Tag: challenges

challenges

The Icky Stage

2chicksandapen

I’m at a stage in life that seems challenging at best. It’s almost hard to breakdown each component but I decided I’d write about some of it.

First challenge is movement. In the past six weeks I’ve gone from feeling amazing to battling injury after injury or aches. It’s not been fun. It’s been painful many days. It’s also been humbling to be sidelined a bit from what I enjoy most. I guess that makes me agitated in other areas of life. 

I’ve been to the doctor. I’ve been to the doctor again. What’s changed? Did you have an accident? What caused this? Why doesn’t the firm or doctor ask if I’m having menopausal symptoms? I mean I get asked if this is a worker’s compensation injury every time!

I want to say thank you to menopause for the instant list of ailments but I can’t really conclusively prove it. I will however say my long list of ailments go hand-in-hand with what many women note as issues, or at least google tells me that and so do the one million ads that pop up on my phone. I just didn’t expect it to hit me full force without notice. Am I paranoid? Some days I feel that way. Am I a chronic complainer? Some days I feel like it. Do I have pain? Most days. Is this all a change from a short time ago? 100%

In the midst of change is also worry. The routine breast exam. Then the mammogram. Then there is the breast exam recheck. The extra squishing of the boobs to see if you have cancer. That sounds awesome, right? I’d say no it’s not fun. I’d also say it’s not fun to have more than once. Then it’s the ultrasound. A deeper dive into your boobs. What’s next a biopsy? Joyfully, nope. A probe into your breast to place a marker and obtain a tissue sample. I will definitely reframe this but amidst all else it just creates a shit show theme. For some it’s good news. For others it’s not and that process requires so much more than I can explain in this post.

As we move on to just being busy. Events galore. Year end wrap up on steroids for school events. Graduation parties. Travel. Endless to do items. The joy and fun of everyday is mainly bundled with have to appearances and must do now items. Exhausting is the word that comes to mind. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. Add these items on to the icky menopausal stage of life and boom. One day you might cry. The next day you might scream. You might even enjoy your solitude. You might even forget stuff amidst a brain fog episode. Go figure.

Space. No personal space. With life being front and center, it’s full of people. Everywhere I turn. Work. Home. Gym. Store. Events. It’s peopley and when you are really overstimulated and over scheduled the last thing you want to deal with is people. Let’s face it people are messy and when you’re in my shoes people avoidance seems almost a necessity! Decompression time is a mental health checklist item these days. So is yoga and deep breathing exercises.

Today I’m celebrating a sleepless night.

Today I’m appreciative of having my body working at maybe 80%.

Today I’m avoiding people as in holiday gatherings because I can. 

Today I’m at peace.

Tomorrow I’m not looking forward to. It’s a work day. Less time to recover. More have tos.

As I close out this post I should note I started it a while ago. I revisited it and sometimes just stared at the content. Today I wrote a little more and decided to close it out. One of things I control in life is what I elect to write about and choose to publish. Some days I may think I over share. Some days I wish I shared more. The constant irony.

No matter the day, I’m always glad I have an outlet. An online journal that is open to others. I don’t care what the comments are. I just care that I was true to myself in the process.

Much love from the sleepless night crew. Much strength going to those working through menopausal symptoms. Much thanks to all those displaying patience and support to loved ones in the icky stage.

fitness and nutrition

Chilly and Chocolate

2chicksandapen

One of my goals for 2024 is a chip-timed race of 10k or longer each month. Six need to be half marathons. I’ve written about my first half marathon in Little Rock, which was amazing. But that was in March. I thought I’d share a quick recap of my January and February races as well.

You may be wondering why I skipped them to begin with. To be honest, my year of running started with pain. And walking. I’m not exactly sure why, but in December 2024 I had some lower back pain that was difficult to work through. Running seemed to be one of the things that made it flare. So, even as I set a goal to complete races, I started 2024 by learning to walk as fast as I could for longer distances.

You may think walking is easy. You may also think it is just running in slow motion. Neither of these things are true. Maintaining a decent pace (under 15 minutes) is tough for multiple miles. And walking, in my experience, actually fatigues very different muscles than running. So they may seem similar, but the physical and mental efforts required are different.

