Category: awareness

awareness

Community

2chicksandapen

Every once in a while, a word starts to stick in my mind. I go from just hearing it in regular conversation to actually noticing it, thinking about it, and reconsidering it. Lately, that word has been community.

The first time I noticed noticing it was at a recent drum corps competition. I was a band geek in high school. Band is its own kind of thing. I haven’t been in band in decades, none of my own kids went that route, so just walking up to the parking lot where the competition was taking place was an immediate immersion in a long ago land of shlepping equipment, warm up scales, and oddball friendships. I saw the families wearing their corps fan gear like they were repping a major league baseball team. Probably 5% of the general population (at most) has a connection to this activity. But once you are in, you are really in. And it is a community.

I think about other communities I belong to. CrossFit. Street Parking. My school. And those I don’t…things like hunting. Swifties. RV travel / ownership. Most other sports. Online gaming communities. The list goes on.

What makes a community? Communities have their own rituals. For band, there is the preshow warm up, chants and cheers. Communities have ways to connect. For some it might be a facebook group, or extend to meetups, events like an RV or boat show, or coming to games / events and tailgating. Communities have a lingo….for band it might be drill, front / pit, drum major, section, and so on. They have official or unofficial uniforms. You have swag or hats or things to wear (real or virtual). Communities have boundaries. For band, that might start with auditions. If you’re in you’re in, but if you’re not you know that too. Communities have calendars, or, more specifically, seasons. In-season, off-season, certain challenges happening, etc. Communities have times of activity and times of rest. Times of preparation and times of activation / celebration.

In many, maybe even most, cases, community is a “feel good” word. We often feel positively about identifying with a community`. We choose to be a part of it and buy in to what a community is about. At times, a community can even go so far as to be part of our identity. I’m not a band geek actively anymore, but when I go back to those events, I look around and can feel the community vibe. It takes me back to a time when that was such a big part of who I was and how I acted in the world.

Why all this talk about community? Seeing the word pop up over and over again made me think about the communities I belong to, and which I don’t. Going on an RV trip with a friend caused me to consider how that activity is its own type of community with people who enjoy it all over the world. There are seasons, rituals, gear, lingo, and events. But perhaps the real impetus for this was when the word community was used as a bludgeon in a dispute.

For all of the virtues and benefits of community membership, there are those who will weaponize community in order to exclude, to diminish, to demonize. Community becomes a way to make people feel less than, left out, pariahs. The borders become more about “who isn’t” than “who is.” This reminds me of cults, when people blindly follow leaders of “communities.” The spokespeople who deliver messages from the community as a way of pressuring conformity. I’m always wary when someone speaks on behalf of a community. While communities share a lot, they are never homogenous. They are full of individuals who (hopefully) still think for themselves.

For every community we are willingly a part of, there are also those we avoid. We may even live inside the physical (or mental) boundaries of a community, but resist being a member of something with values, attitudes, and practices we reject. I was raised Catholic, but can’t support many of the exclusionary principles at its core.

What communities do you belong to? Which are by choice? Which are by happenstance? How do communities enrich your life? And which have you / should you resist?

adventure, anonymous letters, awareness

Good Medicine

2chicksandapen

Yes, I am a doctor.

As Chick 1 likes to remind me, I am not the kind of doctor that can write you a prescription for a drug. Maybe I’m not that useful.

But on a recent outing to a comedy show, a line stood out to me in the middle of a touching story. The comic was describing a group from a recent show….a grandmother and two teens. He said the grandmother stared at the teens and cried throughout the comedy routines, seemingly no concern for the actual comic….as you can imagine, this was unusual. When he asked the woman why she had been crying, she told the comic a story of how the family had experienced the tragedy of suicide. The comedy act had been the first time the grandmother had seen her grandchildren’s smiles and heard their laughs since the suicide occurred. The grandmother then told the comic to keep doing what he was doing, that the comedy was “good medicine.”

