Tag: awareness

challenges

12:03 am

2chicksandapen

The clock was ticking away in the silence.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

It seemed slow then fast. Loud then soft. It was so annoying. I heard the breathing of my dog. Every little sigh. The rest of the house was ever so quiet, but my mind was racing.

Racing on much to do about nothing. Yet I couldn’t fall asleep. I tried the sleeping mask. I tried soft relaxing music. I tried to empty the bladder. Every possible trick was tried. The efforts were futile.

Funny tummy grumbles picked up after a while but I wasn’t willing to go for the midnight snack. More ticks. More tocks. They almost gave me a dreadful headache. Blankets on. Blankets off. Try to sleep on the side. No the back. I don’t even think hanging from the ceiling fan would help.

Yawns begin yet my mind just can’t shutdown properly. Much to do about nothing. What a night. Early to rise tomorrow and somebody isn’t going to be happy or full of zest. Drank some water. Still not sleepy.

In the distance an owl is stirring. Whoo. Whoo. With a slight gurgle in the whoo. Or maybe it more of a whistle-like whoo. It’s definitely an owl yet I can’t express in words the tone or tune of its call in the wee hours of the morning. It’s there. Nearby of course. Doing its thing. One ear is hearing the owl while the other is focused on the ticks and the tocks. Some dog sighs sporadically sneak into the rhythm of the night’s symphony.

Every once an a while a car or truck passes in the distance. Not heavy traffic more like a lone car here and there that I hear the acceleration of. Such a quiet night for me to hear these sounds that I miss every other day. Today they seem to be accentuated. For my pain? For my pleasure?

As the minutes turn into hours I start thinking about how to be productive. Shop on Amazon. Write a blog post. Make a packing list for my next trip. Counting sheep didn’t work, the darkness of the mask didn’t work. Nothing was helping me sleep today.

I will never know the root of my sleepless adventure, but I will remember how tired I am tomorrow. Signing off as a sleepless soul of the night. I’m sure many others are floating in their thoughts somewhere.

sleeping face hopeful for sleep in the coming hours.

awareness

NYC After Midnight Part 4

2chicksandapen

The night came to a close.

An Uber ride for 3 miles away was on the agenda. The app was showing a surge but the price was still around $30.00 which seemed fair. Then the craziness started.

Random men flashing the Uber logo to get your business. The catch was they were not real Uber drivers. $150.00 one shouted. I’ll get you are ride for $175.00. $100.00 over here. There were at least 50 gentlemen stalking you. In your face. Behind your back. To your side. It’s the dark hour. It’s the big city. This is crazy!

To think in that moment, how many out-of-towners or foreign visitors fall prey to these scams. I thought a lot in that moment of who I was with, how to be safe and how things would be different if even one individual is my party was different. How this situation could have shifted drastically.  Having street sense is so important when travel in a city, at night during very busy events. Just so much opportunity for misfortune can be lurking nearby.

We dodged that area. It took a minute but we went to a real Uber pick up area. Or did we? A spray painted sign leading to an underpass of the highway. That sounds safe, right? Before we even get close enough we decide it’s just not a good choice. Then the heavens open up. A fierce patch of rain hits us. Yes, we got wet. Once we escaped the flash rain we regrouped on a street corner. Well lit with a police officer sitting on the opposite corner.

Despite the calmness of the night, the well lit area and the police presence we were still a target or easy prey. Up rolls the late model small sized suv. The window goes down and says I’m your Uber. Really? No you are not. That’s why Uber has validation codes and labels showing it’s an Uber of Lyft vehicle for that matter. He was relentless. He turned off his vehicle and said, I’ll just wait until you are ready. I know you need a ride. Wow, just wow is all I could think of.

Regroup session #304 it seemed like. Headed back toward the corral of fake Uber drivers to see if the bus was still running its routes. That would at least be a bit safer than the other options. Then luckily our short walk landed us on the side of the street where the cab service has just replenished its line of cabs. A real cab. A meter. A photo IS. Phew. We found a viable option.

The cab smelled like urine and sweat. Luckily it was only a three mile trip. The driver was nice but offered a cash option vs credit card. One of the passengers opted for cash quickly. Little did she know that that meant he didn’t turn on the meter. He would in essence pocket the fare. In most instances it wouldn’t be a big deal, but I thought otherwise given the interactions in the last hour.

Would we make it 3 miles to our destination. If there was no record of the pickup who would know where were ended up. I had so many thoughts run through my mind. Maybe I shouldn’t think this way but I did. I had my antennas up and I was ready to bail from the back seat if anything went wrong.

I made it to my destination in one piece. I did learn to always be aware of your surroundings and make sure you have a plan with your travel mates. How to handle awkward situations. Who makes the final yeah or nay decisions when the group can’t decide. Who is most responsible and equipped to navigate a specific travel destination.

