Tag: menopause

challenges

The Icky Stage

2chicksandapen

I’m at a stage in life that seems challenging at best. It’s almost hard to breakdown each component but I decided I’d write about some of it.

First challenge is movement. In the past six weeks I’ve gone from feeling amazing to battling injury after injury or aches. It’s not been fun. It’s been painful many days. It’s also been humbling to be sidelined a bit from what I enjoy most. I guess that makes me agitated in other areas of life. 

I’ve been to the doctor. I’ve been to the doctor again. What’s changed? Did you have an accident? What caused this? Why doesn’t the firm or doctor ask if I’m having menopausal symptoms? I mean I get asked if this is a worker’s compensation injury every time!

I want to say thank you to menopause for the instant list of ailments but I can’t really conclusively prove it. I will however say my long list of ailments go hand-in-hand with what many women note as issues, or at least google tells me that and so do the one million ads that pop up on my phone. I just didn’t expect it to hit me full force without notice. Am I paranoid? Some days I feel that way. Am I a chronic complainer? Some days I feel like it. Do I have pain? Most days. Is this all a change from a short time ago? 100%

In the midst of change is also worry. The routine breast exam. Then the mammogram. Then there is the breast exam recheck. The extra squishing of the boobs to see if you have cancer. That sounds awesome, right? I’d say no it’s not fun. I’d also say it’s not fun to have more than once. Then it’s the ultrasound. A deeper dive into your boobs. What’s next a biopsy? Joyfully, nope. A probe into your breast to place a marker and obtain a tissue sample. I will definitely reframe this but amidst all else it just creates a shit show theme. For some it’s good news. For others it’s not and that process requires so much more than I can explain in this post.

As we move on to just being busy. Events galore. Year end wrap up on steroids for school events. Graduation parties. Travel. Endless to do items. The joy and fun of everyday is mainly bundled with have to appearances and must do now items. Exhausting is the word that comes to mind. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. Add these items on to the icky menopausal stage of life and boom. One day you might cry. The next day you might scream. You might even enjoy your solitude. You might even forget stuff amidst a brain fog episode. Go figure.

Space. No personal space. With life being front and center, it’s full of people. Everywhere I turn. Work. Home. Gym. Store. Events. It’s peopley and when you are really overstimulated and over scheduled the last thing you want to deal with is people. Let’s face it people are messy and when you’re in my shoes people avoidance seems almost a necessity! Decompression time is a mental health checklist item these days. So is yoga and deep breathing exercises.

Today I’m celebrating a sleepless night.

Today I’m appreciative of having my body working at maybe 80%.

Today I’m avoiding people as in holiday gatherings because I can. 

Today I’m at peace.

Tomorrow I’m not looking forward to. It’s a work day. Less time to recover. More have tos.

As I close out this post I should note I started it a while ago. I revisited it and sometimes just stared at the content. Today I wrote a little more and decided to close it out. One of things I control in life is what I elect to write about and choose to publish. Some days I may think I over share. Some days I wish I shared more. The constant irony.

No matter the day, I’m always glad I have an outlet. An online journal that is open to others. I don’t care what the comments are. I just care that I was true to myself in the process.

Much love from the sleepless night crew. Much strength going to those working through menopausal symptoms. Much thanks to all those displaying patience and support to loved ones in the icky stage.

challenges, dare to be different

Life Over 50

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I never really thought much about life over 50. Well I did think it’s half way to 100 and I’m going to live well beyond 50. That is about the extent of my thoughts.

Now I am here and there are some great parts of life to celebrate and some parts that are down right shitty. I normally wouldn’t gravitate to the shitty side of life however I decided it’s worth writing about it. Mainly because others might benefit from this rant and I’ll have a placeholder to look back on.

Menopause. The word. Why does it even start with men! Why just why?

I’m 52 and change. I have my normal aches and pains. I also have my daily inconveniences. I need to use the bathroom more frequently. Sometimes even more urgently than others. Many times in the middle of the night. I know I’m not alone. This is probably high on the list of inconveniences since it impacts daily life.

