inspire

Writers Block

Lately I’ve felt like I’ve had writer’s block. I have a lot to write but I don’t necessarily want to write as most of it appears negative. However, when I sit back and reflect I think it’s the perfect time to write. Go offload the blah.

When thinking about a picture for this post I immediately thought of my current book passed on to me. The No Asshole Rule is my current read. Although just into it a few pages I thought about the title. It’s meaning. It’s importance. Then I thought about my writings. My audience. My titles. The importance, hence you get today’s joyful rant. Consider this the no asshole zone. Or maybe I am an asshole. Asshat. Arsehole. Assclown.

The system(s) of life can be draining. The political system. The government system. The judicial system. The whole nine yards. Systems are in place to maintain consistency and reduce problems. However, many of our systems are outdated at best. Many systems are broken. What used to work doesn’t. When systems show signs of weakness they should be able to bend and flex, but it doesn’t because it’s a fixed system.

Life is messy. People are messy. Drama is always lurking. Money is the root of all evil in my eyes and ties to most systems, people and problems. The more you have the more you waste. The more money you have, the bigger the target on your back. Politics thrive on money. The government likes to waste money.  Money rules life. Money is a system in itself. A corrupt system because it’s not always fair and consistent among all people.

The judicial system shows different signs of weakness yet its system hasn’t been updated.

I coach one tangled in this system. Most days it’s unkind. Most days money is factor. Money ties to this service. Money means you can’t have this service. Money or cost means you can’t get something you need. Nobody can fix the system because it’s broken and robotic souls manage the chaos. 

The things I’ve seen in 2022 cause me great pause. Influential leaders covering their own ass at the expense of another. Those making examples of this or that instead of doing what’s right. So many people in general taken advantage of. So many trying to beat the system. The proverbial system. The system that sticks out likd a sore thumb.

I like to think I give enough in life to others to know karma is on my side. What about others? Where do they fall on the spectrum? Has the world changed so much in my 50 years that one’s self preservation rules over what’s right? Does money solve problems or create problems?

Each day I seem to walk through the mud of life. Some days the mud seems to be thick and heavy weighing me down. Some days it’s just annoying like a rainy day puddles in a field causing aggravation but not devastation. And then the days that the mud feels like it’s quicksand in disguise. If you don’t move fast enough you will be sucked in. I’m not alone. Many are on the struggle bus at various stages or phases of life.

Kids

Work

People

Family

Money

Politics

Religion 

These are just some of the the words that form a tangled web in which we must coexist. We live in a technology world much like the Jetsons cartoon yet our systems are still built on the foundations of the Wild West. Crazy but in my eyes it’s true.

I still have much more to write but this rant will be paused here. In the muck of it all. May this post allow you to reflect on you and what you do for others, for self, for the system or even how the system impacts you. Heck it was just 2020 when the system dictated everything for us thanks to corona. Did we learn anything? Did we make adjustments?

anonymous letters

Shhh

Shush.

Be quiet.

Mind your business.

Don’t ask any questions.

Shhh.

Why is it that people want to put you in the corner? They want to leave you alone. They want to see you but don’t want to hear you. Who wants to be shushed as an adult. Not this girl.

Freedom of speech, didn’t anyone ever teach you that as a kid? If I want to sigh in a business meeting when when somebody says something ridiculous, it shouldn’t be a big deal. When I play tennis and make a sound as I connect my racquet to the ball to emphasize the power of my stroke naturally, I should be able to. When I want to make a new friend and ask their name, it should be no big deal. If my bestie wants to sing her favorite song as she walks in the Walmart parking lot, it shouldn’t cause a commotion.

If there was a car wreck in my path, I would want to stop to see if everyone is okay. I’d stop and ask a question. I’d use my voice. If I had a coworker, I would inquire about their family. Not to be nosy, rather to be genuine. To genuinely get to know the person next to you. I’d be overall curiously engaged. Somehow today this message seems lost to many. So many folks want to mind their business and want you to mind yours. No conversation. No nothing that makes one stand out or command attention. I’m sure I can make my presence known without my words, but that’s not the point of this rant.

Maybe it’s spiraled out of control post-corona: don’t sit close to somebody at work. Don’t make friends at church, watch from home away from others. Don’t talk to strangers? I get that for kids but to me nobody is a stranger as an adult. Don’t even smile with your eyes. Don’t pry into somebody’s personal business. Don’t even make a peep on the tennis court, it’s distracting. Don’t sigh its not polite. Certainly don’t sing like you have your own concert in the parking lot. Nobody invited you to sing. How about screw you!

