Author: 2chicksandapen

awareness

Action Words

2chicksandapen

Pooped
Tired
Exhausted 
Fatigued

The action words above describe me after today. After the crazy week. After all the emotional highs and lows I experienced. Too many highs and lows to note. More importantly, my week resembled a roller coaster of life. A real shit show.

Refreshed
Recharged
Rejuvenated 
Rested

The above action words describe me now after some time alone. After some time to gather my thoughts. After an unplanned trip to the coffee shop for a sweet treat. After a day outside In the fresh air. After a trip to chase the mountain air.

I had plenty of things on my to do list. I had a few events I could have gone to. I had some folks I could have visited with. There were many things I could have done but instead I chose me. Just me. Just time away from the noise. The chaos. The crazy. The stupid. All of it.

A plane ride to an island might have been a nice oasis but with the pandemic still lurking my options were a little closer to my normal than a vacation destination. The destination didn’t so much matter as much as the journey. The break in the cycle of chaos.

Many times I talk about a reset button. We all have them. We all need to use them at times. If you don’t reset the crack will deepen. The crack will then turn in sink holes that you can’t find your way out of. A trap of sorts.

Many may never see you need a reset but I’m sure you know. The question is can you just drop the to do it list and fix you? I do. I do it sometimes more than I want to or more than I want to admit. The point is I’m not afraid to say I need a mental health day. A day off the grid. A day doing the unexpected or unplanned. There is only one of me and in order to fire on all cylinders when it’s needed others around me need to know not to let the crack deepen. They need to see a stress fracture and say I can cover for you. Take a break.

How many just want somebody to notice they need a break? Many. Some people don’t ask if you are okay because they are scared of what you will say. Some won’t ask a hard question because of fear. I take the fear away from others. I say what I feel and do what I need to because nobody can fix me but me. 

This rant was about mental health A-Z. I may use myself as an example above but it’s relatable to many. Our teachers need a break from the chaos they see daily. The students need a break from what’s all been thrown their way, too. Let’s not forget about the parents that are juggling work, carpool changes due to Covid changes last minute, who has shots and who doesn’t, mask or no mask….they need a break. A break without punishment. A day off.

How many actually take a day off. How many people say no you can’t have that day off. Plenty! Plenty is one too many. My mom always said never judge a person until you walk a day in their shoes. Many have shoes I wouldn’t want to fill in this day and age and heck many wouldn’t want to be in my shoes most days. For whatever reason we need to have the ability to recharge. Reset. And just play hooky.

10 years ago I’d never tell my kid they could take a day off just because. However today I leave the possibility open. PTO of sorts. Physical time off. Time away. Taking care of self before others. Getting into nature. Moving the body. Stimulating what you want vs. what you have to. That homework can wait. In today’s world it’s okay.

When I revisit this post in a few years I may have a different mindset but today this is my journal post of sorts.

I will leave this post with words of discomfort. Words that require action in one way or another. What’s relevant today but most likely to be avoided.

Covid

Pandemic

Mask required

Vaccinated

Quarantine

Symptoms 

Restrictions 

Zoom

Digital day

Hoping 2022 has something spectacular lurking. 2021 is just as much of blur as 2020. 

Teddie Bear Adventures

Recovery Road

2chicksandapen

The road to recovery for my little puppy and me. You will have to refer to “that feeling” post to see where this journey began. My emotions were way out of whack watching this pup suffer then work to recover. The picture below is a tired pup who wished they could run but just lays still waiting for the medicine to kick in. I’ve always said a good stretch is part of recovery!

At the vet her left paw hung mid air. I felt horrible. She limps upon arrival home but takes tiny risks as she gets her water and food. Amidst the chaos much love was seen in my environment. Her sister Teddie was amazing. She was calm when she needed to be and sat by her side as she rested. She played soft vs fierce when the puppy’s movement was limited. She knew exactly when to hold the puppy’s paw so to speak. This might be the silver lining of this whole fiasco.

After the limping and moping around she opted for yard lounging and rolling to get some energy out. Within 24 hours she was showing signs or a miraculous recovery. Maybe the meds helped. Maybe the snuggles. Not sure but she did milk us for sure. Those big eyes got me.

