Tag: family

challenges

Time

2chicksandapen

I try to be generous with what I have. I love to buy people gifts when I see something that reminds me of them. I give to causes that mean something to me. I am lucky that I can even afford to lend you 50 bucks if you need it once in a while.

But there is one thing I am kind of stingy about.

My time.

There’s a saying…invest in land, because land is the one thing they can’t make any more of. I’d argue that time is also in that category. The thing with time is that we also don’t know how much we have of it, which makes it even more precious. Before we know it, it may run out.

I am guarded with my time. I never have enough. Lots of responsibilities and things to look after…my family, my job, my property. I invest a lot of time in my health. Time driving, time cooking, doing chores and errands…seems like there is very little left once everything is more or less taken care of.

Sometimes this means I look wishy washy when people make plans. Sometimes I just wait until the last minute. I preserve my time for me, just in case.

If I give you a bit of the time I have left, that really means something. I value you enough to give that precious resource that I try to guard very carefully.

So here’s the rant-ish point of this post:

Don’t waste my time.

I was recently in a situation where someone asked me to spend a morning on something for them. I reluctantly agreed, since it really wasn’t an activity I cared to do. But I kind of let myself be bullied into it, and was crabby about it all the days leading up to it. I wasted a bunch of energy being mad about it. And then, with very little fanfare or announcement, the event that I had been grouchy about got canceled at the very last minute. Like, very last minute. Meaning I had already showed up to attend and participate. So there was no chance to regroup, reschedule, refocus. Tasks that could have been taken care of on that rare quiet weekend day were put off.

Maybe other people have more flexibility with how they spend their time. Maybe I’m just a grump. But I was so damn angry after that I could have just screamed. I think I did scream, actually. I shook my head and grumbled for many days, I know.

My lesson for me: just like money, don’t give my time away if I care if it gets wasted. If I’d be angry if they don’t come through, just say no. Also, be brave enough to draw those boundaries even when I feel bullied by people who are supposed to be family or friends. No one cares about my time as much as I do. Nor can I expect them to.

What’s funny is most of the people who I would willingly give the time to are the very ones who wouldn’t dare to waste it. Maybe that’s part of what creates trust, understanding, and friendship.

mental health, perspective

Just 11 Days

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It was the wee hours of the morning. 4:00 am to be exact. The loneliness set in. My partner in crime was whisked away yet again for 11 days. These days seem manageable in isolation yet in combination lies the challenge. 

The void that lingers. 11 days. 22 days. 33 days. When a year passes and you miss far more days than you have the sadness sets in. How much was missed? How much made the cut? Was it enough? Some weeks it’s a Monday that you feel the toll in life hit. Other weeks the sleepless worry hits on Tuesday. Sometimes it hits more than one day. It’s a vicious cycle.

Sometimes life puts obstacles or signals in your path to test your strength: to test your resilience. Sometimes these barriers seem impossible yet we find a way to push onward. I’m in the midst of reading the latest royal book, Spare. It’s odd to think about the word spare in the context of the book. A spare child. A spare heir. A spare to discard. No matter how many pages deep I am in the book, I will be forever held up by the word spare.

My life doesn’t have spares. I don’t have spare kids. I don’t have spare friends. I don’t have spare time with either. I don’t spare any part of my life. That means the time I miss can’t be spared at all. Oh the quandary of that latter statement.

How do you count time when you can’t spare time? You don’t. You wander through empty space as if time wasn’t associated. A wading of sorts. You are there but not really there. The shell of you is present but the mind space has drifted somewhat to a space in time that is all-inclusive of your special people. Drifting or wading through memories of past and memories to come in the future.

The book speaks to losing a mum. I have a mum. A mummy. A mommy. I certainly don’t have a spare mommy and I am certainly not a spare to my kids. Rather I’m present just like my mom. No matter the challenge I’m there. No matter the challenge she is there. But one day will Mommy always be there? The sad reality is no. For now I won’t spare my time as mummy or with mummy for it is valued. For those of you who don’t have that opportunity with your mum, my heart hurts for you.

With grief many occupy head space with memories of those lost but not forgotten. Sometimes that includes a mom. I reflect on this as a mom I know lost her battle with cancer this week. Her time wasn’t spared. 

Many include the missing in future plans honoring their memories. Holding on to the happy times together. I do this often. My nephew. My dad. My good friends. Those gone too soon due to death, but there are others who leave for other reasons. Maybe a big move to a new city. Maybe an experience of a lifetime overseas. Maybe even a work obligation causing one to live elsewhere temporarily. Time away. A void that may never be replaced.

I may lose 11 days today. 22 days the next cycle or 33 the next round. What makes this particular trek difficult is the unknown. How long does time sit in this stage. Does it continue for infinity as it does with one who dies? Does it keep looping in terms of days or weeks as it does now? I can’t stay lost in the empty space of consciousness. I must shift.

As 2023 rounded the corner I shifted from the dullness of being lonely to a new mindset of lonely. One that isn’t perfectly designed as I’m in it. I’m just more aware. I’m conscious within the subconscious. I’m trucking through new obstacles in a different way. I’m not sparing time as time can’t be spared. People can’t be spared. Those important will never be spare at all. I’m valuing the front and center and focusing less on the loss(es). 

None of us can reverse time. None of us can spare or bank time. Every week I will be present in my own little ways. Avoiding spare time. Spare people. Forging ahead on borrowed time. If there is such a thing.

adventure

Top 10

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I decided to write with more pictures and less words to showcase my top ten pictures from traveling to snowy Park City, Utah. Hoping you will enjoy the refreshing photos of the outdoors and their quick captions.  These photos are in no particular order.