I will talk to who I want. When I want. I’ll make friends with who I want. I will certainly ignore who I don’t want to go talk to. I will always check in on others. Whether it be for mental health, support, cheerleading , among other valid reasons like checking my daily group chat to see who is the smarty of the day for completing Wordle. I’m a people person. Singing is an outlet for many as is music. Should we not allow music to nourish one’s soul. I don’t deal well with anyone who wants to shush another. It’s barbaric. 

I’m a people person tried and true. You can’t shhh me. You can’t put me in a corner. You can’t tell me don’t. The word don’t insinuates to do in my dictionary. Do it again. Do it many times for flair and reinforcement. I might even be relentless if I know what you told me not to do is talk to others or use my voice. Body language can speak just as loud as words but as long as freedoms exist for speech, don’t try to surpass or shush somebody.

Today’s rant is dedicated to the nice old lady who attempted to shhh me. She should go fly off on her broomstick and shhh herself. Her shhh attempt silenced me for a short time as I was caught off guard. Why would she be so blunt and rude? Oh because she is just that. Blunt and rude.

I do believe words are powerful. I do think writing is therapeutic. I think putting my emotions out into the web shows vulnerability and humility. I also think the variety of topics we cover can lead others to uncover who they are or where they are  going through our virtual voice. Right here on this blog.

Life is full of experiences. Some good. Some not so good. Many I know are up against odds as we speak, but they push through their obstacles. At the same time others stare at obstacles as if they were cement road blocks. A wall that can’t be climbed. A surface that is impenetrable. An invisible wall preventing oneself from being amazing. This is fear. 

Fear of the unknown. Fear of losing. Fear of gaining: fear of experience. Fear of trying. Fear of being good. Fear of losing a job. Fear of hurting somebody’s feelings. Just fear in all aspects.

Todays rant is simple. I was pissed off. I decided to write about it. This is what diarrhea of the mouth or should I say pen or maybe keyboard since this is what our writing looks like. Unfiltered. Just like the murky water of your toilet when you have legit diarrhea. On that visual I will sign off for the evening as I have now began chuckling in my bed as I just wrapped up this post. Laughing now ensures I will sleep well without a wandering mind. No chasing the shhh monster in my sleep tonight. 

Oh how my editor is going to cringe when I say post this bitch uncensored and unedited! I’m sure she will get past the initial shock of it but this pic below probably describes her face as she reaches this point in the post. Do I laugh? Do I cry? Do I say OMG? Do I almost want to barf? Probably all of the above and this pic depicts the oh shit face of tomorrow when this bad boy is read by my team. It will definitely be an oh shit moment or two that I can’t wait for.

Good night to all. Let the your mind rest as you sleep away the woes of today to be fiercely dedicated to making tomorrow awesome. Remember to use your voice. Talk to others. And sing that anthem you love in the public bathroom because you can. Listen with curiosity. And don’t shh or shush anyone. If you shh me, I am not your fan girl at all.

anonymous letters

If then statements

Caution: irrational rant ahead.

People make me wonder sometimes.

Actually people make me wonder a lot of the time. Lately, I’ve noticed my mental script is doing more and more of these: a question version of the if / then statements I had to write for proofs in college logic class.

If you cannot pay your rent, then why are you eating out all the time?

If you cannot pay your medical bills, then how do you buy a car (and, with gas prices as they are, drive it anywhere?)

If you cannot afford to pay for your basic memberships, then why do you have a nicer camera than me? Better shoes? The latest fashion?

If you cannot make it to class, then why were you out partying last night (according to your instagram posts)?

I know, I know. Maybe the camera and shoes were gifts. Maybe they’ve made arrangements. Maybe they are down on their luck. Maybe I don’t know the whole story.

Well, surely I don’t know the whole story. I make judgments. Assumptions. Plenty of which are incomplete or even wrong.

Still, it’s frustrating when I see case after case of people falling short in their basic commitments but seeming to spend money on things that, in my world, are “extras.” Is it fun to pay the water bill? The mortgage? Health insurance? Dues payments for commitments I have voluntarily made? No! Is it fun to have to get up and go to class or work the day after a party, a holiday, a late night big game? No! Of course I’d rather sleep in, ignore my bills, take the day off, go on vacation, not spend hours meal prepping on the weekend and just go out to eat instead. Who wouldn’t?

