Tag: family

challenges

Have To, Get To

2chicksandapen

Lately, life has seemed pretty annoying in quite a few regards. Boring and trivial tasks pile up. Things I don’t enjoy or find satisfying are playing a bigger role in my work life. People don’t come through on what they said they would do. Frustrations at every turn. This really impacts my mood and mental state.

When I can get myself to step back and be aware of it, I try to flip my mindset from “have to” to “get to.”

When clerical tasks get piled on a work, instead of thinking “I have to do all these hours of mindless work,” I tell myself that I get to support teachers and make their days better, which is a part of my job that I value.

When a friend doesn’t come through for me, instead of feeling angry that I have to go it alone, I remind myself that I get to find out how strong I am on my own.

When the administrative muck of life comes calling, and car repairs, insurance plans, routine health visits, and phone calls make up so much of my to do list, instead of thinking I have to handle all this boring, time-sucking mess, I convince myself that I get to take care of things like this because I have a full, robust life that shouldn’t be undermined by my laziness and resistance. Sometimes my little mental flip-flop works. But, sometimes it doesn’t.

A big part of our theme at work this year is doing more things that bring you joy. Unfortunately, there just really aren’t that many. Changing my mind to try to cope and make the annoying stuff meaningful or at least relevant is my coping strategy right now. Sometimes the main thing you can change is your mind. Most of the time, you can’t change things or people. You can change your reaction to it. Release situations and people from expectations. Change your “have tos” to “get tos” and see if your outlook improves.

challenges, perspective, Uncategorized

Growth

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I’ve been thinking a lot of growth lately. Not physically growing like increasing my waist size. I’m thinking more like overall development in multiple areas of life.

Trying new foods for example. Over the past few months I’ve been wanting to increase my daily protein intake. I’ve dialed into various resources to get some hints and best practices. A few takeaways to share:

Compounding protein. Find what you like and increase the dosage. 3 ounces of ham? Just double it. Yogurt, double it. Maybe find a sugar-free Greek version you like. Maybe even a yogurt drink. Mix it up if you can. For me this was a growth area, learning new ways to meet my protein objective for the day.

Aging. Not always a fun topic to discuss for folks my age as there are many trials and tribulations associated with those around the 50-year-old mark. However, I’ve been learning new things. I’ve learned to enjoy road tripping in a RV which is in itself a skill to master. Then I flip the switch to my youngest child who is turning 18. The growth going into adulthood is so much different yet full of learning opportunities for both the parent and the soon-to-be adult. New jobs. Legal responsibilities. Taxes. Higher education. Bills. The list goes on and on. 

New environments. This summer I opted to play a new sport: pickleball. Never played before. Never watched a match in person or on TV. I fell in love with the concept of learning. Meeting new people. Stepping into a new arena of sorts. Challenging myself to be better. To learn new methods. To learn the lingo. All in all it was a great experience socially, physically, and cognitively.

Attire: we all have our basic go-to items. The favorite jeans. The sweats. The leggings. The favorite shirt. In the past few months I opted for a short in a color I absolutely never wear. I chose a couple of button-up shirts that are really not my style but definitely fun to wear on occasion. I mixed up a stable go-to outfit with something new and some old to change up the look a little. These little modifications represented growth to me. Oddly different growth than many may celebrate but for me it was growth in my own way.

Patience: mastering and remastering my patience muscles. This is serious growth. Dealing with kids who keep coming back for x, y, and z requires patience and patience on steroids sometimes. Adjusting to work / life balances as you hit the empty nester milestone. The golden years. The muscles that need flexing dealing with changes in partners / spouses or other complicated family dynamics. As we age we must undergo a serious re-haul of our patience muscles, more than once.

As a reflection person, I like to celebrate moments like these. Small as they may be to some, they were valuable enough for me to share on here. With that being said I challenge you to self-reflect and think about your own growth.

Have you challenged yourself to climb a new mountain?

Have you decided to take a trip of a lifetime to a new destination?

Have you decided to take a leap of faith and try something new?

