Tag: familytime

challenges, change

Stand Back

2chicksandapen

Hands off.

Stand back.

Let things take their course.

This is hard for many of us when we are watching what could be a slow motion tragedy unfolding. It’s especially hard for helpers (see my enneagram for more). I want to help. I want to fix. I want to make it all better for the people I care about.

I have been a helper for as long as I can remember. Being a helper is alive in my profession. It’s alive in my volunteer positions. It’s key to how I shape my days. So telling me not to help is like telling me to not be myself.

I have grown to understand that I have to fill my own cup first. This was a big step for me. I can’t help others if I am empty myself. But this is different…In the past few years, I’ve heard the cries of friends telling me that sometimes doing for others really isn’t a help. It robs them of the chance to gain their own power, self-esteem, self-worth. Still, I had a hard time stepping away when people asked for my help. Heck, I even offered help when it wasn’t even asked for.

Push finally came to shove in a situation and I had to step back. The bridge to help was too wide to cross, so I somehow let it go. I worked through the guilt. The shame. The pain. And just let others take the reins of their troubles and their successes.

This enabling isn’t always an easy pattern to break, especially in the beginning. There is time and energy to redirect. All the feelings and urges have to be tamped down. It may sound a little self-serving to say it hurts not to help, but it’s true.

It has taken time. What has surprised me is hearing from loved ones that they don’t hate me or disapprove of me standing back. That secret worry has not come to pass, at least not to my face. If there are people out there who are disappointed in me, close up, far away, or even not with us anymore, they have not shared with me.

And after some time and restraint, it has been rewarding to watch people begin to take control of their lives. Is it an immediate success? No. There are bumps and setbacks and disappointments. I can try to be there to support during these times and listen. I can think about what is truly necessary and try to provide some of that. But I really default to staying back and letting the person sort it out themselves. They are strengthening their own muscles whether they like it or not.

I find myself becoming more self-reliant and independent in the wake of these decisions. I also feel a little less me, but I am living with that. I am learning what boundaries work for me and my resources…time, emotion, financial, and more.

celebrations, family

Whirlwind Weekend

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My youngest daughter joined a college club lacrosse team. One of the fun parts of this is travel. First up: an away play day in Nashville that just so happened to be my birthday weekend. That was an easy sell!

It was harder to find a traveling companion. Close family and favorite travel buddies couldn’t make it for one reason or another. I was kinda pouty until just a few days before, when the daughter I was going to watch figured out she could stay with me. We traveled to Nashville separately, but after her games we were able to spend the rest of the weekend together.

It was a whirlwind weekend of packed with fun. I had most of it mapped out before we met up. I started with morning coffee at Dutch Brothers, a perennial fave. Longtime readers know that I love to visit local coffee shops on my travels, but Dutch would be an exception. It’s a national chain, yes, but there isn’t one anywhere near my hometown. I can’t resist their positive energy or their soft top!

Then I found my way to one of the Five Daughters Bakery locations, which happened to be tucked in to a cute local marketplace. Most of the shops were closed at that early hour, but there were still some fun murals and photo opps. A handful of their hundred-layer doughnuts and I was off to the next destination.

After that, a super quick visit to Cheekwood to catch a glimpse of their fall pumpkin festival displays. I was the first one through the gates that morning, and more than likely the first to leave in time to make the start of the lacrosse games. Still, it was soothing and smile-inducing to see the beautiful plants and festive surroundings. I’m sure I could have spent a whole day there, but even just that small sliver of time made me feel lighter and carefree as I welcomed my favorite season of the year.

After lacrosse, we made a quick visit to a Nashville food hall with a close family friend. It had live music and a wide variety of local eateries – something to please everyone. Then we spent Saturday night on a “touristy” thing by visiting the Grand Old Opry. Pretty classic Nashville, but my daughter had never been. It was a great variety show, even if we hadn’t really heard of any of the acts. Wonderful entertainment. (An evening at the Bluebird Cafe is still on my Nashville wish list! Didn’t get tickets this time but I’ll keep trying.)

After the show, we drove about an hour to Cookeville. This brought us close to the next morning’s adventure, a kayak to Burgess Falls. The paddle was low key and not too technical, but it was pretty long. The scenery was pretty and then it was a short hike to the falls since the river waters recede a bit in the autumn months. The bottom of the falls are only reachable by kayak or hike, which made the view all the more sweet.

Time with my youngest becomes more precious each year as she moves through college. Long car rides leave time for us to chat and catch up. We talked this time about how, as time goes on, we’ve learned that we would rather have fewer things and more experiences together.

Just like my older daughter, I can hear that her dreams will take her to live in faraway places in the coming years. This makes these experiences and memories all the more sweet. Time and attention (and shared adventures!) are the best gifts we can give one another.

adventure, family

College Is Fast Approaching

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9 weeks on the road this summer. From Florida to New York and everything in between. Then for giggles clear across the country to Oregon. Sometimes the same route more than once but with different stops along the way.

Travel by plane. Travel by car. Travel by train. Travel by RV. We utilized Uber. We took advantage of Turo. We took many unconventional paths. We lived so much through our experiences. Turo and Uber were our app-worthy summer accomplishments. We even had some time to use bikes. So many memories. So many hiccups along the way. I wouldn’t change a thing. 

Good company.

Great experiences.

Countless fun.

So many photos.

