Tag: selfcontrol

challenges, fitness and nutrition

Thriller Lake

2chicksandapen

When a friend first sent me the link, I laughed. He was training for an ultra running event, and who knows why but he was looking for more. I am training for a 15k in January and slowly (slowly!) increasing my running every week. I jotted the date down in my calendar, thinking I would go and support him if he did it. But a little voice in the back of my mind also wondered if I could do the three hour event myself as part of my own preparation for January…

Finding the time and energy to run in this season of life has been harder than my ramp up to a half marathon several years ago. I’m not really sure why that is. Technically, I have fewer commitments crowding my calendar. Still, I haven’t been putting the volume of miles into my legs that I should be in order to feel prepared.

As the date crept up, I decided it was time to test myself. If I end up walking, so be it. I set the goal of 5 laps…each lap is 2.2 miles. 11 miles in 3 hours seemed possible. Most of my miles these days are between 15-17 minutes. With a few breaks and to allow for some slowing in the latter miles, 5 laps would be a challenge but I was determined to try.

Another challenge was the time of the event. I would be on the course from 5 pm to 8 pm. I am a hard-core morning exercise person. Lately I have been running a mile or two in the afternoons once or twice a week, but an all-out extended effort in the evening would be a stretch.

When the day came, I had told a couple of people what I was up to but not many. I’m inspired by this image from Compete Every Day.

I packed up my stuff. I ate some extra carbs. I showed up at the right time, grabbed my bib, and lined up with a few dozen other brave / crazy souls and away we went.

Honestly, the run was pretty uneventful. I have a good playlist. People were encouraging. I was several minutes ahead of my target times on each of the first couple of loops. Some runners had full tents set up with chairs and food and decorations. The official tent had trays of cold food and hot. The runners who were competing in the 6 and 12 hour events commented on the quality of the grilled cheese, quesadillas, and more. It had a Halloween theme so some people were dressed in costume.

Aside from cheering on other racers, my mind was focused on my time and my goal. From a “back of the pack” running group on facebook, I had figured out how to set my watch for intervals. I would run two minutes, walk one. I did this pattern for most of the event. My watch buzzed me every time I had to switch.

My trusty playlist kept me going. I even had some universe whispers from a friend who has passed on. He came to me in a group of songs that kept me moving when I was tired.

Other pleasant diversions were the signs some had made to encourage runners. There was a trick or treat fun run with little kids in costume. There were dogs. There were lights. A pretty sunset and a beautiful Harvest moon.

Lap four started and my energy really started to falter. My strength in these long efforts is usually being able to stay consistent even in the later miles. At least that was the case last time around. But I could really feel my lack of training after mile 8. Slower walking in my recovery minutes. Walking creeping into the running minutes. I could also feel that I hadn’t fueled properly. I ate more running chews than I ever have. I ate less nutritious, whole food than I ever do. Combined with running with a headlamp, I was slogging across the finish line of lap 5 but I had about 9 minutes to spare. It was all just guts and will for the last mile or two, but I met my goal.

Given the chance, I would totally do it again. It gives me a benchmark to work from. It doesn’t give me “back of the pack” anxiety since I’m working against a clock and not a finish line. So if I’m free again next year, I’ll do it. I’m also looking at scheduling a half marathon in the spring.

A few kinks to work out…how to fuel for an afternoon race. Shortly after I completed the run, I was overcome with nausea. It lasted for hours. I knew it was from the sugared, artificial nutrition I had taken in (oh, and caffeine). It would also be nice to have a friend or two on the course. Even if I don’t run at the same pace as others, it does help to have someone out there sharing the suffering.

I’m clapping for myself and looking ahead. The goal now is to get out and run more often. To spend more time putting miles on my legs. Training to get faster and better. By the time the 15k rolls around, I hope to be feeling much better about the experience.

challenges, fitness and nutrition

The Push

2chicksandapen

One hour.

One movement.

One idea to consider.

Today’s workout was called The Push. One hour of sled pushes. I had to go to the gym for this one since I don’t have a sled at home. It had to be a day when I woke up awfully early. Also had to be a day when they weren’t using sleds in the class workout. All the conditions were met one early June morning. I loaded the sled up, didn’t really warm up, and just started the slow methodical pushing up and down the turf. Back. Forth. Back. Forth.