The water cooler talks or should I say the womanly chats are not about what your favorite dinner spot is anymore! It’s more of what supplements are you taking? What are your symptoms? What’s working? What’s not working? Are your joints hurting? The list goes on and on. This stage of life I wasn’t ready for. I blinked and menopause was at my doorstep. Front and center.

Irregular cycles. The inconsistency can drive you crazy. Flat out crazy. Fatigue one day. Sleepless the next. As I write it’s 3am. I should be tired. I am tired. However I can’t sleep. I really can’t even get comfortable in bed. Nobody is awake to know I’m just sitting here idle. A new kind of alien time. How I used to sleep as in body positioning is now uncomfortable. My favorite pillow makes me hot now. My blankets are just right one minute. Then I’m hot, hot, hot. Zero consistency. Let me say that louder for those in the back. I have zero consistency in many areas of life in this phase.

Men. O. Pause. Men can pause. They can hit pause and run away. They can be supportive. They can think you are bat shit crazy. In the blink of an eye your normal is now a new normal and it’s hard enough to adjust to for you. What about others around you? Life is messy and I will say this is definitely a messy stage. Are you supported? Does your family think you have lost your grip on life?

The annual checkups get more complex. A mammogram. A colonoscopy. A full body skin check. A bone density scan. The list goes on and on. How does one even manage  without good insurance?

Somehow women push through the difficult stages of life. The teen years and all that goes along with it. Motherhood and the body changes, if that is your route. Raising kids and balancing life. Shifting to aging with grace. I’m in the aging with grace stage. The it’s time to have adult fun but balance with the blah of aging.

As I live through the muck of this stage of life I control what I can. My nutrition. My physical activity. My mental wellness. My circle of friends. My energy sucks. I choose wisely each day. It’s a requirement. If today I can sleep 9 hours, I choose sleep because another day this week I might not be so lucky. If I can get in an extra workout one day, I do it because the next two I might be sidelined. 

I’m adapting to change. I’m saying yes to the unknown. I’m saying a shift in my routine is okay. This is how I’m managing my chaos. Adaptability for me may be different than others. I’m 100% okay with that. If I don’t fit the box for someone around me, that’s okay too. I’m not a fit for everyone at every moment.

I have a plan for my day today to start at 7am. What happens at 10am, 2pm and 5pm may be different than I envisioned. Why? Well I may be tired from being up most of the night.  My body may say no thanks to what I originally planned. I may get moody and want to avoid people. This is a real fact of this stage and I am definitely a people person yet I like to avoid people sometimes. I’m adapting.

Adapting to change comes with other challenges. Impulsivity. The need to do something now. Immediately. My timeline not yours. Or maybe it’s stubbornness. No. No. No.  I’m not going x. I’m not doing what you want. It’s just a game of no, no, no. I could go on and on about this topic but I will hit pause.

I will pause here for women. I will say take a deep breath. Inhale that deep breath. Exhale that toxic air that seems to be hindering you today. It will probably come back again tomorrow and the next day. It’s life. It’s a phase. Just breathe through it. That’s what I’m doing. I’m taking the good with the bad. I’m breathing in the sunshine and exhaling the bullshit.

I’m celebrating me. Many may not understand this phase of life if they haven’t hit the wall. The men-o-pause wall. The wall men want you to pause at. Do you reflect and move on? Do you cower and seek refuge? As a strong and fiercely independent woman, I pause. I study. I reflect. I change. I pivot sometimes on what seems like just my big toe and I jump. I lunge forward to what’s next. What’s waiting for me, because that’s all I know.

I know to enjoy what life is left. Live life to the fullest. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed thus I will plunge forward. Look for my travel stories. Watch me adventure. My why will always be why not.  If you are reading this and feel stuck, get unstuck. Book a trip. Take a long walk. Find a new hobby. Find your joy. Do what makes you happy because you are living in this body of yours. Not the person next to you!

Stop comparing yourself to others. Don’t worry if you don’t fit the mold another wants. You focus on your survival of this stage in life. The people who stick around in this transitional phase are the true keepers in life. 

fitness and nutrition, health

Road to 5-0 and beyond

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The road to fifty isn’t always so nifty. When you approach the big 5-0, many shifts take place. Your body. Your mind. Sometimes your zip code. Maybe even your friend circle.