It wasn’t always easy, but it was always workable with a positive attitude and a lot of flexibility. Work. Play. Recover. A delicate balancing act for some. A day in the life for me. I will never get to hit rewind on these months I just lived. Knowing that made me forge ahead to cram as much into the calendar as as humanly and financially possible.

Sometimes I had to plan and then re-plan. Things didn’t always go smoothly. I lived. I learned. I outlasted. Summer 2022 is in the rear view. So many college campuses were scouted out. Many highs. Many lows. Some visits at the surface level while others more in-depth. The process is real. The decisions are hard. The challenge is ahead.

My youngest will choose soon. Where to go. What she wants to be as an adult. I will become less needed. I will be an empty nester. A title I don’t really care for but yet one I will look forward to at the same time. As I earn that new title I will embark on new journeys and adventures. Maybe not criss-crossing the county in a summer but maybe exploring cities I’ve never been or getting back into putting stamps on my passport.

I’m adjusting to what’s ahead while enjoying what’s in front of me. Years become months. Those months turn into weeks. Before you know it, days are in front of us. Don’t waste the minutes. Value them. Cherish them. Enjoy them. I know I am.

As my mom always says: live life to the fullest. Tomorrow is never guaranteed.

For now I wait for the day to come that she decides where she heads off to beyond her days of high school. Close by? A neighboring state? Across the country? Another country?

adventure

RV Life Episode 3

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Take me to the land of chocolate.

Oh, Hershey, PA we are here for an extended weekend. Just happened to be Father’s Day weekend. What dad doesn’t like roller coaster fun on their special day?

We hit the road early on a Friday. Travel was smooth as it can be in an RV until we hit some unexpected crosswinds in Virginia. I didn’t even know my car had an alarm for crosswinds. Guess you learn something new everyday. The crosswind experience is one I won’t forget and a great reminder of how important it is to always be alert on the road to avoid tragedies.

Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland and eventually Pennsylvania were all states we cruised through on this one Friday. Lucky number seven I suppose. Unloaded in epic time to catch the cool night air at the one and only Hershey Park, PA. An older theme park with the Super Dooper Looper. A blast from my past in the 80’s. 

Our destination was nestled in the trees not far from the park. Resort benefits included complimentary shuttle to the park which worked out great. Spots are tucked in nice but I hope many leave before I do as it’s a tight space to work your way out! 

The people watching is always amazing when camping. Everything from lounge clothes to pjs mid-day to laundry hanging from ropes on trees to bike riding and scooters going by all while fires are burning and marshmallows are toasting. The sounds of giggles and chatting amongst many different people is always soul refreshing. It’s also nice to see folks cozied up to a fire with blankets first thing in the morning sipping on coffee.

Every stop is always different in the RV. This one had families with little ones, clusters of friends side by side, retirees and so on. We are in and out but always observing. Never staying long enough to get super friendly but just enough to savor the experience.

This site had great shade but not a specific waterfront view like our stops in the past. This destination lacked the views but made up for it in the sweetness. I do mean chocolate life. And for the record I am a dark chocolate type of girl. Thank you Hershey for a unique camping experience.

The photo above is a glimpse of an RV breakfast. Bacon next to a toasted bagel with avocado spread with a hard boiled egg grated over it. Topped with pepper or everything but the bagel seasoning. A good balance for life on the road but super easy to make with a little pre-planning. I do enjoy controlling my menus on the road vs being forced to eat whatever roadside option pops up. I also can’t complain about eating my breakfast in a reclining chair with fresh cool air flowing that requires a blanket when I left a heat wave in Georgia!

Off we go to chase the sunrise on our ride home. Some of the best rides are the ones watching the sun rise in a new place as you head home from your journey away. Sometimes the early am brings a fog then the sun and the colors are always amazing but each rise is ever so unique.

Teddie Bear Adventures

Recovery Road

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The road to recovery for my little puppy and me. You will have to refer to “that feeling” post to see where this journey began. My emotions were way out of whack watching this pup suffer then work to recover. The picture below is a tired pup who wished they could run but just lays still waiting for the medicine to kick in. I’ve always said a good stretch is part of recovery!

At the vet her left paw hung mid air. I felt horrible. She limps upon arrival home but takes tiny risks as she gets her water and food. Amidst the chaos much love was seen in my environment. Her sister Teddie was amazing. She was calm when she needed to be and sat by her side as she rested. She played soft vs fierce when the puppy’s movement was limited. She knew exactly when to hold the puppy’s paw so to speak. This might be the silver lining of this whole fiasco.

After the limping and moping around she opted for yard lounging and rolling to get some energy out. Within 24 hours she was showing signs or a miraculous recovery. Maybe the meds helped. Maybe the snuggles. Not sure but she did milk us for sure. Those big eyes got me.

As my heart had pain originally it quickly swelled knowing both girls would make a full recovery. Physically and emotionally while building their sibling bond. I sure did hit the lottery when Teddie entered my life and now more than ever I see that value of adding a sibling (Bear) so they can do life together and support each other and me of course.

Precious time. Valuable photos. The limp is fading. The courage is seen. Teddie is a golden doodle. Bear is a labradoodle. Similar breeds yet different. Teddie loves hard and is fiercely loyal. Bear is playful but also loving. Her full persona is still evolving but for now we know she has a great future and is one tough little girl.

Recovery is hard but a needed step in many stages of life. It was unfortunate we had to experience this at such a young age. I will forever remember the guilty feeling in my belly when the accident happened.