It’s hard to quiet those murmuring voices in my head. It’s hard to keep my mouth shut when I know too much. It’s hard to be sympathetic when I feel like I am being mostly responsible with my time, my resources, my finances. I try to make sure the “have tos” are covered before the “want tos” make it in the mix. I feel like more and more people have those things reversed. They feel they deserve some “want tos” when the “have tos” haven’t even been dealt with. What makes some people feel that is ok while others buckle down and make sure things are taken care of? And in my world, that leads to the shit spewing that I mentioned in recent posts….

I know it’s more complicated than all that but still, it’s frustrating. Maybe one of our readers can share their wisdom.

Until then, just another rant from my side of the keyboard.

challenges, perspective

Sleepless Shit List

Do you ever have a sleepless night? I do. Sometimes I’m worrying about a kid. Sometimes I’m thinking about a deadline. Sometimes I’m mad. I could even be excited for an upcoming trip. Anxious for a doctor appointment. Any number of reasons.

Today’s reason was just the normal bullshit that built up over the week. Anger would be the feeling or distraction. Wrestling with my kids to find solutions. Planing ahead.

Thinking about rainy day scenarios. Covid blah. Sort of like playing a game of chess with yourself inside your brain. Sounds fun right? Not exactly.

If I don’t sleep good my workout sucks in the morning. If my workout doesn’t flow my morning usually blows. From there the day goes down hill. Add in the crazy of a normal day and everything magnifies.

I am sure there are people in worse situations and that’s why I hit the reset rainbow button in the morning. Training my mind to see the rainbows and sunshine in the day vs focusing on life’s blunders.

Some days this works better than others. Today I decided to make a shit list in my head. Hopefully to tire myself out. Ironically I fueled it. Like gasoline on a fire. Poof. The shit list went from in my head to paper to the white board.

Who is on it? What did they do? How does one get off it? Is it even possible to get off the shit list? So many questions. The point is I have a shit list currently. Funny how my sleepless night turned into a shit list.

I tried to soothe my mind as the weekend approached. I put the AirPods in for a cardio session at the gym. I eased the anger a bit it not enough. I spent time with a loved one. It took the edge off but not enough. I mowed acres of grass. The fresh cut smell of grass was soothing. I found an escape even if temporary.

I circled back to my environment and the shit list was still there. Each of the top three independently made selfish decisions yet again confirming their status on the shit list. How funny to be awake and realizing what I dreamed in my sleep was factual.

So crazy. The shit list remains. Those on it know. Now it’s up to them to get off it. But will they?

challenges

Pretend It’s Normal

It’s not quite the end of 2020 and there are about ten thousand phrases I’d like to forget with the new year.

Here are just a few, besides the obvious social distancing:

Abundance of caution – “Out of an abundance of caution, we’ve postponed another event you’ve already planned for / paid for / trained for / committed to indefinitely.”

A little different – “Thanksgiving / the holidays / Disney World / The Peachtree Road Race will look a little different this year, but…”

A year like no other…the list goes on. I want it to stop.

But the one that is like a dagger to my lungs is just the word “normal” in almost any context. Yes, “new normal” is annoying because it implies that this is going to drag on and on forever. But just the word normal is even worse. Especially in my work environment.

“We want it to be like a normal school experience.”

Say what you will about science and politics. What we are going through is not normal. I’m hopeful it’s a once-in-my-lifetime occurrence. Walking around in masks, keeping 6 feet apart, sanitizing a million times a day, kids unable to move as they please or need to, feeling suspicious every time someone sneezes…none of this is normal. Dear bosses…Evaluating how or what I am doing based on “normal” standards is also silly. Thankfully, our state lawmakers came to their senses and made the high-stakes tests high school students take at year end irrelevant to their grades. Take it all as just data, not as a way to penalize kids for situations they didn’t create or choose.

People are doing the best they can. And now more than ever that can be a messy, unpredictable, incomprehensible jumble. Forgive it all. Accept it. This goes for my attitude toward myself, too. Keep going. Lift others up when you can. That’s all I can do.

So when you say you want it to be more normal…I want work (and grocery shopping and traveling and everything else for that matter) to be more like a “normal” experience, too. I wish none of this were happening or that I could wave my magic wand and have it be over. Voila! Normal!

Not that easy. Hopefully we are on the way to a better normal in the near future. But for now, can we please just treat this like the anything-but-normal experience it is?

What pandemic words and phrases make you ragey these days?