Author: 2chicksandapen

author moments, awareness, challenges

It’s Been A Week

2chicksandapen

This week is one for the record books. 

So much to do in my own day-to-day life. The normal tasks. The one-off tasks. The fitness regimen. The community service. The people time. Travel. Life a-z. Then a boom hits. A real shocker nobody could ever plan for. Indirect connection. Direct connection. Neither matters when the boom is so hard the shock wave spirals for miles and miles. That’s what happen when a child dies that is interwoven in communities near and far due to school, church and sports connections.

My community is mourning the loss of a young girl. The day-to-day life seems insignificant yet life continues for our family. A guilt one should not want to feel. As a coach of young girls, I check in on social media. I text. I watch. I have to keep an eye out. I see so much hurt. I check in with other parents to see how grief is setting in on their home front. I see sadness on faces that normally boast bright smiles. I see prayer groups running non stop. Everyone is trying to get by with a little help from……

God

The community

Family

Friends

Loved ones

Many are holding on to cherished memories. Many are wondering why they didn’t get to say goodbye. Others are thinking why did I not do this or maybe why did I say that. When loss hits without warning so many raw emotions are stirred up. Time has become a thief. Time is no longer an option with that person. The loss of not doing is what is so hard.

Healing has begun for this community in some ways. No one will really ever understand the why behind this incident. None of us will really be exactly the same. Some kids will learn lessons and some will sit in the darkness for many reasons. Life is full of experiences and unfortunately death is one of them. Living through loss is where growth can happen even if it’s extremely hard in the moment. I’m learning how to be a better parent for example. I’m learning how to talk more deeply with other parents on how they are handling this type of grief and/or teaching moments.

I am however not passing judgment on the young girl. I am not passing judgment on the others involved. It’s not my place. It’s also not for me to decide who was in the wrong. My job is to be patient. To learn. To love. To be present. That’s it. Just a support role. A support for whomever needs it. When they need it. Today. Tomorrow. A year from now.

I will think of the color blue a little differently now. The baby blue hue that is a memory of her bright light on the world. A soft color to represent an angel in the distance. May her new journey be one that allows her to soar among the powdery blue skies. 

As one is set to be layed to rest. I pause. I reflect on my choices. My guidance to my kids. This could be me. This could be you. This tragedy can happen in your community. Teens are not invincible despite their beliefs. It’s great to feel invincible but we all know as adults how dangerous feeling invincible can be. For now I’m one of the lucky ones. I get to hug my teen. I get to continue the process of looking at colleges. I get to support my teen during this grief.

My heart goes out to the parents who don’t have that ability any longer. My strength goes out to the families whose children’s lives were spared that night. For they feel a different kind of grief and relief and guilt. My resilience is going out to the family of the one who ultimately has to face the legal system for this unfortunate situation. Another angle of this dilemma many may forget about but one that is equally challenging. Families will hurt for years to come. 

As I close my eyes to drift into a peaceful state I say a quiet prayer for all. Everyone needs something. May peace be granted to all in the ways that each needs for healing. I am also praying for healing of all involved in the other teen incidents that just happened to occur close by in the past few weeks as well.

The teen shot leaving school.

The teen stabbed with a box cutter in the school bathroom.

The football player gunned down at the mall.

Signing off as a lucky mom today. Heartbroken for the kids and families impacted by these tragedies. May this be a reminder that we as parents are not invincible. We can all be faced with that uncertainty one day. Stay humble. Be kind. Do what you can to help others. You may need the support one day.

challenges

Another Day to Build

2chicksandapen

I am back at my construction project. That 120 square feet that I am updating for my current needs. The bandaid is on my annoying blister as a cushion.  As a bonus, I will probably have a little scar from that stupid blister. Lucky me. A badge of honor I suppose. The grungy clothes are back on. This time I will be actually wearing my gloves to avoid more bandaids. It took a good week to get rid of the ouch of the blister.

Insulation is wrapping up and the planning of the metal has begun. And maybe begun again more than once. I also scrapped the wood I was going to use and decided to use some accented bead board. A cheap alternative and easy to work with. I’m obviously not building a house thus I can use the more flimsy materials. I am calling this my lipstick renovation, Somewhat of a little puzzle to put together. I have a vision but I have to figure out how to make it look just the way I want it. Piece by piece. Brick by brick or makeshift brick. Sneak peek below.

As a pause button is hit on the faux brick the shift is made to focus on the metal. Cutting. Measuring. Assembling. Aligning the trim to cover rough edges. Let the drum roll begin. A cleaning process. Then the final touch was some sealant to keep the vintage metal from rubbing its age off on passers by. Not sure if it will work, but I guess in time I will find out. A decent stink of aerosol was in my small space just lingering in the air. Thank goodness for window ventilation and air flow. At the end of this session I was definitely happy with the assembly of the recycled metal. About 50 percent more to go. 

