Tag: relationships

perspective

Good Bye 2023

2chicksandapen

What a year. So many cool things came up on my radar. Many fun adventures. A few trials. A few set backs. Many lessons learned. All in all it was a good year.

I learned to play pickleball in 2023. A new sport for me. A new social group. I very much enjoyed picking up this new hobby. I even enjoyed getting beat by old people my first season in a league. Maybe a little humbling too.

For 2024 I’m spending time with the 1sE app a friend recommended. Basically documenting a second a day for the year. A picture or video or combo. Can’t wait to see what makes the reel. Seems like a fun way to rewind 2024 a year from now. 

I got a chance to travel a good bit in 2023. Spent time on the road with different travel mates adding to the adventures.  Travel by plane. Travel by car. Travel by RV. The variety kept things spicy. Some planned in advance. Some spur of the moment. Each memorable. The travel bug that hit in 2023 will continue in 2024. I’m feeling the need to explore on my horizon. New places. New experiences. Checking out the hidden gems along the way to each destination. Being present in my life journey while I’m able to enjoy it.

Fitness has been in the forefront in 2023 and will continue in 2024, adding a running goal for my special focus and long term goal. In 2023 I chipped away at 1 million meters by row, bike or ski erg and now I need a new focus. I was recently asked about the why of my long term goal. Since I have a short attention span it’s important for me to have a long term goal to chip away at. I might have to break it up into bite-sized pieces or add variety to get it done, but it helps me overall to have that focus in the background. Somehow I’m able to mirror my life and fitness balance in similar ways. Chipping away seems to work for me.

Friendship has been valued in 2023. Through the high and lows of life it’s good to have a solid group of trusted friends to help you sort through the chaos. Friends are by choice. Some stay awhile and others fade. I’ve seen friends fall ill, needing support while I remain healthy. I hope to continue to fuel myself so that I may continue to be a good friend to others in times of need. i don’t expect much in return but it’s nice to know I do have good friends in my corner. I plan to spend 2024 nurturing relationships that are meaningful.

Reflecting on the year was bitter sweet for me. I focused on thankfulness and let others know how valued they were. I wrote sweet notes. I gave away funny keepsakes. I made a point to impact others as the year closed out. It felt good all around. I even played Cupid in 2023 and the couple is still going strong. Such a fun and unexpected part of 2023.

Feeling free as I roll into 2024. Free of baggage weighing me down. Free to explore and enjoy life and its beauty. One day at a time. I guess I may choose to write a little along the way too. Just a glimpse of my reflection from me to you.  Wishing you all the best in 2024 and beyond. 

challenges

Burdensome

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What does it mean to be a burden to others?

For different people this answer can stretch for what seems like miles from one extreme to another. There is the obvious burden for our elderly. Unable to care for themselves 100% or dependent on others for shopping, driving, personal care, even tech support. Sometimes the need is even as simple as companionship or mental stimulation. All these things take time and effort. Once capable adults may find themselves in need of help on weekly or even daily basis. 

There can be other scenarios for adults that are harder to see. Emotional, intellectual or even medical challenges or disabilities. These often cause dependency issues relating to transportation, housing, finances amongst others. 

Tragedies or accidents or diseases with crippling effects. Confined to a wheelchair or hospital bed. Limited mobility during recovery. Medical care costs, time traveling to appointments, the red tape of insurance claims, referrals, the list goes on. Each scenario can make the individual feel like a burden to others. A dependency problem. One may perceive themselves to be a burden while others may be willing to offer support without thinking of their actions as burdensome. The mismatch can become a barrier between people. 

Hope. A simple four-letter word. We can all offer hope to others through our positive actions. Sending a note card, a text or making the phone call. Checking in to offer a helping hand. Some will accept while others will deny any help.  They may even hide the fact that they need assistance. Watch for other signs with those who deny any need for help. Depression. Isolation. Self-harm. Lack of interest in religion. Giving away prized possessions. These signs could lead to other issues.

Maybe it’s their stubbornness or I can do it mentality. Maybe they don’t want to waste others’ time. Let’s face it, we will all find our selves in this scenario at some point in time. How will you handle the burden dilemma? Will you accept help willingly? Will you ask for what you need? Will you want to be isolated and do it all on your own? Will you consider quitting the fight all together?

On the other end, if you offer support is it endless? Is it just a starting point? To force the one struggling to face their problems head on? Will you continue to offer support time and time again? What if somebody takes advantage of your kindness? How does one communicate to the person in need that it’s okay to have help? It’s okay to work as a team. It’s okay to not be okay all the time, but it’s never okay to take help for granted.

Sometimes the one who needs the help becomes a taker because the giver allows it. One must always set boundaries. You can offer help but expect change and effort (or at the very least gratitude) in return. And watch out for reverse abuse. Words can hurt. The one who feels they are a burden can lash out at the ones closest to them. Unless you have that hard conversation the hole will continue to build. Consistent and honest communication can go a long way toward sharing the burdens so no one gets overwhelmed. 

challenges

Make Today Count

2chicksandapen

Life is full of emotions.

One day you feel amazingly accomplished. The next day you can feel deflated as if your world just crumbles beneath you. It’s life they say. How do you deal with the ups and downs of life?