I showed up to the Chilly Willy 10k EXTREMELY nervous. It was a small local race. Would my back flare up? Would I be pulled off the course for being too slow? What would people think of a walker? Can I actually do this? I was an honest-to-goodness wreck. I was quiet, evasive, withdrawn, generally flustered…those who know me well can see this happening. My heart rate was super high even before we started. Maybe 100 of us were there to participate. Thankfully I had a couple of my running buddies joining me. There were 5k, 10k, and half marathon racers all starting together. After a quick wait at the start line, away we went.

And, as I watched most of the other racers take off running, I walked at a quick clip. There were maybe a dozen of us walking. The first mile was almost all downhill, which meant (as an out and back course), the end would be a trudge. It was extremely cold at the start…there were patches of ice on the concrete path. But in the sun it was not so bad. Once I found my groove, playlist in my ears, I was just moving right along with a smile on my face.

It didn’t take long for the first 5k participants to come racing back. Focused, quick, intense, they floated by. I cheered for them. I finally made it to the 5k turnaround / water station. And as everyone else I was pacing with turned back for the 5k finish, I continued onward on the 10k course.

From that point on, I was alone. I had no idea if anyone was behind me. Once in a while, another 10k participant would breeze by in the opposite direction and we shared smiles. At this point, I was just grooving along. Nothing hurt. I was making decent time. I really couldn’t ask for anything more. I saw my friends flying by after their turnaround. Both were looking strong. I continued to move right along, dodging icy patches before I turned around.

There weren’t many people behind me. Once in a while I’d see a half marathoner (a double out-and-back course) coming by. I held my pace fairly well until the end. My friends had been texting for updates. I knew they were waiting for me. I walked myself all the way in to the finish, feeling pretty good. I know I was smiling as I finished and got hugs from my friends.

I was so happy to have finished and grateful that I felt fairly good physically. It wasn’t until later that I learned I actually got 3rd place in my age group in the 10k. I laughed. Ok, it wasn’t a huge pool of people but you can bet I requested my medal and displayed it happily.

I continued to walk until the February race, the Hot Chocolate Atlanta 15k. This is a much bigger race with lots of fanfare and fun. My plan for this race was to walk the first 7 miles and then try running until the end. I was feeling physically good. I was happy to be running with my daughter (ok, she’s much faster than me, but we did participate together) and a group of friends. So I went along with my plan and hoped for the best.

The race itself felt sort of unremarkable. I had done the course before. It’s not my favorite. After seven miles of walking, I held my breath and ran. I figured at that point, if pain came up, I could just go back to walking and still manage to finish.

Gratefully, there wasn’t any pain, and I got to celebrate with my friends and daughter at the finish line. Time for a new training plan and hitting the road for racecations.

I learned patience in this time of pain and frustration. I worked around my injury and still continued to move every day. Sometimes progress isn’t linear. Sometimes it doesn’t look like we hope it will. I can take pride in not giving up and just keeping my head up. Forward is a pace is my new mantra.

#TinkRuns2024

She’s Running May 2024

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Five months checked off, barely.

10k completed. 

Close to 150 miles accumulated after 5 months. Definitely short of my plan after the past several weeks of low or no-go days.

My 10k was a little crazy to reflect on. It was my first big run of 2024. It was my first 10k since 2019. It was after having two cortisone shots. One shot in each knee, the latest shot being just four days prior. It was hard. It was rewarding. It was darn close to a personal best and it definitely wasn’t my slowest. It didn’t feel like a strong run rather it felt like I checked a box for completion. I’ll consider all of that a success story. It was a down-and-back course. In one way I liked it as I could see friends along the way. In one way I didn’t like it because I knew what was ahead meaning I focused on the hills vs. following my plan. All was done before I knew it. Just over an hour.

Cold weather is in the rearview for now. On to more sticky and hot weather. Not sure which is preferred yet, but I’m sure at the end of 2024 I will have more commentary on the weather, wardrobe, and so on. Trying to make getting up early in summer to hit the parks. Priority to run. So far attempts are meh at best.

I survived my tennis state finals. It was a humbling experience. I played singles against an opponent a good many years younger than me. Over 20 years to be exact. I got my running in on the court that day and I didn’t come up a winner. I did however learn a lot in the process. How to accept defeat. How to value those who play singles often. How I need to play someone more my age.