Maybe remote Idaho you don’t need to think about these things, but in a big city to another country you should definitely have a plan. You should also know if you blend in or stick out. That in itself can make you a target. Are you showcasing you are a traveler with a shirt for an event on and a gift bag? Are you an outfit maybe not suited for a everyday train ride? Are you a different ethnicity amidst a a crowd of different background?

Little things one may not want to think about. Just a word to the wise when traveling. Don’t be naive. Consider worst case scenarios and just be aware. Don’t hike in a remote trail on the middle of nowhere without leaving your itinerary with friends or family. It’s like pilots file a flight plan, subsequently we should all file a travel or excursion plan or at least share our location with others as a safety measure.

Just a random city post of what may or may not happen in the city at night. It could be in a suburb as well. This post merely uses the city as it was an actual experience lived.

I still love NYC even with all its craziness.

balance

She Said It

2chicksandapen

She typed it first.

Then she said it.

It was a compliment.

It wasn’t forced.

It was genuine.

My cheeks lit up a bit.

I was so happy to hear that I made an impact. I wasn’t trying to. Rather I was just being me. Being me was glorified by public appeal in an unexpected age group. How fabulous. A compliment from a young one. A growing one.

Just when I think there is no hope for the next generation, I get a glimpse of what can be. I then remember it’s the small seeds we plant. It’s the lessons lived. The opportunities given that will shape a person. I’m going to keep doing me. Many may judge but the one that matters most appreciates. I’m going to remain hopeful that one good outweighs the 10 struggles. 

This small footnote in my day will be long remembered. Cherished. How one little thing can mean so much to another. What can you do today to lift up another? Or maybe the question is how easily can you tear down another? What do you choose today?

For me I think I have the power in many instances to tear down another. I don’t do it often or if I do it’s not intentional, but sometimes it is. A form of self-preservation. Keeping with this thought we can all be doormats at some point in time. Sometimes it’s front and center as in your immediate family. They can be the worst. Taking for granted how special you are.

I believe that’s when it hurts the most. I’ve lived both sides of the equation. For me I savor the footnotes at the beginning of the post otherwise my days would be long and grueling if I focused on the latter.

You see people are ugly most days. Not always intentional but it happens. We still choose our reaction to the sourness. Sometimes you bark back. Sometimes you walk away. Sometimes you take it. Ultimately you decide. You live with the level of acceptance you desire for your self and others.

Some times I draw lines firmly. Other times I’m soft given variables in others. Recently I reset 100% because of a person who riled me up. I often think of the values I grew up with and how they have disciplined me for today and beyond. I think I instilled the same in my kids yet environments can skew your teachings. School influences. Internet options. Young teachers vs. tenured providing guidance when you are not near. Do-gooders in the world meddling based on what they see vs whole picture. Jaded views. 

In my early years I played outside more. I learned through self-discovery but in a more closed environment. I was very fortunate in my experiences yet sheltered in comparison to today. Cell phones. Distractions. So many variables. My views were tainted to the time I grew up in. My views were less worldly. Less public. Less stressful.

All in all grace is grace. Sometimes people need more grace than others. Sometimes we have to hold onto the one good to balance the 10 lessons one is learning. Growing up today is so much different than when I growing up.

I must remind myself of this often to savor the joy and focus less on differences.

For this post goes round and round but I hope that some words may have you reflect on your surroundings. What can be different. What can cause chaos. What role you can play to ease the stress of others.

Just a thought post.

author moments, awareness, challenges

It’s Been A Week

2chicksandapen

This week is one for the record books. 

So much to do in my own day-to-day life. The normal tasks. The one-off tasks. The fitness regimen. The community service. The people time. Travel. Life a-z. Then a boom hits. A real shocker nobody could ever plan for. Indirect connection. Direct connection. Neither matters when the boom is so hard the shock wave spirals for miles and miles. That’s what happen when a child dies that is interwoven in communities near and far due to school, church and sports connections.

My community is mourning the loss of a young girl. The day-to-day life seems insignificant yet life continues for our family. A guilt one should not want to feel. As a coach of young girls, I check in on social media. I text. I watch. I have to keep an eye out. I see so much hurt. I check in with other parents to see how grief is setting in on their home front. I see sadness on faces that normally boast bright smiles. I see prayer groups running non stop. Everyone is trying to get by with a little help from……

God

The community

Family

Friends

Loved ones

Many are holding on to cherished memories. Many are wondering why they didn’t get to say goodbye. Others are thinking why did I not do this or maybe why did I say that. When loss hits without warning so many raw emotions are stirred up. Time has become a thief. Time is no longer an option with that person. The loss of not doing is what is so hard.