Laughter is the best medicine, they say. But all this made me wonder, what other kinds of non-drug medicine might make you feel a bit lighter?

Here are a few of my favorite prescriptions for happiness.

-Exercise

-Reading an uplifting book

-Time outside in nature

-Spending time with friends (including dogs) and loved ones

-Learning or experiencing something new

-Writing a thank you note

-Singing, dancing, and listening to music

-Lighting a good smelling candle – really, smell is big for me in general so it might be a hand lotion, diffused oil, etc.

-Going to bed early

-Visiting a farmer’s market or Trader Joe’s

-Riding my bike

-Being near water (oceans, lakes, streams, waterfalls)

-Creativity

-Giving gifts and treats to others

-Free time

Everyone’s medicines are different. I’m sure there are more that I can add. What would make your list, to lift your spirits? How often do you prescribe these for yourself? Do you know what’s on the list for people you love, so you can remind them of or give them their medicines in times of need?

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awareness, mental health

Pinch Me

2chicksandapen

This can’t be real.

Another tragedy less than a mile from home.

A friend. A coach. A dad. A family man. A volunteer. One of the good ones. Gone too soon. His life taken selfishly by an angry man. Senseless act of destruction that will wreak havoc near and far.

I don’t have the words to show how much I will miss this guy. His music play lists were always amazing. His love for his wife was always showing. His dedication to his kids was without question. He service to his community was ever so selfless. His smile could be seen all the time. Intelligent. Charismatic. Loyal. Taken away from all who valued his presence. In the blink of an eye.

Our community has been hit by loss. One on top of another. The same small circle of teens are impacted for a third time in less than a year. How much can they take? What kind of world are we living in when people find their solution to their problem is through violence. 

I am sad.

I am mad.

I am lost in the world of today.

Is goodbye in the morning the last time you will see your family? Who wants to think about that as reality? Strangely it’s the reality of today. My co-author wrote about the violent murder next door earlier this year. I thought that was crazy. Then the sheriff shot a man with a BB gun next door to my mom’s house a few months later. If either of those things were not just random and close enough to me, yet a another murder happened to a good pal who was a law abiding citizen working at his desk in his office.

This world we live in today is crazy to say the least. I don’t take any day for granted post-corona. No way. I travel. I live life to the fullest. I write the stories of life here and there to share. It is my hope that in your area of the world you are not seeing as much violence as me.

3 murders this year, wow. Just wow.

2 vehicular homicides this year, wow. Just wow.

I’m beginning to think there is a curse floating in the air I breathe to be so close to deaths over and over again. Violent and senseless deaths.

Saying a silent prayer for society today.

author moments, awareness, challenges

It’s Been A Week

2chicksandapen

This week is one for the record books. 

So much to do in my own day-to-day life. The normal tasks. The one-off tasks. The fitness regimen. The community service. The people time. Travel. Life a-z. Then a boom hits. A real shocker nobody could ever plan for. Indirect connection. Direct connection. Neither matters when the boom is so hard the shock wave spirals for miles and miles. That’s what happen when a child dies that is interwoven in communities near and far due to school, church and sports connections.

My community is mourning the loss of a young girl. The day-to-day life seems insignificant yet life continues for our family. A guilt one should not want to feel. As a coach of young girls, I check in on social media. I text. I watch. I have to keep an eye out. I see so much hurt. I check in with other parents to see how grief is setting in on their home front. I see sadness on faces that normally boast bright smiles. I see prayer groups running non stop. Everyone is trying to get by with a little help from……

God

The community

Family

Friends

Loved ones

Many are holding on to cherished memories. Many are wondering why they didn’t get to say goodbye. Others are thinking why did I not do this or maybe why did I say that. When loss hits without warning so many raw emotions are stirred up. Time has become a thief. Time is no longer an option with that person. The loss of not doing is what is so hard.