It didn’t take long until the ideas started to flow. I took a short break to grab a whiteboard and a pen to start capturing my thoughts.

The idea to think on during this workout is “in the face of…”. What can you push through?

In the face of….

In the face of….

All the adversity hit me every time I braced to push that sled. I didn’t even know how much it weighed altogether. I first started answering the “in the face of”s with I can statements, but that soon changed to “I am…” statements. About every fourth push I would stop to jot then get back to it.

In the face work of I am capable

In the face of challenge I am strong

In the face of boredom I am proactive

In the face of adversity I am grateful

In the face of scrutiny I am undaunted

In the face of doubt I am confident

In the face of fatigue I am resilient

In the face of distraction I am focused

In the face of overwhelm I am undeterred

In the face of heavy I am strong

In the face of confusion I am clear

In the face of exhaustion I am centered

In the face of impatience I am calm

In the face of change I am nimble

In the face of insurmount I am worthy

In the face of conformity I am unique

In the face of complacency I am willing

I am powerful. In control. Independent. Thankful.

I am a reservoir of all that I need.

So many times during long workouts I am trying to distract myself, tune out from the dcscomfort and pain. It was a challenge to tune in and use the monotony to try to make sense of things.

I can choose to focus on the positive and powerful. I can tune in to discomfort and use it as a tool. And in the face of obstacles, I can get things done. A beautiful reminder.

challenges

Make Today Count

2chicksandapen

Life is full of emotions.

One day you feel amazingly accomplished. The next day you can feel deflated as if your world just crumbles beneath you. It’s life they say. How do you deal with the ups and downs of life?

A week doesn’t go by without the craziness of friend or family member in turmoil. Emotionally distraught. At wit’s end because of x, y or z. It can be hard to be the person to shoulder all this weight from many different angles and or people. Exhausting at times.

Tomorrow is a new day. Never let today’s worries weigh down your tomorrow. You have to be able to reset or your burden will continually grow until the weight can’t be carried further. This is normally where emotions are high and people say things they regret. It’s inevitable.

Do yourself a favor. Worry less about changing others and change how you react to negativity. You can control your attitude. Your actions. Your emotions. You can’t control those things in others no matter how much you try. 

I feel good today.

I felt good yesterday.

I felt good the day before.

Why? Because I wasn’t carrying the burden of others. I may have shared in the burden by listening to their challenges, but I didn’t carry the weight. I offered support. I will continue to offer support as much as I need but I won’t do the heavy lifting.

I’ve written about givers and takers in life before. I see it often. A good example is the friend who needs your shoulder often. You give it often. However there is never a return gesture. They never ask how you are doing. They never ask if you need anything. They talk but don’t listen. They take but don’t give. Most often these are the folks that carry the hefty mental and emotion burdens. Guilt. Hatred. Fear. Judgement. All of it.

I choose to start fresh. Not a care in the world each day. It may be for 5 minutes or 5 hours, but I start fresh. I make today count. I may not always do the things on the to do list. I do however find a way to do something on the ta da list. Sometimes planned. Sometimes not.

Start fresh.

Start again.

Don’t live with regrets.

Make today count.

Make today count for you because you only control you.

balance

Life being Lifey

2chicksandapen

Life is being extra lifey these days. War, weather, mental stresses, financial hardships, on and on and on. It’s everywhere. My work life, my personal life, family friends colleagues acquaintances are all full of it. People are messy in their best times. Now, their messiness is more like a shambles that spills out and spreads all over.

Assume people will get sick, have issues and set backs and not be able to execute. Assume extra tasks, jobs, and responsibilities are coming as a result of the balls that others will drop. It’s just how things are right now. How can I thrive, survive, persist, stay sane in light of these times?

Here’s how I am hanging on for this bumpy ride:

Eat well. There are certain things I don’t farm out to anyone. Nutrition is number one. I own every step of that process from planning it to shopping for it to cooking it to packing it up. I don’t like being off plan and I don’t always make great decisions when it’s left to the last minute, whatever I can get my hands on. I know that eating well makes me feel better and do better. End of story.

