Tag: goodbyes

challenges, perspective

Goodbye Vs.

2chicksandapen

Is there a difference between goodbye and see you later?

Yes!

Goodbye could mean you are heading off to work. Off to take a trip. You’re fired from a job. There are many uses for the phrase goodbye.

Similarly some may use the phrase see you later as you head off to work. Head off for that trip. After being fired from a job. I guess it depends on who is making the conversation that decides the definite nature of which term is more appropriate.

Will I see you later? 

Is later defined as same day?

Maybe later in the year?

Later in life?

Goodbye may be more long term in my mind. Parting ways not knowing when you will meet up again. Will you ever meet up again? Some refer to saying goodbyes at funeral for example.

Such an odd thing to write about yet it’s what’s on my mind. I recently parted ways with a person that I wasn’t sure what term to use.

See you soon?

Goodbye for now?

See you later?

Goodbye?

In the end I was thinking that goodbye may be too permanent of a choice in words. What if me saying goodbye meant good riddance in some way? What if goodbye was misinterpreted? I had many questions of myself on what to choose in the moment.

Sometimes we can’t see people we want to see up close and in person. I’m pretty sure we all learned that during Corona. FaceTime and other mediums definitely help with those traveling abroad, living abroad, those away at college or even distant family and friends. 

What gets tricky is when service isn’t available. No wifi access. Poor cell signal. A remote camp site. No access to technology which can be by design or not. Does that make the choice of words different when you have a gap in time that you will see or speak a person?

I think so. Bye for now. Offer hope for next connection whether in person or electronically. Maybe a special pact for how to insure the next connection point is solidified. How I must think about how to use the right words at the right time for the right situation.

This isn’t goodbye. It’s more like see you later. The date may be unimportant now but the hope of the day is ever present. Relationships can endure so much when communication is at the forefront of the relationship. Choosing words that are appropriate can be key in so many scenarios.

Finding common grounds for tomorrow even if tomorrow is days, months or weeks away. Hope. A simple four letter word that can carry forth one’s spirit to see the sunshine of tomorrow.

Dearest best friend in California who lives miles and miles away. For now I say goodbye to you. Not a forever goodbye but more of a see you later, although it may not be soon. It is my hopes to see you again when our vacation schedules sync up again. For now we can use whatever social mediums or web access we can find to keep our bond going. One day at a time. For we will know no matter the distance apart the strength of our connection can endure the the lapse in time.

I enjoyed thinking about how to reframe my goodbyes that I conduct in life. Goodbye to friends and family in the phone. Goodbyes to clients in person or by the phone. Am I a hug it out kind of person or a high five or maybe the awkward nothing.

Through this thought process/post I have decided I am very open to hugging it out in person. I am a what’s next for the business meeting closures. I am good with closures in emails. I am not good at goodbyes on the phone. When I’m done I’m done. But what if that was my last chance ever to say good bye?

Just a ponder post.

family

Missing You

2chicksandapen

The last few days I have been missing my dad or the spirit of my dad.

Grief is a funny thing. It creeps up on you at unexpected times. It can be just a flutter in your heart or a vivid memory jerking the tears.

For me I have a night time shirt. An XXXL-type shirt bearing his photo. Not one I would wear out but one that’s comforting for those sleepy days. Maybe the visual on the shirt sparks the memories. Maybe it was the card in the mail from hospice on grief. Maybe it’s just the dust settling. I’m really not sure the nature of its source but it can take your breath away.

No matter the source I miss my dad in all forms. His younger vibrant days as my dad when I was a kid. The middle of the road days where he helped me navigate adulthood. To the end days when he needed help eating his dessert. I just miss him. There is really no replacement.

As life lessons need to be passed to my kids I find myself thinking what would he do. For now I cherish the memories and honor his spirit as I push forward.

I may never say goodbye to grief but I can push through the sadness. He would expect me to. Writing is a great form of therapy for me. If you lost somebody close to you, journaling your thoughts is always a great opportunity to push through the sadness.

I also have a great bestie named Teddie to hang with me as I write and today it was a nice cold glass of almond milk to wash away the woes.

Until next time…

family

Loss

2chicksandapen

Today was a hard day. I had to bury my dad.

His passing during the pandemic did not make saying goodbye easy. In actuality it was far more complicated than I could have imagined.

The delays started with scheduling. Only one funeral a day impacted how many days after death the funeral would actually take place. This was the first oddity.

I am choosing to write about this only because many will never know or experience how the pandemic impacted saying good-bye for me and my mom. Life offers perspective from many viewpoints. For me I thought this was an interesting perspective to share.

There was no wake. No time for folks to come and pay final respects. There was only a small window of time the day of burial for a selected handful of people to pay respects. This alone makes mourning the loss hard. So many didn’t get to see him off as we might have envisioned.

Some couldn’t come because of fear of germs. Some chose not to attend because of riots. Some were not able to attend because of their sheer age and restrictions in the area. This made my mom very sad.

No hugs for loved ones. No special memories shared. And how could I forget those who could come had to wear masks and keep their distance when all everyone really wants to do is give a hug to show your love and support for the loss suffered.

One vivid memory I have of the day was when my cousin stood about 15 feet away, fully masked saying “I’m going stay over here just in case you have corona.” Who wants to feel like they have a disease when burying their spouse. So bizarre but this is how today is.

Despite all of the above, the send off was as beautiful as it could be with current environmental conditions. As we forge ahead in our grieving process we will hold on to the memories made over time. There were many. Choosing to focus on what we had vs. what we lost is how we choose to move ahead.

I will immerse myself in a project to honor my dad. I will find a way to carry his spirit in all I do. I will find a way to let my children know of the values he gave to me.

I hope this funeral perspective let’s you think of how others may have been impacted by loss during corona above and beyond the loss of privilege of toilet paper.