A level. A power saw. Screws. Snips. Elbow grease. Patience. Measuring tape. These are the ingredients for today’s progress. Maybe not as much progress as I wanted but it’s forward progress. Another half metal wall to knock out. The top half of each small wall over the metal still needs to be crafted fully but a sneak peek is below. Another puzzle of sorts now that I am on window height. A few tricky spots will be the final stages to conquer.

My next update in this series will hopefully be the final project. Progress not perfection for this project. 

adventure

Damn Dallas

2chicksandapen

This post is in reverse, meaning it will begin with the end. My return flight. Shake. Bump. Skip. Double skip. Hop. Ricochet. Shaken profusely sided to side. Slight pause. Forward shake. Ouch just banged my knee. Could we all have just had a concussion from all of the jarring movements in the last few minutes? My bumpiest flight in a long time.

An announcement. Stay in your seats. Turbulence ahead. No shit! Recheck your seat belt. Wow, that’s reassuring: shake. Shake. Bounce. Bump. Hiccups in a plane or that’s how I would describe the air. Shake profusely side to side. Again and again. The old woman next to me braces as if she is ready for impact. The next neighbor clearly states she needs a shot. I’m in the back of the plane. Is the turbulence worse I wonder?

Let me drift back to the happier moments of Dallas. The food. The company. The atmosphere. When I’m in Texas, meat is on my menu. Steak it was. Chef’s special at The Ranch. Filet mignon covered with a house sauce, garlic infused and topped with grilled shrimp. $$$-$$$$ was the listing online but with 4900 reviews I was good to try. The presentation was as amazing as it tasted. Charbroiled to perfection. Complemented by flavorful broccoli. A plateful. Completely finished, of course. The dining was right by the fire pit adding to the ambiance of the evening.

What do you say again? Steak of course. Steak prepared a little differently. No garlic, just nice steak seasoning. A premium cut. Complimented by green chile white cheddar cheese grits. I do believe this was my first time eating grits with steak, but I wasn’t sad about it. For this meal my dinner date and I opted to share a dessert. Our waiter added to the dining experience this round. Our cowboy said to go for the Homestead Cake. He clearly said you could get chocolate cake anywhere. A giant (over 6 foot and full of muscle) cowboy adorned with the hat, big belt buckle and overall manly cowboy-like appeal waited on us with some Texas charm. For the record we didn’t finish the dessert but it was extra sweet and delicious.

In between trips to and from our daily happenings we hit up our favorite coffee shop of the west: Dutch Bros! This place never disappoints. From the great customer service to the flavorful drinks and the cool vibe it highlights on each visit at each location. It was holiday season thus the menu was extra special. My favorite on a cold day was the hot cocoa with whipped cream. Perfection in a cup on a cold day. 

In case you didn’t know, everything is bigger in Texas. The hats. The trucks. The boots. The flags for the state of Texas. The state flag and the United States flag almost always hung in unison. Directly off the highway you would see the flag flapping in the wind. Such a pretty sight to see when the size is so bold and big. Texas is definitely a prideful state as I don’t ever recall seeing so many state flags when out and about in other states.

I couldn’t wrap up this post without noting the chaos on my flight to Dallas. The flashing lights in the airport with the announcement of a building emergency. Coupled with the scene outside my window….

The bookends of this trip were nothing less than eventful. Two different extremes yet I felt the urge to write about both. As a filler I gave you some samplings of my foodie adventures as well. Hope you enjoyed the highs and lows of my damn Dallas trip.

adventure

Foggy Friday

2chicksandapen

It was Friday night close to midnight. I was catching a late night flight. The fog set in just as we were taking off. The flickering light on the wing had a halo-like glow in the misty air. The southwest colors shined a little brighter on the wing. The simple picture was worth a snap or two. For I just wanted to remember the moment. I would normally share the photos but I unfortunately deleted them in error.

A tropical storm was coming up from the south. Torrential rain was at my destination to the north. The fog of Friday seemed ever so light despite the murky air and wet forecast for my weekend away. This cloudy, misty, miserable state somehow seemed relaxing after the long week leading up to this weekend getaway. So much to think about in the stillness of the foggy air.

I’m not tired yet, but I should be catching a nap. Instead I wrote. I drifted off into the creative space that I find joy in. I had just reviewed an article on oppression. It gave me a moment to pause and think about today’s society in comparison to the slave era. What has changed? What suffering still lurks? Just some banter for myself on this late flight.