Maybe it’s mood swings that hit today. Maybe it’s body changes next week. Maybe it’s aches and pains ongoing. Maybe it’s stress in life. Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe it’s all of the above. Maybe it hits all at once.

Maybe you become forgetful. Maybe you just seem over emotional on days. Maybe you are bloated. Maybe you move slower. Just maybe you are getting old. Gender doesn’t matter when it comes to aging.

There really isn’t a guide book for a mid life crisis. There isn’t an age point either. There isn’t a how to manual for menopause or grumpy man syndrome. There isn’t a road map to feeling old. For me I just want to age gracefully and keep up with what I still want to do each day.

It seems many in their fifties are starting to see signs of aging. Maybe the fast food is catching up with one pal while melanoma is rearing its ugly head with another. This is the time to do the breast checks. The annual physicals. The colonoscopy. The dirty list nobody really wants to pay attention to.

The next ten years will be the shoulder surgeries. The knee replacements. The second laundry list nobody wants to contend with. Getting old. Make sure you are treating your body like the temple it is. You only have one. Pay attention to any warning signs that rear their ugly heads.

I take each day as it comes. I try to live life to the fullest. I try to seek out adventures. I like to stimulate my mind. I like to tire myself out with fitness at some point in the day so I can sleep well at night.

I try to tune out negative people in my life. I have no room to waste mental energy on negatives. It will never help me make it through my road to 50-60-70 and beyond. 

challenges

A New Wall

2chicksandapen

I hit a new wall today. A mentally exhausting wall. One I didn’t initially bounce off and spring ahead like normal.

This wall was different. It started out as me being tired. Then it shifted to me being irritable. Then technology flipped a few switches that set me off kilter.

Moving on to mid-day a teenager rattled my cage. Then the rain hit. All the while work was super busy. It’s the end of the month. The end of the fiscal year. Emergencies by phone and mail.

I wanted to dish out numbers like they do at the meat counter but that’s not reality. It all needs to get done. You need to be four places at one time. It doesn’t matter if it’s pouring rain let alone if you are tired. 

When you are in the hot seat. The driver’s seat. The most relied upon seat, nothing matters. You are just expected to balance it all. But what happens when you hit the wall and don’t bounce back?

For some it may take one into a dark place in mind and body. Luckily for me I have some friends who can crack me up during the day with a funny text to lighten the load. I have some go-to gals who can be a listening ear when I want to punch everyone.

And then I can always change my scenery. For me, today I took a car ride. Got a coffee. Drank it away from people. Talked to a friend by phone. Took some deep breaths. Ordered dinner to-go. Planned an early bedtime to mentally let my brain rest.

I took to writing. This blog of course. Writing is a therapeutic outlet for me for many reasons but sharing stories of walls is important for people to read. It’s life. It’s real. It’s not filtered. There are no amazing pictures.

My wall is the beginning of what may be a long road of walls. It’s midlife womanly adjustments. The yucky m word. The one you want to be over so your cycle is history but the one you dread because of its uncertainty.

Let me just type the damn word. Menopause. Menopausal. Resident psycho to some. Bitch to others. I’m sure I’m missing a few descriptions but owning the word and its side effects is step one. One of God only knows how many steps.

Pray for me. Think of me. Lift me up in spirits if you see me against the wall. Plastered to the wall. Mentioning the wall. Or anything resembled the wall symptoms. Baggy eyes. Disheveled look. Short fuse.

The worst thing you can do is ignore my hot mess as that will make me want to isolate you. As a giver and doer I help many. Unfortunately many won’t see that need for help. That struggle at that damn wall. 

Is there a magic tea for menopause? And why the hell is the word “men” embedded in the word itself. That is just crazy because they are clueless when it comes to dealing with a menopausal woman. Just sayin’.

mEn-oh-PAuse: your lady friend is about to go batshit crazy. Clear the fuck out now. Don’t pause. Run. Hide. It’s safer that way.
If the DICtionary doesn’t say that it really should. Fun fact!