Healing has begun for this community in some ways. No one will really ever understand the why behind this incident. None of us will really be exactly the same. Some kids will learn lessons and some will sit in the darkness for many reasons. Life is full of experiences and unfortunately death is one of them. Living through loss is where growth can happen even if it’s extremely hard in the moment. I’m learning how to be a better parent for example. I’m learning how to talk more deeply with other parents on how they are handling this type of grief and/or teaching moments.

I am however not passing judgment on the young girl. I am not passing judgment on the others involved. It’s not my place. It’s also not for me to decide who was in the wrong. My job is to be patient. To learn. To love. To be present. That’s it. Just a support role. A support for whomever needs it. When they need it. Today. Tomorrow. A year from now.

I will think of the color blue a little differently now. The baby blue hue that is a memory of her bright light on the world. A soft color to represent an angel in the distance. May her new journey be one that allows her to soar among the powdery blue skies. 

As one is set to be layed to rest. I pause. I reflect on my choices. My guidance to my kids. This could be me. This could be you. This tragedy can happen in your community. Teens are not invincible despite their beliefs. It’s great to feel invincible but we all know as adults how dangerous feeling invincible can be. For now I’m one of the lucky ones. I get to hug my teen. I get to continue the process of looking at colleges. I get to support my teen during this grief.

My heart goes out to the parents who don’t have that ability any longer. My strength goes out to the families whose children’s lives were spared that night. For they feel a different kind of grief and relief and guilt. My resilience is going out to the family of the one who ultimately has to face the legal system for this unfortunate situation. Another angle of this dilemma many may forget about but one that is equally challenging. Families will hurt for years to come. 

As I close my eyes to drift into a peaceful state I say a quiet prayer for all. Everyone needs something. May peace be granted to all in the ways that each needs for healing. I am also praying for healing of all involved in the other teen incidents that just happened to occur close by in the past few weeks as well.

The teen shot leaving school.

The teen stabbed with a box cutter in the school bathroom.

The football player gunned down at the mall.

Signing off as a lucky mom today. Heartbroken for the kids and families impacted by these tragedies. May this be a reminder that we as parents are not invincible. We can all be faced with that uncertainty one day. Stay humble. Be kind. Do what you can to help others. You may need the support one day.

challenges, dare to be different

Don’t Say Gay

2chicksandapen

“I am not gay!”

…the cry came from behind the swings. Then the young man came streaking across the playground toward the tall trees. “I am NOT gay! I AM NOT GAY!” Screamed with the terror of trying to outrun the boogie man, a cloud of cooties, a wild black bear and the abominable snowman all at once.

This summer, I am teaching third grade students. They are 9 or 10 years old. This is one interaction I witnessed this week on the playground.

I started the calm walk over to talk with him and the other boys who had been taunting him.

“What is going on?” I asked them. The conversation quietly began. One sheepishly admitted to calling another one gay. The one who used the word hung his head as he fessed up.

I hear over and over again that if we talk about gay families or students in elementary school, we are exposing them to this content way too early. Here’s the thing this playground taunt reminded me: THIS SO-CALLED “MATURE CONTENT” IS ALREADY THERE. It is already in our schools.

Some of our students have same-sex parents. They have siblings who are part of the LGBTQIA+ community, not to mention aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Then there are relationships they see in the media. Some of our elementary students even know they are in one of these groups, even if they don’t have the words for it yet. The vast majority of kids in our schools already know about this through observation and experience, just as they know about heterosexual relationships from a huge variety of sources.

Here’s what I know: if adult professionals in schools avoid talking about this topic at all, it is allowed to run rampant with misconceptions and ignorance. When I told these young men (really, they are boys) that being gay is not an awful thing, it’s just how some people are, their eyes popped and their jaws dropped. I could tell they had not heard that before.

I can’t allow students to run around on playgrounds and call people gay as if that is the worst thing they could be. How would a gay classmate feel, or a classmate with same sex parents?

Is it any wonder the rate of suicide attempts and suicidal thoughts is higher among LGBTQ young people if their identity is used as an insult? And adults just stand by and watch it happen?

I get it…It’s not always easy to talk about for people of many ages. One of my daughter’s friends who came out in the past couple of years saw me at a party recently. She said “Miss Beth, you forgot to wish me a Happy Pride Month!” I hugged her and wished her Happy Pride Month with a smile. I love seeing her come into her own and embrace her truth.

Then I showed her my watch face, which made her eyes light up. I have my Apple Watch set on one of the new Pride faces. It may seem little, but even small signals to young people that they are seen, accepted, and embraced for who they are matter. And I will continue to say it and show it in whatever ways I can.