I’m really here. The caboose is off to college. Out the door she goes. A little empty feeling floats through the air at home as I wonder how her first sleep will be in a new place with new people. Her new family. Oh how I know the sun is shining on her new horizon which makes me happy and at peace.
Our journey to this point has been long as an athlete. A different decision making process for college in itself. Physical preparations amidst your regular college prep to do list. Maybe even a longer wait for the big day since you commit to your school almost a year or more before traditional students. Lots of shopping for that first apartment. The colors. The materials. The personality of the room. The common space decisions. What budget? She needs it all! I soaked in the whole experience from start to finish.the basic space below must be transformed.
Then the day arrives. A few nerves the night before. A little sweat to move in. Maybe a little stress making the first dorm room a home. Gelling with new housemates. Settling into a routine. A new life. A big future. From the plain dorm shell to a vibrant room ready to make memories in. One semester at a time.
Off she goes.
Off I go.
Two new chapters being written.
Life is beautiful at each stage. Living the moments with others is cool. Sharing my experience virtually with my mom was a blessing. Having her see her granddaughter launch into a new chapter. So very different than my mom’s chapter back in the 1950’s. Such a great reflection for all.
Smiling big as I close out this post thinking about how my role shifts to cheerleader from a far. A mom and her girl. Grown and flown.
Recently I heard a comment about growth. I wasn’t thinking the growth was really my growth, rather the growth of another. Boy was I wrong.
I had to take some time to think about the growth opportunity. We were at a crossroads of sorts. Her learning to fly. Me letting her fly solo throwing caution to the wind. Whether near or far as a mom you always have a eerie sense of worry for your kid. It never really goes away. My mom is in her eighties and she still feels the worry of her kids.
Nonetheless, adjusting my comfort zone to let another sink or swim on their own was as much about my growth as hers. As you have a child become an adult, you can only hope they remember every life lesson you gave them. Direct or indirect lessons of all kinds. The life experiences along the way. The life lessons that should influence solid decision making. That is just so easy to say. The reality is always much different.
Despite what you teach along the way, it is ultimately on them to find their moral compass. To make good choices. To surround themselves with a tribe that is good company. Sometimes this doesn’t happen on day one. Sometimes there are mistakes or bumps along the way as they spread their wings.
All you can do is guide, cheer and support from a distance. The passenger seat. You don’t get to choose their spouse. You don’t get to choose if they have kids. You don’t get to choose where they live. Your life and role in their life shifts. This is as much about your growth as theirs.
Girls may grow through this phase of life at different speeds than boys. No two kids are the same despite the same upbringing. I should know this myself just by looking at myself and my siblings as adults. So many differences yet same household growing up. Each of us took different paths. Each totally different lifestyles. None of which are wrong. Just different.
I’ve been at peace for a while on what I can control. What I can teach in the final days. What could be on the horizon. Once that peace is engrained in my mind, I am able to focus on what’s next for me.
This is my growth opportunity. New hobbies. Time to travel. Goals to achieve. Time to prep for my next adventure stage of life. Things will be different. There will quieter times. There may even be gaps in excitement. This is where I again need to refocus on what’s important for me now. How do I grow?
Cleansing my mind.
Letting go.
Closing my eyes to see what I desire.
The day dreaming.
The growth.
The opportunities.
My time has arrived.
Her time of need is in the shadows.
Off to college she goes. Off to master life as an empty nester for me. Each flying solo in their way. Why did it take me to today to realize this?
She is generally reserved with her feelings, but on this day, she called filled with frustration. Her new schedule brought unexpected challenges. Things that were once easy were impossibly hard. Huge classes, hard to get around. Too much to take care of, not enough time and energy. All this after the patience and persistence and hard work finally got her to the place she had wanted to be for so long. It had been different at her previous school the year before. She hadn’t expected to be happy there. But now, finally settling in at the school of her dreams, instead of happily ever after, she was met with one annoying plot twist after another.
What’s a mom to do? When you can’t be there? When you can’t just make her dinner or sit with her on the couch? Mostly, I just listened. I let her share how hard things were right now. With classes, with meeting people, with time management. With little things like eating well and parking and taking care of her dog. I gave any advice I could. Mainly, just keep going. Get up and try your best every day. It will get better.
She was calmer when we hung up. But I was shaken. I was sad. I couldn’t sleep well as I was thinking about her.
When I stopped pretending to sleep in the morning, after my workout and getting to work early, I sat outside and wrote her a letter. Page after page poured out. More mom advice and reminding her who she is. That girl I wrote about at the top of this piece. And how she is never alone.
Think of your future self, I told her. What will make your future self proud? In 5 years, will you be happy you kept going and gave it your best or that you gave up when it was hard?
I think about my future self all the time. When I don’t feel like meal prepping for the week, I know my future self will appreciate healthy food so I push through my laziness. Same with setting out my clothes for the next day, going to the gym, and a million other little decisions I make. I do it to make my future self happy, proud, or even just to make her life a little easier. A little planning, a little forethought, and life just goes better.
In a couple of days, things seemed to be a little better. We all have those rough patches. Maybe it’s a day, a week, or even longer. Pick up the phone and share it. Let people listen and help give you a little perspective and wisdom. The people who love you don’t want you to suffer, and definitely not suffer alone. Finally, things have a way of getting better with time. Believe it.
I’ve been thinking a lot of growth lately. Not physically growing like increasing my waist size. I’m thinking more like overall development in multiple areas of life.
