Tag: stink

author moments

In the Dark

2chicksandapen

It was pitch black. Nothing to see around you. The darkness of the early morning hours was compliments of blackout curtains. The room was quiet. Not a creature was stirring.

Then out of nowhere.

It happened.

The significant sound erupted.

Ah-choo! For the sneaky sneeze that snuck up on her. The bark of a cough that almost spun off the sneeze in harmony and then the more foul sound of….

A cross between a loud fart and and a shriek of a sound created when she realized she did that in the quiet room where sounds seem to echo without hesitation.

Tears of laughter begin. Oh the humility. She was beside herself. The sneeze. The cough. The fart. All sounds together. At once. She had to face the others in the room. Tears of laughter. Tears of humility. They continue for some time. What may have been nothing became something. Because she couldn’t contain herself. 

How does one explain the bodily function of a cough plus a fart plus a sneeze? Snartough is the name I made up. She snarttoughed this morning causing havoc in the quiet room. Was this a first? Will it happen again? How would you handle a situation like this?

There were no lingering smells. There were no upset faces. It happened so fast. It was just a few crazy moments in time. Three bodily functions that may never raise an eyebrow in isolation but together they caused chaos and embarrassment.

Just a random post to capture a real life experience of recent days. 

challenges

Too Much Poop

2chicksandapen

One poop.

Two poops.

Three poops.

My puppy decided to sneak into my home office to poop. Not once. Not twice, but three times! The stinky poops in an average size home office space. Stink lingered but there is a back story.

Poop one was spotted upon entry to the office. Off I went to get Lysol, paper towels, swiffer and so on. Cleaned up only to see poop pile two lurking in the general vicinity. Seriously, I said to myself. Back for more paper towels to clean round two. I thought I was done. I put the cleaning supplies away. Washed my hands and burned a candle to offset the stink.

I settled back into my chair or cockpit. Answered some calls. Sent some emails. Wrote on my to do list. All the while it smelled like poop. I couldn’t figure out why the scent was lingering. I went to the restroom and realized the stink followed!

Poop was on my shoe. I had to clean my shoe, the trail to the bathroom and so on. Back to the chair I go thinking I’m done and ready to work. Nope! Not the case at all. The poop bandit left me a third gift of poop that I didn’t notice initially. Little booger did it under my chair. My rolling chair. The one with wheels with tiny little crevices where the wheel attaches to the base.

I wanted to take a deep breath. I wanted to scream. I maybe even wanted to cry. Why this on a Monday. Not a good way to start a day let alone a week. It was a shit fest. A nasty mess to clean.

Off I went again for supplies. Cleaned. Cleaned some more. Cleaned again to be sure. Today was the day to clean and disinfect. 

One poop.

Two poops.

Three poops.

No more poops.

I definitely had my share of poops.

This poop saga was too poopy not to share. I hope you enjoyed a little giggle at my expense. I think I would have liked to deal with three explosive baby diapers than three dog poops with my circumstances. pile of poo

challenges

It Was So Quiet

2chicksandapen

It was just so quiet one day at the house. You could hear the cars pass by on the road. You could hear the creaks in the floor. It was just quiet.

Then there was a fart. A long fluttering fart sound. Like a machine gun that was firing multiple rounds. It was loud. Like a series of firecrackers. It caused a big disturbance. The dog barks. The dog growls. The dog smells the air. The dog barked at the air. The dog sniffs the air again with discontented look.

I was in awe. The dog left the scene in pure disgust. Will the dog think about returning? I have no idea but this was so amazing to witness.

The sheer sound effects of the fart and its longevity in sound effects was probably one for a record book, but the reaction of the dog was absolutely memorable. 

The lingering hang time in air was flattering from an accomplishment perspective but the stench was just awful. I guess eating healthy has its benefits but sometimes can cause a gassy reaction.

But who actually farted? Why did I recount the story? How many will literally die laughing when they read it?

Well I read it back and laughed a good bit. I hope you enjoyed the fart encounter. It was a real life scenario. I experienced it first hand and I am happy to say I lived to tell the story.
Smell you stinkers later.

anonymous letters, Uncategorized

What’s That Stink?

2chicksandapen

Okay, a little dose of reality for you.

I’m sitting at a basketball game cheering on my kid. The game is being played at the local high school gymnasium. I sit in the bleachers with other parents and general spectators. It’s large, airy, open gym with high ceilings so you don’t have any lingering sweat or feet smells. It’s generally just fresh air circulating. Some attendees I know. Some I don’t.