This is a view I enjoyed from the eyes of one of my snowboarders. I didn’t take the lift to the top of the mountain thus I enjoyed this simple yet beautiful view. I smiled big knowing my people were enjoying their time on the mountain living the snowboarder life.

The best decorated and tasty sugar cookie with fabulous hot cocoa from the chocolate shop in town. A quaint little stop to snack, get warm and socialize after a day outside. This captures the sweetness of my trip.

The path through the trees when I was snow shoeing or snow walking as one of my teen travelers called it. These trees were amazing and the picture doesn’t even capture their beauty. The Aspens are the state tree and a fun fact is they have a dusty coating on them that is like a powder which can be used as a natural sunscreen. Just a fun fact I learned.

The path to nowhere as it looks. The simplicity of this photo is what I like about it. The grey skies before a snow fall.

The sunrise over the white barn. A barn we passed each day where you can see cross country skiers in the pasture at all hours during the day. A fun spot to remember.

A night picture from my balcony on a snowy weekday. The ice dagger hanging from above. The light shining on pathway illuminating the fresh powdered covered walkway. I hear the wind howling through the photo like it was today. A snowy memory.

Haynes Ranch. Founded in 1932. Pure bliss via a snowmobile. This photo shows the blue skies and the gateway to 40,000 acres of land and wildlife. Yes we saw moose.

This view was so amazing in person. A view from the ranch we snowmobiled. The blue skies were so welcoming after days of grey skies. 

Fresh powder. Bright sun. Beautiful trees. That is all. Simply amazing and breathtaking.

The snow tracks. The blue skies. The sun shine. It was only 1 degree in this photo. Frigid cold yet I was still enjoying the outdoors.

It’s hard to pic just 10 photos but it’s great to have a picture post to look back on.

adventure

First Timer

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I’m a first timer. A virgin of sorts. New skill. New form of fitness. New level of cold. New land to explore. New. New. New.

I guess I should let you in on the secret. I’m wearing an apparatus that I thought was going to resemble a tennis racquet on my feet as I trek through snow. To my surprise I had something more modern and practical. They call this snowshoeing and I’m paying for this form of torture just to say I did it! I must be a little nuts but I love completing unique excursions whenever possible.

I obviously love to share my stories in case one may want to try said activities. I also like to catalog my crazy adventures for the years ahead when I am not physically or mentally able to complete such crazy things. So here goes. Snow is on the forecast for today 1-3 inches. Cold temps and strong winds. That is just the start.

I’m layered up and ready to tackle the unknown. The initial climb is a few switch backs that get the heart rate going while you get used to your new footwear. I loved the bottom of mine. The claw-like bottom gives you so much traction in the snow. It was definitely an experience.

Hiking through the trees was my favorite part. Every corner was a little different. We traveled around a mine site and learned a little about the area history. We hiked near cliff hanger house that was being built with million dollar views. We got pretty close to an avalanche area and saw how the path changed.

I didn’t use poles for my hike but my pal did. I’m sure I could have benefited from them but I felt the traction from my snow shoes gave me the stability I wanted. I guess I opted for less baggage on my trek. A little more vigorous than hiking is what I would explain. If I lived somewhere cold I think I would definitely have a pair of these to kick around town in.

This view was amazing although the picture doesn’t do it justice. The skies were grey today due to the stormy weather but the climb yielded some amazing views of the city and the ski trails. If you are ever in this area, you should give snow shoes a try. Just because.

adventure

Main Street

2chicksandapen

A day of leisure.

A day to explore.

Main Street called my name.

I walked the streets and enjoyed the mountain air while stopping in all the shops on Main Street. My first pit stop was for rocket fuel, also known as coffee. One in my party opted for two shots of espresso, another tried the red velvet hot cocoa with whipped cream and I tried a brown sugar cinnamon latte. All kept us warm as we strolled and sipped on this cold morning.

Many cute shops to visit. From T-shirts to ski shops to fancy art displays. There was something for everyone. I enjoyed looking at all the stickers and magnets unique to the area. It was also a treat to see the snow globes decorated for the holiday and set to music and you cruised Main Street. Just another specialty for this holiday season in Park City. I didn’t really have a favorite snow globe but I did enjoy checking them all out. 

Another fun feature was heated benches or heated stones. A great place to take a break while enjoying a toasty seat warmer. Something I didn’t expect but very much enjoyed. There were also historical facts posted around the buildings as well. A little history lesson was available to those who had an interest. I found some alleys decorated in scenic art along with some neat doors to-capture the ski town vibe. All in all Main Street was a fun place to stroll and browse.

I will probably visit Main Street again to try out a restaurant or visit the shops again. I may need to buy another snow globe since I broke the one I bought on my first trip down Main Street.

After an adventure on Main Street we opted to explore the Olympic Training Center. Pretty cool to see the facilities, snap a few photos and just experience the few offerings that were available. I did enjoy the virtual ski jump simulator. I wasn’t very good at it and probably why I’m not an Olympian, but nonetheless I enjoyed the opportunity. I also enjoyed bobsled and parachute skiing simulations. Very different experiences but since I probably will Never do any of these activities in real life, the simulation experience was perfect for me.

Another great day of amazing views and new experiences. I’m sure you will read more about my travels in upcoming posts.