A week doesn’t go by without the craziness of friend or family member in turmoil. Emotionally distraught. At wit’s end because of x, y or z. It can be hard to be the person to shoulder all this weight from many different angles and or people. Exhausting at times.

Tomorrow is a new day. Never let today’s worries weigh down your tomorrow. You have to be able to reset or your burden will continually grow until the weight can’t be carried further. This is normally where emotions are high and people say things they regret. It’s inevitable.

Do yourself a favor. Worry less about changing others and change how you react to negativity. You can control your attitude. Your actions. Your emotions. You can’t control those things in others no matter how much you try. 

I feel good today.

I felt good yesterday.

I felt good the day before.

Why? Because I wasn’t carrying the burden of others. I may have shared in the burden by listening to their challenges, but I didn’t carry the weight. I offered support. I will continue to offer support as much as I need but I won’t do the heavy lifting.

I’ve written about givers and takers in life before. I see it often. A good example is the friend who needs your shoulder often. You give it often. However there is never a return gesture. They never ask how you are doing. They never ask if you need anything. They talk but don’t listen. They take but don’t give. Most often these are the folks that carry the hefty mental and emotion burdens. Guilt. Hatred. Fear. Judgement. All of it.

I choose to start fresh. Not a care in the world each day. It may be for 5 minutes or 5 hours, but I start fresh. I make today count. I may not always do the things on the to do list. I do however find a way to do something on the ta da list. Sometimes planned. Sometimes not.

Start fresh.

Start again.

Don’t live with regrets.

Make today count.

Make today count for you because you only control you.

adventure

Sand For Days

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As part of my coastal Oregon series, this particular writing is dedicated to the amazing experience I had on the Oregon Sand Dunes. So much fun that I had to write about it in just one post. All by itself.

I really didn’t know what to expect. I really didn’t visualize the beauty of the dunes or the depth of how far the dunes stretched. I did however catch a glimpse of the dunes roadside where there was an enormous hill of sand with a four wheeler going down it. I silently thought to myself no way. That is way too high for me.

We were lucky to get on the ATV tour as that was the best way to see the shore and the dunes in what I called the safest option for our trio to navigate the dunes as first timers. 30-40 mph on the climbs and the descents were so fast I didn’t even check the speedometer. 26 miles we rode round trip. Nobody flipped. Nobody got stuck. It was a success. This Bay Bridge photo is hard to capture in a photo meaning the in person view seems 1,000 times nicer. 

So much beauty. Such a thrill ride. One of travel buddies said this is definitely a top 10 experience. I would have to agree. I will definitely find my way back to this coast to tackle the dunes again. Not sure when but I will make time for sure.

We had a great guide and we even did some bowl rides at the end. It is hard to explain but you ride the dunes sideways up and down like you were in a bowl. You have to hit the right speed and maintain or your could roll! Just an exhilarating experience. This is also very different from the straight up climb to the straight down descent where you actually can’t see what is ahead of you when you then begin this descent.

This adventure covers the dunes and plenty of play time riding. From the natural bumps or jumps on the main road trail to the coolness of passers by. Everyone added flair to their personal rides with cool flags, political flags, neon lights, and so on.  Our adventure also covered the trip to the ocean to ride along the water. This was another breathtaking sight to see. The large ocean waves were just feet away pounding the shore while you zipped by. There was a fog in the air making the visibility low but the air was cool and crisp off the water. 

This adventure comes with a few $$$ on the review but if you take into account gas prices, the equipment used on the terrain and the guide it is well worth it. The family that owned our rental company was super focused on customer service which I also appreciated.

Can’t wait to come back to this coast and hit more spots along the way. Such a beautiful place to spend some time off the grid.

awareness, challenges

Divorce

2chicksandapen

The D word. The word many find impolite. The word many hide from talking about. I suppose that is why I decided to blog about the topic.

In life the word divorce comes up a lot. I think the latest stat shows 44% per google for 2022 referring to marriages that end in divorce. Keeping with this it’s healthy to talk about it. It might also take time for those getting divorced to process and work through the life changes.

In any situation many have to weigh pros and cons. Dividing wealth. Separating living spaces. Was infidelity involved? Are kids part of the equation? Was there a trigger that caused the road leading to divorce?

No matter where you start the process. No matter where you end up after the divorce. You will move on. You will prosper in time. You will find your way. You will be able to spread your wings again. I have hope for you. I have hope for your soon to be ex-partner.

Difficult roads are ahead but in time the path will clear for both of you. Strength, resilience, and positive attitudes will help ease the heartaches and headaches as you move through these uncharted grounds.

To all those out there starting this process, amidst the chaos of divorce, living the aftermath, or even co-parenting. I see you pushing forward. I see you making strides. Never give up. There is a place for you in this world even on your darkest day.

Should you know somebody struggling in this area be a good listener. Never cast judgment until you have officially walked a day in their shoes. Which of course is impossible. Be that person they remember that loved them when they didn’t love themselves the way they should.

Make the D word more about your growth than your past. Your past is something you learn from your destiny still lies ahead. The future for you is brighter than you know.