Of course I had my adventures in people watching at the airport prior to boarding. This time I played a little game and aimed for people listening in addition to watching. I heard the singers in the air. I heard the couple complaining. I heard young people conversing about school work. I even heard some offensive comments. Maybe not directly spoken at me, but at a class of people I mirror in a way. I thought I’d hear more about the latest elections but not so much. The World Series didn’t seem like a current topic anymore. Just funny to hear what’s around you in the airport.

The mix of people. The mix of where people are from. The mix of where people are going. The tired people. The hyper people. The angry people. The weird people. Not really much to report in this post. Rather it’s just a summary of observations. A look through my lens. The way I see what’s around me. 

Travel is always about adventure. The unknown. The known. The plan. The unplanned. For I just experienced my first unplanned, unwanted, and unlikely scenario on trip. The spill. The spray. The laptop. Oh my. The girl next to me unknowingly opened a Sprite bottle while watching a movie. Her momentary lapse in judgment caused a decent mess. Followed by an “oh shit” moment.

The laptop had a puddle on it. The movie was still going. The bottle was still spraying. She was trapped in the window seat: The awkwardness and chaos hit at the same time. The blank stare. Really. I hit the call button. My call button. Don’t I look stupid now that the bottle had been moved to my tray table to help ease the stress and I asked for the boat load of napkins. I was a bit humiliated in the moment. I ended up looking like the hot mess while I really was just the innocent seat mate in the wrong place at the wrong time.

A little sticky. A little damp. For now I just have to cut this post short to be sure I’m not transferring the sticky goop onto my keyboard. For that would just make me a little aggravated. Off I go to really try to rest this time. And of course avoid any future encounters with exploding Sprite bottles. 

From observations to oppression to perception. This post really went from a-z in no time. That in itself sums up my day to day life in a nutshell.

inspire

Writers Block

2chicksandapen

Lately I’ve felt like I’ve had writer’s block. I have a lot to write but I don’t necessarily want to write as most of it appears negative. However, when I sit back and reflect I think it’s the perfect time to write. Go offload the blah.

When thinking about a picture for this post I immediately thought of my current book passed on to me. The No Asshole Rule is my current read. Although just into it a few pages I thought about the title. It’s meaning. It’s importance. Then I thought about my writings. My audience. My titles. The importance, hence you get today’s joyful rant. Consider this the no asshole zone. Or maybe I am an asshole. Asshat. Arsehole. Assclown.

The system(s) of life can be draining. The political system. The government system. The judicial system. The whole nine yards. Systems are in place to maintain consistency and reduce problems. However, many of our systems are outdated at best. Many systems are broken. What used to work doesn’t. When systems show signs of weakness they should be able to bend and flex, but it doesn’t because it’s a fixed system.

Life is messy. People are messy. Drama is always lurking. Money is the root of all evil in my eyes and ties to most systems, people and problems. The more you have the more you waste. The more money you have, the bigger the target on your back. Politics thrive on money. The government likes to waste money.  Money rules life. Money is a system in itself. A corrupt system because it’s not always fair and consistent among all people.

The judicial system shows different signs of weakness yet its system hasn’t been updated.

I coach one tangled in this system. Most days it’s unkind. Most days money is factor. Money ties to this service. Money means you can’t have this service. Money or cost means you can’t get something you need. Nobody can fix the system because it’s broken and robotic souls manage the chaos. 

The things I’ve seen in 2022 cause me great pause. Influential leaders covering their own ass at the expense of another. Those making examples of this or that instead of doing what’s right. So many people in general taken advantage of. So many trying to beat the system. The proverbial system. The system that sticks out likd a sore thumb.

I like to think I give enough in life to others to know karma is on my side. What about others? Where do they fall on the spectrum? Has the world changed so much in my 50 years that one’s self preservation rules over what’s right? Does money solve problems or create problems?

Each day I seem to walk through the mud of life. Some days the mud seems to be thick and heavy weighing me down. Some days it’s just annoying like a rainy day puddles in a field causing aggravation but not devastation. And then the days that the mud feels like it’s quicksand in disguise. If you don’t move fast enough you will be sucked in. I’m not alone. Many are on the struggle bus at various stages or phases of life.

Kids

Work

People

Family

Money

Politics

Religion 

These are just some of the the words that form a tangled web in which we must coexist. We live in a technology world much like the Jetsons cartoon yet our systems are still built on the foundations of the Wild West. Crazy but in my eyes it’s true.

I still have much more to write but this rant will be paused here. In the muck of it all. May this post allow you to reflect on you and what you do for others, for self, for the system or even how the system impacts you. Heck it was just 2020 when the system dictated everything for us thanks to corona. Did we learn anything? Did we make adjustments?