Have you been thinking about betting on yourself? Go for it! You will never grow if you stay stagnant. You will miss opportunity after opportunity. Don’t just put a toe in the sand. Run into the ocean and get wet. Get wet in life. That’s when you grow!

awareness

Death Again

2chicksandapen

Twice in a week.

Two dads in 7 months.

2 kids in 9 months.

One community.

So much death. Such a far reach for those impacted. Lives altered. In the blink of an eye.

Plan ahead is something I have always done to the best of my ability, but I want to share that message. Make sure your will is up to date. If you have a business make sure you have a succession plan. Get life insurance. Death isn’t cheap. Know what your loved ones want should they pass. It might be hard to start the conversation about death but it’s important to know one’s wishes.

Cremation vs burial?

How to wrap up affairs?

Loss.

Grief.

Loneliness.

It all looks different for everyone.

I’ve thought a lot about living lately. Living the best life each day. Not being burdened with issues that really don’t matter to me. Finding time to do things that are important to me. Less have to’s and more want to’s. Just being present. Avoiding the negativity others can cast upon you.

We can never predict when death will hit us. We won’t know if it will be slow and predictive or fast and without notice. For me I want to go quick. I would prefer not to suffer. I also don’t want to be a burden for others to care for. That’s just me.

I also want to be remembered. I want those I have known to come to my celebration of life: I want my memories to live on in my photos and stories. If I passed today, I think I would have accomplished these things. 

How would you be remembered if you passed today?

Would you have friends or colleagues attend your services?

Do you want to leave behind a legacy or just become a moment that passes?

As morbid as these lyrics sound, they are true. They come from a country music song I heard recently with my mom. When you lose somebody close. A spouse. A friend. A child. You will grieve. You will will have moments of sadness and loneliness. But once it’s chiseled in stone it’s permanent. Make the best of today before your name is chiseled in stone.

I hope that after this post I can go a period of time without experiencing death again. Although it is my wish it may not be my reality. Only time will tell. For now I cherish today.

awareness

Community

2chicksandapen

Every once in a while, a word starts to stick in my mind. I go from just hearing it in regular conversation to actually noticing it, thinking about it, and reconsidering it. Lately, that word has been community.

The first time I noticed noticing it was at a recent drum corps competition. I was a band geek in high school. Band is its own kind of thing. I haven’t been in band in decades, none of my own kids went that route, so just walking up to the parking lot where the competition was taking place was an immediate immersion in a long ago land of shlepping equipment, warm up scales, and oddball friendships. I saw the families wearing their corps fan gear like they were repping a major league baseball team. Probably 5% of the general population (at most) has a connection to this activity. But once you are in, you are really in. And it is a community.

I think about other communities I belong to. CrossFit. Street Parking. My school. And those I don’t…things like hunting. Swifties. RV travel / ownership. Most other sports. Online gaming communities. The list goes on.

What makes a community? Communities have their own rituals. For band, there is the preshow warm up, chants and cheers. Communities have ways to connect. For some it might be a facebook group, or extend to meetups, events like an RV or boat show, or coming to games / events and tailgating. Communities have a lingo….for band it might be drill, front / pit, drum major, section, and so on. They have official or unofficial uniforms. You have swag or hats or things to wear (real or virtual). Communities have boundaries. For band, that might start with auditions. If you’re in you’re in, but if you’re not you know that too. Communities have calendars, or, more specifically, seasons. In-season, off-season, certain challenges happening, etc. Communities have times of activity and times of rest. Times of preparation and times of activation / celebration.

In many, maybe even most, cases, community is a “feel good” word. We often feel positively about identifying with a community`. We choose to be a part of it and buy in to what a community is about. At times, a community can even go so far as to be part of our identity. I’m not a band geek actively anymore, but when I go back to those events, I look around and can feel the community vibe. It takes me back to a time when that was such a big part of who I was and how I acted in the world.

Why all this talk about community? Seeing the word pop up over and over again made me think about the communities I belong to, and which I don’t. Going on an RV trip with a friend caused me to consider how that activity is its own type of community with people who enjoy it all over the world. There are seasons, rituals, gear, lingo, and events. But perhaps the real impetus for this was when the word community was used as a bludgeon in a dispute.