Exercise first thing in the morning. The only possible exception is Sundays. Exercise helps me manage stress and gives me a sense of accomplishment and strength right off the bat. Extra boost if I see my friends and get the social sweat aspect of life first thing as well, but this isn’t always possible. Movement always is!

Stay ahead on things, knowing curveballs are coming. Busy season is about to kick up. When I have an idle moment, I try to think about what task I can push one step (or more steps) forward. Throw the laundry in. Clean something. Stock the pantry with two instead of one. Hopefully, when deadlines come or something is needed, I am ready instead of behind the eight ball trying to juggle and patch things together. Being ahead on what I can eases my stress.

Sundays. Sundays are my reset and ready-for-the-week day. I try to protect this if at all possible. It is often the only day I start with an extended coffee time at home. I write. I pull out clothes for the week. I make lists. I try really hard not to drive anywhere further away than 10-15 minutes unless it is a soul-serving adventure. Looking ahead on the calendar, keeping Sundays “sacred” will get harder and harder as fall’s busy-ness kicks in. Even as I write this, my Saturday and Sunday has flipped for this weekend. But I still try to keep one day with fewer commitments. Go-go-go all the time wears me out.

Notice nature. Get out and immerse myself in nature as often as possible, even for a few minutes a day. Flower farming has been amazing for this. I have a couple of hours a week in our field, just cutting flowers, watching bees and butterflies, soaking up the fresh air. I keep our flowers with me at work and home so I see them many times a day. They always make me take a small mental pause and smile.

What could I add? I need to write more often. I need to stretch. I need to meditate. These fall too low on the to-do list right now and I know each of them would help. This paragraph is a challenge to myself!

These last few weeks have been a lot, at times bordering on “too much, I can’t handle it, get me out of here.” There have been times I’ve considered drinking alcohol, which I don’t do. I’ve considered massive carb-and-cheese-laden meals of things I don’t typically eat. These things float through my mind, I notice them, then remind myself what works for me.

“Self care” has been a buzzword over the last couple of years. It comes with these challenging times. Life being lifey just beats many of us down and we need to take care of ourselves. I am a firm believer that you can’t pour from an empty cup, meaning you have to keep yourself cared for before you can care for others. Self care looks different for everyone. For some, it means doing whatever you want, regardless of the craving and what it costs. For me, self care does not mean self indulgence. Sometimes it means reminding myself what my goals are and what makes me feel healthy. A cocktail isn’t self care for me. Or a piece of chocolate cake. Might feel good for a moment, but then I’m left dealing with the fallout from my own impulsiveness.

In the end, I can only try to control my own decisions, my time, and my attention. I have to redirect myself when the decisions others make upset me. Boundaries are ok to set and adhere to. I only have to explain myself to those select few people who warrant it. But for most people, “no” can absolutely be a complete sentence.

perspective

Body Envy

2chicksandapen

A recent conversation between friends turned to observations about an acquaintance of ours. In the past year or so she has become incredibly fit and muscular. The comments jumped back and forth: “Have you seen her?” “She is just a solid rock.” “I might have body envy.”

I thought about it and, remarkably, I totally don’t have body envy. At all.

I can look at her and think wow, she looks great. She is lean and strong. So it’s not that I don’t think she is in amazing shape…it’s more that I don’t have body envy of anyone.

Maybe there was a time when I looked at bodies and wished mine were different. But not now. Am I perfect? Nope. Mine is a body that has carried as much as 314 pounds (or more.) There is flab and extra skin hanging down that no amount of clean eating and gym work will ever take away. It’s me. It’s my story. Even though I am proud of my shoulders, if I lift my arms up there is a ton of deflated balloon skin that just drapes down. It is what it is. It is me.

It’s a choice for me. A choice to be comfortable in my skin. I’m pretty proud of where I am and what I can do. So no, I don’t have body envy. I wouldn’t change my story.

You know what I envy, if anything? A person’s spirit. Their soul. Their joy.

People with endless kindness. People with hearts for so many. People who always seem to find the bright side, even in the darkest of times. People who are caring, lively, giving.

Bodies are great. Goodness knows we need them and need to keep them healthy. But there are limits to what we can do to change them, especially after years and decades of experience (and, in some cases, enjoyment or abuse, depending on how you look at it.)

The spirit can always be made more beautiful.