Trying new foods for example. Over the past few months I’ve been wanting to increase my daily protein intake. I’ve dialed into various resources to get some hints and best practices. A few takeaways to share:
Compounding protein. Find what you like and increase the dosage. 3 ounces of ham? Just double it. Yogurt, double it. Maybe find a sugar-free Greek version you like. Maybe even a yogurt drink. Mix it up if you can. For me this was a growth area, learning new ways to meet my protein objective for the day.
Aging. Not always a fun topic to discuss for folks my age as there are many trials and tribulations associated with those around the 50-year-old mark. However, I’ve been learning new things. I’ve learned to enjoy road tripping in a RV which is in itself a skill to master. Then I flip the switch to my youngest child who is turning 18. The growth going into adulthood is so much different yet full of learning opportunities for both the parent and the soon-to-be adult. New jobs. Legal responsibilities. Taxes. Higher education. Bills. The list goes on and on.
New environments. This summer I opted to play a new sport: pickleball. Never played before. Never watched a match in person or on TV. I fell in love with the concept of learning. Meeting new people. Stepping into a new arena of sorts. Challenging myself to be better. To learn new methods. To learn the lingo. All in all it was a great experience socially, physically, and cognitively.
Attire: we all have our basic go-to items. The favorite jeans. The sweats. The leggings. The favorite shirt. In the past few months I opted for a short in a color I absolutely never wear. I chose a couple of button-up shirts that are really not my style but definitely fun to wear on occasion. I mixed up a stable go-to outfit with something new and some old to change up the look a little. These little modifications represented growth to me. Oddly different growth than many may celebrate but for me it was growth in my own way.
Patience: mastering and remastering my patience muscles. This is serious growth. Dealing with kids who keep coming back for x, y, and z requires patience and patience on steroids sometimes. Adjusting to work / life balances as you hit the empty nester milestone. The golden years. The muscles that need flexing dealing with changes in partners / spouses or other complicated family dynamics. As we age we must undergo a serious re-haul of our patience muscles, more than once.
As a reflection person, I like to celebrate moments like these. Small as they may be to some, they were valuable enough for me to share on here. With that being said I challenge you to self-reflect and think about your own growth.
Have you challenged yourself to climb a new mountain?
Have you decided to take a trip of a lifetime to a new destination?
Have you decided to take a leap of faith and try something new?
Have you been thinking about betting on yourself? Go for it! You will never grow if you stay stagnant. You will miss opportunity after opportunity. Don’t just put a toe in the sand. Run into the ocean and get wet. Get wet in life. That’s when you grow!
I’m in the last first or first last of many things with my youngest child. The caboose of the family. The last first hurdle to adulthood. The last year of high school. Life with a senior. The to-do list is so very long yet I feel like I will blink and the time will be gone. Memories will remain but the chaos I once enjoyed will now be all hers. Soaring solo or just without mom and dad. Why does it seem harder with a girl? With an athlete?
Last first trip of summer.
Last first flight for the season.
Last first summer tournament.
Last first parking lot adventure.
First last event.
First last adventure.
First summer job to juggle in the mix.
First of many solo flights to new places.
Last first trip to Baltimore, Maryland. I certainly won’t miss the rental car hub in this town. The long bus ride. The long lines. Just won’t mind missing this destination each summer. I’ll gladly trade this spot for a tropical paradise. That means as she finishes her last firsts, I begin to see how my new firsts will come to light without the have to’s of summers on the go with kids.
First of many goodbyes to players and families we have spent years traveling with. Those we even see at the events from other states. Some girls have trips that conflict with the hectic summer schedule. Some have changed their priorities from sports to other interests. Some have jobs that won’t give time off for travel. Most of the girls will go different ways their last year of high school and then to different colleges. Some may never really be social again. While others may be new besties. So many emotions. So many changes on the horizon. So interesting to observe.
Wrapping up one journey. Starting many new firsts as you end many last firsts. I knew these days were coming yet I had no idea what each would feel like. This last first was a little gut punch. Each meal seemed different. Each car ride the chats seemed more forward-focused. I had no idea how the experiences would be different. A coach summed it up today with: Take the picture. Smile for the picture. Celebrate. Have fun. Both kids and parents should savor this time before it’s history. These moments won’t be here again. Enjoy this time.
The girls look older this summer. More womanly. Experienced in ways I can’t explain but it carries to their gait. To their spoken words. To their plans ahead. The conversations have changed from what college to who their perfect roommate will be. What the dorm room decor will be. Where they must travel to for spring break. What they need to do solo on their final summer. I can’t lie. It’s fun to watch. It’s an experience I will cherish.
What powerful words to think about. 18 years of building. 18 years of momentum. Then what? A shift. A realignment of sorts. I have one foot on gas and one foot on the brake. I want to freeze time yet I want to speed up time to see what’s next. It’s not my life but I’m still going to be cheering. I’ll also still be there ready to wash the stinky socks. Pack food for the dorm room. And just whatever is asked of me. Because I still want to be a part of the chaos.
To explain life in this moment is hard. However as part of being honest in posting for our readers it’s a part of life worth sharing. A raw part but one experience I share that may be helpful to another approaching this stage of life. My mini me is almost grown up. She has definitely glowed up. Now just needs to get some independent experiences under her belt to be ready to conquer adulthood.
That first job.
That first paycheck.
That first time spending her money. It hits a little differently. That item might really not be worth it for their money now. I am sure she doesn’t see the view I see and that’s okay. One day she will be in my shoes. For now I’m looking forward to exploring my wide open spaces while I see her enjoy her new spaces and places.
Stay tuned as my months ahead turn into days left before she is off. I’m leaving the journal pages blank for now. Waiting to see what fits in and makes the story book.
2 Chicks and a blog 