Healing has begun for this community in some ways. No one will really ever understand the why behind this incident. None of us will really be exactly the same. Some kids will learn lessons and some will sit in the darkness for many reasons. Life is full of experiences and unfortunately death is one of them. Living through loss is where growth can happen even if it’s extremely hard in the moment. I’m learning how to be a better parent for example. I’m learning how to talk more deeply with other parents on how they are handling this type of grief and/or teaching moments.

I am however not passing judgment on the young girl. I am not passing judgment on the others involved. It’s not my place. It’s also not for me to decide who was in the wrong. My job is to be patient. To learn. To love. To be present. That’s it. Just a support role. A support for whomever needs it. When they need it. Today. Tomorrow. A year from now.

I will think of the color blue a little differently now. The baby blue hue that is a memory of her bright light on the world. A soft color to represent an angel in the distance. May her new journey be one that allows her to soar among the powdery blue skies. 

As one is set to be layed to rest. I pause. I reflect on my choices. My guidance to my kids. This could be me. This could be you. This tragedy can happen in your community. Teens are not invincible despite their beliefs. It’s great to feel invincible but we all know as adults how dangerous feeling invincible can be. For now I’m one of the lucky ones. I get to hug my teen. I get to continue the process of looking at colleges. I get to support my teen during this grief.

My heart goes out to the parents who don’t have that ability any longer. My strength goes out to the families whose children’s lives were spared that night. For they feel a different kind of grief and relief and guilt. My resilience is going out to the family of the one who ultimately has to face the legal system for this unfortunate situation. Another angle of this dilemma many may forget about but one that is equally challenging. Families will hurt for years to come. 

As I close my eyes to drift into a peaceful state I say a quiet prayer for all. Everyone needs something. May peace be granted to all in the ways that each needs for healing. I am also praying for healing of all involved in the other teen incidents that just happened to occur close by in the past few weeks as well.

The teen shot leaving school.

The teen stabbed with a box cutter in the school bathroom.

The football player gunned down at the mall.

Signing off as a lucky mom today. Heartbroken for the kids and families impacted by these tragedies. May this be a reminder that we as parents are not invincible. We can all be faced with that uncertainty one day. Stay humble. Be kind. Do what you can to help others. You may need the support one day.

awareness

The Wait

2chicksandapen

Recently I was put in a situation where I had to wait patiently in a lobby. It was odd. Such idle time on my hands. Nobody talked because there was no congregating in the lobby. Ugly floors to stare at that seemed to be dated back to 1970 or before. Sticky mouse traps visible in most corners, under the water fountain, and in bathroom stalls. It was an odd an eerie place to spend my time.

The highlight of my gloomy experience was jamming to country music on my AirPods while others sat in silence. It was as if we were all sentenced to silent lunch. I took photos of my shoes. I wrote blog posts. I people watched. I twiddled my thumbs. The time seemed to barely move. Similar to the others that waited. Government offices are such a joy to visit. It’s as if they are designed to suck the life out of you as soon as you cross the threshold.face with hand over mouth

A walk to the bathroom seemed like an extravagant stroll in the park. Maybe the lights were slightly brighter. Maybe the sound of the water running was a soothing sound among the silence on the other side of the door. I might have even felt the urge to flush multiple times in case anyone was counting the flushes on the other side of the door.

My mind was exploring the lobby of nothingness. An hour seemed like eternity. I wondered about many things. Why would anyone want to work in this setting? Why would anyone feel the need to silence a hallway or waiting room? Is community such a bad thing? Forty ceiling tiles. Very dusty air vents. Uncomfortable wooden chairs. Chipped walls. The things that piqued my interest while I waited. 

As I wait my turn, I am ever so thankful this gloomy place is not on my regular list of places to frequent. If it was I’m sure I would age very quickly. As I close out this rant about the lonely lobby I hope you can giggle next time you are sitting in that government office thinking about this rant. I also hope you like my comfy and classy looking shoes.