Tag: humor

adventure

Buckshot and Gil

2chicksandapen

Two rednecks.

One bus.

Comedic relief.

This is what you get in Nashville, Tennessee when you book the Redneck Comedy Bus Tour. It was definitely a memorable event. Everything from camel toes to child rearing jokes and anything in between all with redneck flair.

Buckshot was the lead comedian but the driver Gil had some great punch lines. His silver flowing hair from the seventies added to the show as did the beer belly and Pabst shirt on Buckshot.

I will never think of going to the bathroom in a woods again after this show. Something about a mud missile shooting out one’s rear and bear trap clenching the front side. Riding around and around and around the roundabout with the naked statues while the Redneck bus load chanted “boobies and dicks” will also forever be burned in my mind. I know this is art, but thinking about how many pass this with kids in the car crack me up since all I hear is boobies and dicks!

So many laughs indeed. Just what the doctor ordered. Laughter. I wanted to see the smiles. I wanted to hear the laughter. I wanted the fun time. The unexpected laughs. I got just what I wanted. A few bonuses at the end included the redneck sign challenge and a free flight at Old Smokey Moonshine. More unexpected fun and laughter.

If ever in Nashville check out the tour bus. Read the reviews. You won’t be disappointed. Ask for Buckshot and Gil.

adventure

3 Hours for a Quick Blow Job

2chicksandapen

Funny title I know. I’m sure it caught somebody’s attention for all the wrong reasons. Peaking ones curiosity with a title is something I enjoy a little.

Now to circle back to the real story. I took a ride in a car for 1.5 hours recently. I meandered around the area for shits and giggles for a bit. I performed a blow job of sorts. I rested. I rode in my car again for another 1.5 hours. 

All in all, I drove three hours for a quick blow job. Not the blow job that many are still thinking about. Rather it was a good deed of sorts. An act of kindness. A helping hand.

The task at hand was blowing debris off a private roadway. Nothing major just a quick blow job of sorts. The time spent on the job itself was minimal but the ride was its own kind of adventure. Unplanned. Unexpected. The best kind of road trips for me. Add a little blow job and I’m good to go.

Now I’m on to my next adventure. This week I’m breaking my time into what I can accomplish in 3-hour increments. Just a gauge of the value of my time. Off I go.

adventure

In the Air

2chicksandapen

The other day I wrote about my travels in reference to my exposures in the airport mainly. As I reflected I thought maybe I should write about my in-flight experience.

This trip was on Southwest where my last trip was on Delta. The boarding process is different when it comes to how they group people for loading but it’s tolerable. Once on the plane I enjoyed the funny announcements. “No alcohol on this flight. That includes alcohol you may have brought with you. Save it for the after party. After you land that is.” Silly but gave me an under the mask giggle.

Then the mystery snack pack arrived. The little bag labeled with nothing but the logo or that was all I could read in the dark plane. What’s in it? A super secret surprise…

I had to put my flashlight on. It’s a snack and a smile package of deliciousness. First I can take my mask down to eat so guess what I chewed ever so slowly. Savoring each bite. One by one. There were little pretzels with a hint of seasoning of some kind. There were cheez-its or knock off cheez-it. It didn’t matter, both of those are favorite snacks. And the bonus was the round bagel crisps for an extra crunch. Yum. A snack pack made just for me! I even asked for an extra one and the gentleman was so sweet to give me another. Lucky me. Munch munch munch I did.

Got to wash down my snacks with some ice cold water. After being masked up for so long in the airport itself the water seemed extra refreshing. I never usually say I like water but this time I can say I actually did. Huge growth moment.

Flash. Flash. Flicker. Flash again. Flickering blue lights. Lasers. All out of the corner of my eye. Why it’s my travel buddy watching music videos that must be rave-type with strobe lights galore. I had to look away. Too much of a crazy show from a neighboring seat.

When I wasn’t snacking and avoiding the laser show, I was admiring the cute little 12-week-old mini golden doodle that was riding in front of me. So cute. So tiny at just 8 pounds with the wimpy little bark. Tucked inside his momma’s carrying case. He did so good on his first plane ride. Made me miss my little Teddie Aspen a little more. 

Quick flight. Less than two hours. They had WiFi but I just drifted into my own little peaceful state of self and just enjoyed thinking about things. Making plans in my notes on my phone. Recapping some business matters from the day and so on.

No turbulence. A smooth landing and off I go to the new city. Time to unbuckle and navigate my way to see how another city is adjusting to covid. What new rules will I adjust to? Just a day in the crazy world we live these days. 

Adventure awaits.

adventure, friendship

The Tale of the Pizza Shop

2chicksandapen

I was craving pizza. A loaded pizza. Full of amazing toppings. Pepperoni that was crisp and curled. Onions that were cut just right. Green peppers for some color. Mushroom for flair. And I can’t forget the best meatball slices on the planet. That’s the pizza I’m craving. A pizza from a cozy mountain pizza spot named Twisted.

