Tag: mental health

awareness

Grief

2chicksandapen

Grieving is different for everyone. Grieving is more difficult for some than others. This year I saw a lot of loss around me. Too much if you ask me, but it’s the hand I was dealt this year.
I lost a dog just before COVID. There are many times he is thought of but the memories in the heart last forever. He is running with the angels somewhere. There was just one Axel in my world. Forever a memory just like my childhood dog named Tuffy. 

Then a jovial business associate lost his battle with cancer in the early days of COVID. That was gut-wrenching but at a distance due to COVID. He made so many laugh. He inspired many in his years. He was just a big loss to many. He is better off now, in peace. No more suffering.

Then within 48 hours of my dad passing naturally my mother-in-law passed. Boom. Just like that. Two family leaders gone in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Amidst a pandemic. Travel bans, burial restrictions. So many nos. Not the goodbye one ever expected. The roller coaster and shock of a double whammy still makes me shake my head yet it still seems surreal.

Boom another colleague drops just like that. He was suffering in silence. Away from people due to isolation requirements with a low immune system. Gone and somewhat forgotten. Why? No service beyond the immediate family because of full-blown COVID. Time has passed. People have moved on. Did they forget? For those closest I see the hurt. Their healing is a delayed state. Still isolated. Lacking drive. Wondering why the circumstances are still what they are.

Time passes. Grief lingers. Everyone emotes differently. The fall/winter holidays are hard. The first Thanksgiving meal without that special somebody. That first Christmas tree without a special helper to decorate with. A new year alone. Isolation of a different kind sets in.

Depression hits some hard. Anger hits others. The pandemic is still here after so many months. Some haven’t moved on but some have. Isolation. Stress. Loneliness.

Check on your loved ones. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. I share my losses to help others who may still be grieving alone or in silence. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to miss that person. That’s all part of the process. You will have good days. You will have days that are a mess. Just keep picking yourself up and dusting yourself off. You can do it.

It’s time to honor the memories and cherish the moments you had with that special person with others. I’ve really thought about what I will do this holiday to make sure I include the one who’s missing in the celebrations of my family.

Their spirit can be echoed on in many ways. May you have a peaceful holiday no matter how you celebrate this year.

Make the most of what you have. Make memories. Share the special moments while you can. Even if it’s virtually.

challenges, family

Throwing Shit On the Wall

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Today is a whole new breed of parenting in my mind. All the pandemic rules and woes that challenges today’s kids, especially teens. The entitlement attitude that’s hard wired into today’s kids that I know I never had with my folks. It all collides!

All the things taken away. I get it but I’m not not in control of the changes nor do I have the power to fix them. I can just put my head down and mutter through the chaos.

Kids on the other hand struggle. Their brains are not fully developed. They may not have foresight. Their executive functions may be clouded at best. They can easily fall into a dark place and not be able to find their way out.

Yet they still have academic expectations. Those don’t change. Our society doesn’t bend or flex. It’s all about everyone fitting into a simple box. The boxes are fixed by society. They were made many years ago and they surely didn’t take a pandemic into account. Pandemic or no pandemic, kids today are expected to put their head down and plow through the chaos and the changes. Can they handle this daunting task? Maybe the vast majority can but some just can’t.

What about those who love people and crowds? Those who are ignited by passions of others? Those who are hungry for engagement with others socially? Those who are stimulated through observations. A very creative style person who is high energy, high output? Do they get lost in the shuffle academically? I am living through this currently. It’s a hot mess to say the least. I’m not a bad parent nor is my kid bad. We are just dealing with the ramifications of life and the upside down world of today. Will we get back to normal? Is there even a normal anymore?

I’ve tried the reset button. I’ve tried the take away loved items. I’ve tried restrictions. All fall on deaf ears and limited action. The real world is a tough place. Adulting is around the corner. How will they understand the grass isn’t greener on the other side of the street?
Parenting has no manual. Life has no manual. I’m running out of gas In The emotional tank trying to keep things going.