Race day essentials has been an ongoing project. Most likely the final list will come out just in time for the big marathon day. Testing out items throughout the year. I’ve mentioned shoes before but now I guess I can include some of my quirky items. I’ve got the bib holders to not ruin my shirt. Three of my favorite grab ‘n’ go snacks. My vest with easy-to-drink water bottles. Salt stick: Iced berry. Love these. A little tube of glitter which is my signature race day flair item. Just a glimpse of what I use.

A lot of major events on the calendar starting this month. Non-stop activities for the rest of the year. Going to be interesting to see how training fits into it all. Especially the long runs that take away a lot of time. Adapting to change will be key. Modifying for injuries is also vital. Long plane rides ahead. Starting with international travel next month. Traveling to Greece in a once-in-a-lifetime fashion. Spending days at sea means no running but finding a safe spot when on land. Just to even get a mile in will be key and cool to do.

Seven more months to go.

Body changes seem to be at a standstill or less notable as I work through injuries these days. I may even feel more jello like than lean. Could just be the mindset as of late.

Miles to date in 2024 is now hanging sound 150 working towards 200 for now. A good distance behind my goal again thanks to a busy schedule and injuries.

Mental milestone:

Moving forward little by little toward my goal despite the pain along the way. Learning over and over not to take one day for granted.

Marathon training plan: completed 4 weeks with about  75% success rate meaning I wasn’t perfect. I wasn’t hitting each day exactly as prescribed but I got the miles in as I could. 

Looks like an MRI is on the June agenda just to double check the knee situation. A new performance doctor to take a second look. I need to know if my joints are weak from menopause or if I have a tear I’m limping along with. Not sure which I’d prefer at this time, but an answer or clarity would be good in my eyes.

adventure, fitness and nutrition

My Racecation Era

2chicksandapen

Here we are midway through 2024…I’m solidly in my Racecation Era.

One of my goals this year is to run a race 10k or longer each month. These races have to be timed. Why? I have learned that I perform differently when I am wearing a timing chip. I push harder. I challenged myself to take on a chip-timed race every month for 2024 to see what I could accomplish. Six of these races need to be half marathons.

Now that I am not spending time chasing my kids around as much, I have time to run around (literally) chasing my own goals and dreams. With that in mind, I decided to make some of my monthly events Racecations. Yes, I am planning a number of trips centered around specific races. Unusual? Maybe. But why not?

I had a few criteria for choosing events. First, they have to be “back of the pack” friendly. Another way to say this is that they need to have generous time limits. Although I am running often, I am by no means fast, and what’s the point of traveling for a race if you get to the end and the finish line is closed…or if you get pulled from the course before you finish? So I have to read the fine print and see if I can be reasonably assured I will finish in time.

I also wanted races with great crowd support. Even if I travel with people, in most cases I spend a lot of time running by myself. With that in mind, I want some cool things to look at. Neat neighborhoods to pass through. Fans coming out to cheer. In many cases, this means bigger races.

Finally, I admit I want a medal for every race this year. The bigger, the better. Other swag is also great, but a big medal makes me irrationally happy.

I’ve been compiling possible races from facebook groups for slower runners, a great site called Race Raves, and other posts I’ve saved. Then I spend time cross referencing with my calendar. A peek at air fare is also part of the process.

I’ve written so far about the Little Rock Half Marathon, and more recaps are on the way. Am I on the way to joining the 50 States Half Marathon Club? Maybe. In the mean time, I hope you’ll enjoy racecationing with me! Which have you run that are worth the trip?

challenges, dare to be different

Life Over 50

2chicksandapen

I never really thought much about life over 50. Well I did think it’s half way to 100 and I’m going to live well beyond 50. That is about the extent of my thoughts.

Now I am here and there are some great parts of life to celebrate and some parts that are down right shitty. I normally wouldn’t gravitate to the shitty side of life however I decided it’s worth writing about it. Mainly because others might benefit from this rant and I’ll have a placeholder to look back on.

Menopause. The word. Why does it even start with men! Why just why?