Twisted pizza is such a fitting name. Twisted with any toppings you desire. Twisting your tastebuds as you devour the pizza. Mmmmmm I wish you could smell the cheese and yummy toppings.

Twisted.

Twisted is how this story came about. The twisted tale of the pizza and a coke. A fountain coke no less. Oh the adventures we have. 2 chicks. 2 flipping cokes. A damn pizza and some sticky fingers. That’s all I got. No really, it gets so much better.

My cohort started this nightmarish episode on a frightful October night in a scary part of town that just happens to have the best pizza in town. It’s takeout only because of covid. She asked do I want a drink at the checkout? No I’m taking the pizza to go. We wait in the car for the pizza man to deliver the pizza. It seems like a long time because mountain time is like beach time….Sloooow.

A revelation hits her or she decides to speak about her annoyance. You know we don’t have any coke, she exclaims. If I’m having pizza I need a coke. What? I need a coke. You said no to coke. I really need a coke. Okay let me get a coke. No they only have bottled coke and I don’t drink bottled coke. Is this for real?

Do I need to get a fountain coke for you? Yup! Okay I’m waiting in the car for the pizza so off she goes to the inferior pizza place a few doors down in the same strip center…. yes it’s smart to have two pizza joints fighting for clients within 500 ft of each other, right? That might even sound a bit twisted.

Well the other joint has fountain cokes so there you have it. She is happy. I’m happy. But that’s not where the story ends…

She gets the coke. The lid is not quite the right size. The coke spills all over. Hence the sticky fingers noted above. A millions giggles later, she shakes her head at the price of the Dixie cup full of coke ($4) but that’s because you get free refills… but we don’t get any refills in the parking lot. Again that’s so twisted. 

Then she says geez, that place was a buffet. It’s the place the pandemic forgot. A salad bar with cottage cheese. So many items free for all. And it’s open to the public. Guess they missed the rules memo from covid. I just entered a petri dish of pizza establishments and and and. All for a damn coke she said. I sighed and said a flat ass diet coke at that with zero fizz. What the what.

Did I mention she actually got a diet coke? A flat flat ass, no tasting diet coke. All that effort for such a little return. And so we decided to eat the pizza in the car. It was that kind of night. A parking lot pizza party with no music and lots of chomping and a coke to wash it down.

How the evening ended up of a parking lot pizza party with a coke. Don’t you wished you lived the extravagant and twisted life of two chicks? And had the balls to write about it? I mean the meatballs since we are clearly 2 Chicks with endless ink in our pen.

dare to be different, inspire

Sally Said

2chicksandapen

I’m kind of a big deal.

All my friends want to be around me.

At the park.

At school.

At the mall.

Being a big deal can get crazy at times.

Sometimes one of my friends will get really mad if I don’t spend enough time with just them!

I also have to make sure I don’t leave anyone out when I make plans to play after school.

Sometimes picking teams on the playground can be hard work!

I have to make sure I don’t hurt any of my friends’ feelings when I pick teams.

Who I pick first or last can be a really big deal to my friends.

Being a big deal can be hard work.

I have to be extra nice to everyone all time time.

I mean I try to be nice to people all the time but I might mess up and hurt my friends’ feelings.

I don’t know why I am a big deal.

I get up the same way each morning.

I even have crazy hair in the morning.

I brush my teeth just like my friends do.

I am not rich.

I am not famous but I might be famous one day.

I don’t have super powers.

I am just me.

I really like being just me.

I like to smile and have fun.

I like to laugh at funny jokes.

I like to make funny jokes.

I like to play sports and have fun outside.

I like to play with my dogs.

I like to be around people especially my friends.

My friends say I am goofy sometimes.

I make my friends giggle a lot.

I always have fun playing with my friends.

My dad says I am his sunshine every morning.

My dad makes me feel good when he tells me that.

My mom told me once that he calls me sunshine because I can brighten up any room full of people.

Maybe my mom and dad make me believe I am a big deal.

My sister says I can fall in a bucket of doggie doo doo but still smell like roses.

I never really understood what my sister said but my mom explained it to me.

My brother just says I am annoying.

My mom said you are special.

Your smile is infectious.

You can can make people feel better about themselves even when they can’t see for themselves.

I still don’t understand why my sister said doggie doo doo smells like roses but my mom said one day I will know when I grow up.

My family makes me rich I guess.

I love my family.

I guess I love being a big deal, too.

Being a big deal helps others.

I hope you can be a big deal, too.

If lots and lots of people believe is being a big deal then the world will be a much happier place.

I hope somebody reads this story in China or maybe even Russia. And maybe I will write more stories and become famous one day.

In today’s world we need more Sallies. What Sally says is important. In world of crazy corona challenges we all need to be kind and channel our inner Sally. We can all be a big deal. Today, tomorrow and the next day.

Because Sally said so!