As my heart had pain originally it quickly swelled knowing both girls would make a full recovery. Physically and emotionally while building their sibling bond. I sure did hit the lottery when Teddie entered my life and now more than ever I see that value of adding a sibling (Bear) so they can do life together and support each other and me of course.

Precious time. Valuable photos. The limp is fading. The courage is seen. Teddie is a golden doodle. Bear is a labradoodle. Similar breeds yet different. Teddie loves hard and is fiercely loyal. Bear is playful but also loving. Her full persona is still evolving but for now we know she has a great future and is one tough little girl.

Recovery is hard but a needed step in many stages of life. It was unfortunate we had to experience this at such a young age. I will forever remember the guilty feeling in my belly when the accident happened.

Uncategorized

When It Hits the Fan

2chicksandapen

Life is being extra lifey these days. I wrote about it recently and how I work to manage it.

Although I try to stay calm, lately there’s been a rant brewing. Here it goes.

I get life being lifey at times. But here’s what I don’t get.

You know the phrase “when the shit hits the fan?” When I used to use that phrase, that basically meant life bring lifey. Challenges. Bad things happen. Wrong decisions come home to roost.

In the past few days, this turn of phrase has come to my mind time and time again. But then I really thought about the image of it. Imagine a box fan whirring whirring whirring around. Then, enter shit, hitting it at top speed. What comes to mind?

Splashes? Spatter? Explosions? Spots? Disgustingness spread indiscriminately?

All. Over. The. Room. All over the people nearby. Just ruining so much. Everywhere. The fallout. Nothing is safe. Gagging and vomiting ensue. And yet, if you’re nearby, you’re affected by the mess and need to help clean it up.

Life being lifey is expected sometimes, but damn if people’s personal decisions don’t just spew shit all over the place lately. Innocent bystanders are left to clean up the mess.

Here’s how that’s looked in my world lately…People doing dumb stuff has left us sheltering mothers and children, taking care of extra dogs for weeks on end, doing the jobs of many others (in addition to our own), chasing other’s abandoned or neglected children, filling holes in life left and right. It’s left us scrambling, unsettled, cleaning up those messes others have made, wasting time and precious energy that is frankly already spoken for and needed elsewhere.

I don’t have a solution, just a suggestion for people to seriously consider foresight when making decisions. As much as some of us are trying to stupid-proof our lives, we are all interdependent. When you make an idiotic decision, very rarely do the impacts just stop with you. Think about it. Yes, most people are overwhelmed and on edge. Spewing shit all over the place doesn’t help matters. Think ahead. Try to keep it together. Prevent those preventable accidents or exposures, whatever it may be.

End rant.

awareness

Safe Place

2chicksandapen

There’s at least one every year.

It usually starts with a drop-in from the counselor. “We need a safe place for _______________. Is it ok if we have the library as her safe place?”

The answer is always yes. Of course.

The reasons are many. For some, it’s a desire to run away. In my years in the public education system, we’ve had a handful of students who cope with things by physically running out of the school. Sometimes they make it to the street, down the road, into the woods. As you might imagine, a student exiting the building is cause for everything and everyone to stop what they are doing until the student is found. After the student is located, there is a process that begins…protocols, safety measures, and so on. One part of the protocol is identifying safe places for those students to go when they feel that urge to escape. My library is pretty big and I have no problem leaving students alone. So the counselor brings that student in and shows them where they can go to be undisturbed.

We’ve had other students who try to harm themselves. Much like our students who need to escape, the library is a place they can go to be alone and decompress. I have worked on the art of watching these kids without putting them under a microscope. We all know adults to just need a time out, but don’t need to be overly isolated. I strive to be that safe place where a student can be just alone enough to gather themselves.

At times it is students who can’t be in the room for whatever is being taught. We have families who don’t want their students exposed to stories about magic. We have other families who don’t celebrate certain holidays. In that case, we are the place that students can come to avoid that content.