I’m 52 and change. I have my normal aches and pains. I also have my daily inconveniences. I need to use the bathroom more frequently. Sometimes even more urgently than others. Many times in the middle of the night. I know I’m not alone. This is probably high on the list of inconveniences since it impacts daily life.

The water cooler talks or should I say the womanly chats are not about what your favorite dinner spot is anymore! It’s more of what supplements are you taking? What are your symptoms? What’s working? What’s not working? Are your joints hurting? The list goes on and on. This stage of life I wasn’t ready for. I blinked and menopause was at my doorstep. Front and center.

Irregular cycles. The inconsistency can drive you crazy. Flat out crazy. Fatigue one day. Sleepless the next. As I write it’s 3am. I should be tired. I am tired. However I can’t sleep. I really can’t even get comfortable in bed. Nobody is awake to know I’m just sitting here idle. A new kind of alien time. How I used to sleep as in body positioning is now uncomfortable. My favorite pillow makes me hot now. My blankets are just right one minute. Then I’m hot, hot, hot. Zero consistency. Let me say that louder for those in the back. I have zero consistency in many areas of life in this phase.

Men. O. Pause. Men can pause. They can hit pause and run away. They can be supportive. They can think you are bat shit crazy. In the blink of an eye your normal is now a new normal and it’s hard enough to adjust to for you. What about others around you? Life is messy and I will say this is definitely a messy stage. Are you supported? Does your family think you have lost your grip on life?

The annual checkups get more complex. A mammogram. A colonoscopy. A full body skin check. A bone density scan. The list goes on and on. How does one even manage  without good insurance?

Somehow women push through the difficult stages of life. The teen years and all that goes along with it. Motherhood and the body changes, if that is your route. Raising kids and balancing life. Shifting to aging with grace. I’m in the aging with grace stage. The it’s time to have adult fun but balance with the blah of aging.

As I live through the muck of this stage of life I control what I can. My nutrition. My physical activity. My mental wellness. My circle of friends. My energy sucks. I choose wisely each day. It’s a requirement. If today I can sleep 9 hours, I choose sleep because another day this week I might not be so lucky. If I can get in an extra workout one day, I do it because the next two I might be sidelined. 

I’m adapting to change. I’m saying yes to the unknown. I’m saying a shift in my routine is okay. This is how I’m managing my chaos. Adaptability for me may be different than others. I’m 100% okay with that. If I don’t fit the box for someone around me, that’s okay too. I’m not a fit for everyone at every moment.

I have a plan for my day today to start at 7am. What happens at 10am, 2pm and 5pm may be different than I envisioned. Why? Well I may be tired from being up most of the night.  My body may say no thanks to what I originally planned. I may get moody and want to avoid people. This is a real fact of this stage and I am definitely a people person yet I like to avoid people sometimes. I’m adapting.

Adapting to change comes with other challenges. Impulsivity. The need to do something now. Immediately. My timeline not yours. Or maybe it’s stubbornness. No. No. No.  I’m not going x. I’m not doing what you want. It’s just a game of no, no, no. I could go on and on about this topic but I will hit pause.

I will pause here for women. I will say take a deep breath. Inhale that deep breath. Exhale that toxic air that seems to be hindering you today. It will probably come back again tomorrow and the next day. It’s life. It’s a phase. Just breathe through it. That’s what I’m doing. I’m taking the good with the bad. I’m breathing in the sunshine and exhaling the bullshit.

I’m celebrating me. Many may not understand this phase of life if they haven’t hit the wall. The men-o-pause wall. The wall men want you to pause at. Do you reflect and move on? Do you cower and seek refuge? As a strong and fiercely independent woman, I pause. I study. I reflect. I change. I pivot sometimes on what seems like just my big toe and I jump. I lunge forward to what’s next. What’s waiting for me, because that’s all I know.

I know to enjoy what life is left. Live life to the fullest. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed thus I will plunge forward. Look for my travel stories. Watch me adventure. My why will always be why not.  If you are reading this and feel stuck, get unstuck. Book a trip. Take a long walk. Find a new hobby. Find your joy. Do what makes you happy because you are living in this body of yours. Not the person next to you!

Stop comparing yourself to others. Don’t worry if you don’t fit the mold another wants. You focus on your survival of this stage in life. The people who stick around in this transitional phase are the true keepers in life.