For all of the virtues and benefits of community membership, there are those who will weaponize community in order to exclude, to diminish, to demonize. Community becomes a way to make people feel less than, left out, pariahs. The borders become more about “who isn’t” than “who is.” This reminds me of cults, when people blindly follow leaders of “communities.” The spokespeople who deliver messages from the community as a way of pressuring conformity. I’m always wary when someone speaks on behalf of a community. While communities share a lot, they are never homogenous. They are full of individuals who (hopefully) still think for themselves.

For every community we are willingly a part of, there are also those we avoid. We may even live inside the physical (or mental) boundaries of a community, but resist being a member of something with values, attitudes, and practices we reject. I was raised Catholic, but can’t support many of the exclusionary principles at its core.

What communities do you belong to? Which are by choice? Which are by happenstance? How do communities enrich your life? And which have you / should you resist?

challenges

Holding Out for a Hero

2chicksandapen

Zooming down the highway, on time for being early, lights still gleaming out of the downtown buildings.

“This is the best time of the day to drive to the airport,” I think to myself. No traffic stopping things up. Smooth sailing. I’m gliding from a middle lane to the left, getting ready to take one of the final exits to the airport, when THUCK. I hit something in the middle of the lane. I just hold my breath and pray it’s nothing. Then I hear the “tik-tik-tik-tik-tik-tik” and know it’s bad news. The instrument panel lights up like a Christmas display. Flat tire. Thankfully, I was able to get over to the right shoulder. Hazards on. Now what….

It’s 5:50 am. I’m an hour from home on the side of a busy interstate. Who is up? Who will help? Made a call to 511, our metro HERO unit line. Spoke to a really nice dispatcher. Quick, seamless, shared my location, someone will be there to help me in 10 minutes or so. You may be thinking I should change my own tire. Even though I said there was no traffic, it’s more accurate to say that traffic wasn’t stopped. No, this is a major artery through downtown Atlanta, just before the exit toward the busiest airport in the world. Dozens of cars raced past me at 60-70-80 miles per hour every minute. I had about 8-10 feet of space between me and those fast cars. Needless to say, I stayed in my seat.

20 minutes passed. The sound of fast whooshing wind as SUVs, 18 wheelers, boat trailers, and motorcycles flew by went from annoying to unnerving pretty quickly. I found myself just praying that people were paying attention to the road. That they were sober. At some point I realized I had taken off my seatbelt. I quickly put it back on in case of impact. I called the HERO dispatcher back. Yes, help was still on the way but they have to help any incident that stopped traffic first. I would just have to wait.

By now the whooshing came too fast and too furious to stay calm about it. But really, what are my choices? I’m on the side of a 6-lane highway, with a median separating it from another 3-lane exit. I literally have no choice but to wait. Being in a car at least gives me a little protection.

I flash back to another time this happened, years ago. In the middle of the night. With my daughters. Waiting in the dark for help in an area we didn’t want to be in. Every light that comes toward you is a threat. How fast are they going? Are they sleepy? Do they see me? The car wobbles ever so slightly with each vehicle that zooms by. It’s been years since that time, but my body remembers.

Back to the present…by this point I am looking at my grim flight options to try to distract from the terror of that unrelenting sound. Sold out – Sold out – Sold out – my only options are to pay either $400 or $1,200 dollars to fly out late tonight, which would put me at my destination after one of the main events I am going for. So, as I waited, I canceled. The hotel. The car. The flight. The first family reunion I have missed since 1991. A story for another day.

Finally, the flashing lights roll up behind me. A few minutes pass before a portly man gets out, helmet on and gear attached. He’s done this job for 9 years. I pass him my wheel lock and watch him work…it only takes a few minutes before my spare is on the car and I am on my way. Jason, the driver in his bright green truck, really was my HERO on this day.

On my way to the tire store, I focused on feelings of gratitude. I am safe. I am ok. Nothing is unfixable. It could have been much worse. Someone showed up to help me. Do I wish I was on a plane for a weekend of fun and beach pizza and crumb cake and cousins and memories? Sure. Maybe the universe was protecting me from something. I will never know. All I do know is life happens sometimes and the best you can do is just try to stay positive and keep moving as best you can. And be thankful for the heroes who show up for you.