And then there are the students with health conditions. From seasonal allergies to epileptic seizures, I am the place where students go when being outside for recess isn’t a safe option. I try to give these little guys things to do while they are inside. I hurt at times for these kids, since being outside is so vital to health and such a fun part of the school day.

I guess I am in the margins. A catch-all for students who need a place to just be who they are for whatever reason. A welcoming spot for anyone who is a little different. Do you have a place like that? Or maybe it’s a person?

balance

Life being Lifey

2chicksandapen

Life is being extra lifey these days. War, weather, mental stresses, financial hardships, on and on and on. It’s everywhere. My work life, my personal life, family friends colleagues acquaintances are all full of it. People are messy in their best times. Now, their messiness is more like a shambles that spills out and spreads all over.

Assume people will get sick, have issues and set backs and not be able to execute. Assume extra tasks, jobs, and responsibilities are coming as a result of the balls that others will drop. It’s just how things are right now. How can I thrive, survive, persist, stay sane in light of these times?

Here’s how I am hanging on for this bumpy ride:

Eat well. There are certain things I don’t farm out to anyone. Nutrition is number one. I own every step of that process from planning it to shopping for it to cooking it to packing it up. I don’t like being off plan and I don’t always make great decisions when it’s left to the last minute, whatever I can get my hands on. I know that eating well makes me feel better and do better. End of story.

Exercise first thing in the morning. The only possible exception is Sundays. Exercise helps me manage stress and gives me a sense of accomplishment and strength right off the bat. Extra boost if I see my friends and get the social sweat aspect of life first thing as well, but this isn’t always possible. Movement always is!

Stay ahead on things, knowing curveballs are coming. Busy season is about to kick up. When I have an idle moment, I try to think about what task I can push one step (or more steps) forward. Throw the laundry in. Clean something. Stock the pantry with two instead of one. Hopefully, when deadlines come or something is needed, I am ready instead of behind the eight ball trying to juggle and patch things together. Being ahead on what I can eases my stress.

Sundays. Sundays are my reset and ready-for-the-week day. I try to protect this if at all possible. It is often the only day I start with an extended coffee time at home. I write. I pull out clothes for the week. I make lists. I try really hard not to drive anywhere further away than 10-15 minutes unless it is a soul-serving adventure. Looking ahead on the calendar, keeping Sundays “sacred” will get harder and harder as fall’s busy-ness kicks in. Even as I write this, my Saturday and Sunday has flipped for this weekend. But I still try to keep one day with fewer commitments. Go-go-go all the time wears me out.

Notice nature. Get out and immerse myself in nature as often as possible, even for a few minutes a day. Flower farming has been amazing for this. I have a couple of hours a week in our field, just cutting flowers, watching bees and butterflies, soaking up the fresh air. I keep our flowers with me at work and home so I see them many times a day. They always make me take a small mental pause and smile.

What could I add? I need to write more often. I need to stretch. I need to meditate. These fall too low on the to-do list right now and I know each of them would help. This paragraph is a challenge to myself!

These last few weeks have been a lot, at times bordering on “too much, I can’t handle it, get me out of here.” There have been times I’ve considered drinking alcohol, which I don’t do. I’ve considered massive carb-and-cheese-laden meals of things I don’t typically eat. These things float through my mind, I notice them, then remind myself what works for me.

“Self care” has been a buzzword over the last couple of years. It comes with these challenging times. Life being lifey just beats many of us down and we need to take care of ourselves. I am a firm believer that you can’t pour from an empty cup, meaning you have to keep yourself cared for before you can care for others. Self care looks different for everyone. For some, it means doing whatever you want, regardless of the craving and what it costs. For me, self care does not mean self indulgence. Sometimes it means reminding myself what my goals are and what makes me feel healthy. A cocktail isn’t self care for me. Or a piece of chocolate cake. Might feel good for a moment, but then I’m left dealing with the fallout from my own impulsiveness.

In the end, I can only try to control my own decisions, my time, and my attention. I have to redirect myself when the decisions others make upset me. Boundaries are ok to set and adhere to. I only have to explain myself to those select few people who warrant it. But for most people, “no” can absolutely be a complete sentence.