Then all of a sudden it hits me out of nowhere. It’s a big stink. It lingers. It’s foul. Not like a dirty diaper but a stinky fart smell. I shrug and say to myself somebody is just nasty. A few minutes go by and boom it happens again.

It’s equally foul but may linger a bit longer. Hang time on point for that mystery farter! This time I look to my left and say is that you? The girl says no, is it you? Hell no, it’s not me! We conclude somebody is nasty around us and go back to watching the game.

And then it happens again. This time it’s the stench that makes your eyes water and we immediately and collectively put up our shirt to our mouth and nose to cover the nasty scent that is almost smoldering around us. We look around and mount suspicions.

To our right we notice another lady sitting close to a man covering her face. Was it her or was it the guy? We really don’t know but she leaves abruptly a few minutes later. Was it to check her drawers?

We also question if she ran off because she had to go shit herself in the proper place, the bathroom, or was she escaping from the guy that was sitting by her dropping silent but deadly farts?

We make eye contact with the guy. And he starts laughing. We start laughing and confirm you smell that over there too. Is it him and did he drive her off? It’s such a mystery. Who is the nasty one?

We will never know for sure but who in the heck goes to a kids basketball and repeatedly lets silent-but-ever-so-dangerous farts loose multiple times and stays to watch the game as if nothing is the matter?

In light of the crazy stink in my day, I giggled and reflected on my first book and one page in particular (the poop page) pictured above. Oh how this page makes me giggle about as much as poop, poop sounds in a public bathroom stall, poop stains in a commode and farts in general. Why?

Simply stated, girls don’t normally talk about it. You know poop. Shit. Caca. Dookie. The whole nine yards. It’s not politically correct and it also bothers my co-author. To the point we fought over inclusion of this page in our first book. The irony of which is, it’s one of the most liked pages! Check out The End for yourself and see what all the poop is about.

And while you at it, give this post a like if it made you giggle. I would like to see how
much my readers like a good laugh.

Now back to the story….How about some common decency for the others sharing the common air space in the gym? I obviously lived to tell about this story but I had to immediately change my clothes when I got home just in case the stink was lodged in my clothes. It was really so bad that spraying Lysol or perfume in the general vicinity would not have saved the day.

I will be sitting alone next week for sure. Until next time, smell ya later!

fitness and nutrition

Your Feet Stink

2chicksandapen

Stinky feet is no laughing matter when it comes to teens who play sports.

Let’s take my daughter. She plays lacrosse and on a tournament weekend she can play 3-5 games outside in the elements. Her shoes will be sweaty, wet and dirty at any given time or pretty much all the time. We change her socks multiple times. We rest her feet in Crocs between games to sit them out. We go to extremes in my mind to prevent the foot funk!

Add in the eeew factor of being a teen and the chronic stench of shoes with no socks or socks that haven’t been washed in what seems like months you get the most awful smell in the world. Limit the airflow (like in a car) and you are doomed.

Carpool with three teammates and that funky smell just multiplied to an epic level. Add in the gear bags and their bodies after a day at the ball field in extreme heat and let me just tell you it’s enough to burn your eyes, throat and turn your stomach upside down.

And that is just feet and perspiration. I didn’t even mention the car farts that come because they can’t use the darn porto-potty!!!

What got me to write about this was a recent car ride to the field with an SUV full of three girls. We were running late so they all went to put on their cleats in the car and boom! The driver and I almost passed out. I hung my head out the window, gasping for air. The girls said “you’re crazy, it doesn’t smell,” and proceeded to pass a shoe to the front of the vehicle.

That was it. The window was down so the shoe is immediately held out the window. We approach a red light and the car next to us is laughing uncontrollably. I make eye contact. They say “please roll up your window, the stink is reaching our vehicle now.” My jaw dropped.

I was horrified. The smell was validated. The kids were in shock as well but found it funny. If only I had a picture of my face in that moment.

The light turned green. The guy in the neighboring car says, “good luck today. We have the same smell over here in our carload. That’s why we laughed when we saw your arm and head out the window!”

So why do feet stink so bad? Those shoe balls don’t work. Neither do the oils you spray in the shoes. And washing is no help either. Does anyone have any suggestions to cure stinky feet syndrome?

I am pretty sure the nail salon hates me when I bring this child in for a pedicure because they have to work so close to and actually touch those nasty things she calls feet.

I really don’t remember my feet stinking like that as a kid.

I hope my stinky feet blog made you giggle not hurl.