motions. Deep as well surface penetration is applied in a methodical way.

Back to the dance. He leads and my body reacts. It’s that simple. I need to release the tension of the world and allow my body to enter the relaxation state that many don’t experience. And then while in that moment, my body dances or receives the massage motions/movements. The tension goes away. The aches subside. Nothing else matters. No background noise is heard aside from the gentle sound of background music.

When the body moves well there is an occasional pop or natural release. From hot stones to warm towels to aroma therapy, the experience is like no other. Of course I have had other massages but this therapist is by far my favorite due to his techniques.

Face down is how it begins. The shoulders. The back. The arms. The hips. The thighs. The legs. Nothing is skipped. You feel the pressure and release in your quads. Your calves. Your IT bands. Even your fingers and toes.

Then there is a pause. The slight pause is time for the flip. Flat on your back the process starts again. More oil. More warm towels. More pampering from head to toe. The forearms. The chest muscles feel the finger rub to get the smaller area. The triceps and biceps get a little more pressure. The toes crack. The feet are flexed in new ways.

I won’t give you every last detail however I will say I am completely refreshed. My mind. My body. My soul. I am capping off my session with very berry smoothie. Pictured above is the cherry on top. The chilly, protein packed refreshment. Now I am off to enjoy the rest of my weekend.

Some may say this is me spoiling myself and unneeded.  I will respond with this is self care and you should try it! From me to you. Get the massage. Spoil yourself. You are worth it! For my male readers: spoil your partner. Let them know you are okay with them relaxing and unwinding.