Today life’s lesson is life sucks. You move on to tomorrow even if the same problem is right there again and again.  Off to find solutions for my many problems. I must be consistent and persistent to win the teen war. Here’s to throwing shit on the wall to see what sticks! I hope you enjoyed the fuckery of this post because it’s truly representative of my fucked up day and the people around me. Here’s to wishing 2020 goodbye. No wonder why their is a toilet paper shortage…shitstorms are everywhere.

giving, health

Feeling Good

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I’m feeling good today. The best I’ve been in a while. I’m firing on all cylinders and nobody is generally up my ass. Not sure how long this peaceful state will last but I’ll take it for even five to ten minutes.

Since I was feeling good today I thought I would write a post about being thankful since Thanksgiving is approaching. 

First and foremost I am thankful for my health. My general ability to rise each day and move freely without mobility restrictions.

I am then thankful for my family and friends. Without them I wouldn’t have the support I need to carry the heavy load I do each week. Each person is placed in my life for a reason not a season.

I am thankful for opportunities. The opportunity to serve others. The opportunity to inspire and motivate those around me.

The list goes on and on. Take some time to yourself and reflect on what and who you are thankful for this holiday. Drop a note, make a call, drop by for a visit and let your circle know how valued they are. This is free but many won’t do it.

Be thankful this year for something or someone. If you’re not thankful make a donation. Somebody will benefit and be thankful for you!

healthy hacks

Same But Different

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I was on a podcast kick for a while. Then, as it happens with many things, I got burnt out on it. Many of them started to get repetitive. Still, I do a lot of driving and sometimes music doesn’t cut it. If there isn’t anyone to talk to, a podcast is worth a try.

I thought I would try to freshen up my podcast listening library. I’ve been thinking a lot about mental health lately…my own mental health as well as the mental health of my friends, my students, my family, even society at large. So Gretchen Rubin’s Happier Podcast seemed worth a shot by name alone.

I don’t know about you, but my attention span is shorter these days than it used to be…or at least it feels that way. Maybe it’s covid fatigue. Who knows. So short little tips are much more useful to me than long drawn-out explanations.

The happiness tip / healthy hack she gave at the beginning of the podcast was to do something familiar in a new way. Novelty amuses the human brain. We like to do new things. So doing something we already enjoy and adding a twist can light up the happiness spots in our brain. The hosts mention doing familiar activities at different times of day or with different people (or alone.) So go on a hike in the afternoon instead of the morning. Or go to a restaurant by yourself instead of with family. Change it up.

This seems both more challenging and more necessary during the pandemic. So many of us are very closed in, even locked down, to routines and schedules. I feel the doldrums of routines at work and even at home to some extent. For me, it might be riding my bike outside in the afternoon instead of the stationary bike at the gym in the early morning. Maybe have a hot drink in the afternoon instead of just the morning. A different scent of candle of lotion? Extra walk in the evening? Breakfast for dinner? Who knows. Take a new trail. I’ve often heard that changing up our routines can keep our brains nimble. Maybe this is a related perk.

What are some things you can do that are the same but different? What happiness hacks do you use in these challenging times? Share in the comments.

friendship

PJs on the Farm

2chicksandapen

One year ago I was on an adventure. Competing in a 1/2 marathon with my gal pals. It was an experience none of us will ever forget. We all bunked in a spacious house at the beach and made memories.

We ended up having a PJ party. Or should I say onesies party? Yes, grown adults in onesies. All different designs. We even had a photo shoot on the beach in them. Fast forward to now and we planned a new event. A weekend away in the mountains. Of course it was going to require a PJ party.

Of course we recreated some past photo ops and made some new ones. We built a pyramid and this time we didn’t collapse. We must have matured. We played games, danced, and chatted away. A girls weekend is definitely refreshing in more ways than one.

Relax-reunite-restore. Balance is always a good option during today’s challenging times. Sharing time away with your golden gal pals is priceless. Have you had an escape lately that was rewarding?

Luckily we have a weekend escape place available close by. If you don’t have a space get creative. Maybe it’s a day away instead. Maybe it’s a hotel party. Maybe it’s an even event or picnic. Find ways to connect and strengthen relationships. 

True friendships are invaluable.