Tag: family

anonymous letters, friendship

Gone But Not Forgotten

2chicksandapen

I miss my best buddy. Every last little detail of our relationship.

The days at the gym seem lonely and just empty knowing you are not near. Our Wordle battle of the minds is now a checklist instead of a morning challenge.  The work days bring another level of hollow to my soul. I miss your goofy snaps. Losing that human connection is just as devastating.

Life is full of craziness. Life can keep you busy. Life can let you miss the fine details of how much your value the presence of an individual. When suddenly they are gone it hits you like a ton of bricks. Maybe even it feels like a Mack truck ran you over a couple of times. An unexplained weakness.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Take the pictures. Capture the smiles. Make the memories and do crazy shit while you can. Tomorrow is not guaranteed for anyone. Treasure today. It’s that simple. Luckily I have a photo reel but what about those who don’t?

I’m in a fog while I adjust to my new normal. It’s not much fun. It could be far worse I know. For now I breathe deeply as I give myself grace. I close my eyes and hope for peace around my valued circle. Then I cling to hope that one day I’ll be back to funny snaps, silly photos and adventures. It may look different when that time comes but I’ll hold on to the hope of it all.

One day.

Some day.

Not today.

That day is not today. That day is someday. Hope tells me it’s one day.

As I reflect on my loss I reflect at the same time on what I still have. How to show appreciation for what is in front of me. What I can control. The rest of my energy will seek hope for that day on the horizon.

As an Irish girl on St. Patrick’s Day, I’ll try to find luck today to offset the sadness. Not sure a scratch card will do the trick so maybe toast or shot will be a better honor for my buddy that I miss.

author moments

Cel-e-brate

2chicksandapen

The unexpected happened. I was completely and utterly surprised by my mini.

She wrote something extremely genuine to a friend in need. If I could have written it myself I wouldn’t have changed a word. I had that “oh wow” moment. I did something right! She does listen. I’m really not talking to a teenage wall.

I am celebrating in my mind. In my body. As a mother many days go by when you have a thankless job. Too many actually. This one day made up for the 100 crappy days before.

For today I will take a deep breath and feel the joy associated with this moment. This writing helped a dear friend over a life hurdle. My cup is overflowing in joy for her. For me. For the receiving party.

Now on to the day to see what doom or gloom comes my way. No matter what my heart is full from this one little moment. The moment of words. The wisdom of words. The power of words whether written or spoken. 

challenges

Wordle Sucks

2chicksandapen

I love a good word search. I love a clever word. I enjoyed Wheel of Fortune when I was a kid. I even like Scrabble. I generally like words, but my word depth is average at best. Now my writing partner is more of a word wizard. The one who knows all the words and their meaning in the English language. Me not so much.

About 15 days ago my word wisdom was tangled with my writings not with games.

Enter the stupid game of Wordle that I now play daily because I’m a bit neurotic. Yes, my oldest man child tossed me to the wolves on day one with the introduction. Didn’t really go over the rules but I muddled through it. I felt like I was playing Wheel of Fortune minus the fortune. He said he does it first thing in the morning to stimulate his mind. Okay, I said I will give that a try. I think he tricked me.

Those who know me, understand how much I dislike phone games. However, this was a way to stimulate my mind and enhance my word library possibly or that was how he pitched it. I fell for it. Well, I don’t have time to stare at a screen and get angry especially at the beginning of each day. This is mainly why I don’t turn on the news. 

Wordle has sucked me in and if I forget to Wordle I get that text reminder from 1 of 3 pals. It’s either a success or failure text. That sparks my curiosity. I have to try. Then when I complain about them contributing to my delinquency I get this.

Gal pal text:

It’s not a waste. You’re using brain power.

My reply:

I will add your commentary to my blog post. Input sarcasm.

The smarty pants friend chimes in:

I tell my students if they spend their days only doing things that are easy they aren’t growing much. Productive struggle is worth it.

Me:

Begins to pout silently.

Here I am about 15 days later scratching my head at why do I torture myself on the daily. Today was the same five letters and I had the last three. Sitting at the kitchen table on a rainy day. I actually went old school and took out my paper to eliminate options and I couldn’t see it. I knew it was obvious but just could get it. I had to put it aside and circle back.

I asked a family member if they could see the word and they said yes. Boy did that irritate me. Don’t give me any hints. I stewed and stewed. Giant. Grant. Plant. None of which would be correct. R wasn’t in the word bank. L wasn’t in the word bank. I wasn’t available. Stupid game. Stupid me. Why oh why do I continue.

Chant was the word. As annoying as it was, it was done. Now I will rise again tomorrow to start again. The madness. The annoyance. The challenge. The awaking. The brilliance. I am sure I will chant over and over how stupid this game is. 

Do you Wordle? Do you get frustrated? Who put you on the Wordle path? If you are not on it, I hope this post triggers you to try it. May you become as addicted to Wordle as me. I mean there could be worst things to be addicted to, right?

Wordle now makes me think of words differently. It’s also funny how Wordle makes it’s way into my writings. I guess we will categorize this as current events, the word edition since Wordle is all the hype at the moment.

adventure, friendship

Biloxi, Mississippi

2chicksandapen

The stage is set for Biloxi, MS in spring of 2022. The first official road trip booked for the RV but who knows if it will actually be the first trip actually taken in it. Yes that is a mouthful but so true. Seeing that I am spontaneous I may opt for another quick getaway before I adventure to Biloxi.

No matter what trip I choose and when, I’m hoping for a positive experience but it could be a shit show/learning experience. The preparations have been in the works for some time, thus I can only hope we are really ready to tackle our new travel lifestyle with ease. If hope doesn’t work out then I will try to exercise patience and show grace as needed. 

Practice makes perfect, they say. Well we are practicing as much as we can before we extend our travels outside of 8 hours from home base. I’ll be holding my breath to avoid flat tires. I’ll be crossing my fingers that I don’t forget to pack a vital item. I’ll be positive in dealing with emotions of others in confined space. I’ll be thankful my dogs get to be roadies, but hoping they can hang like champs.

New cities.

New mode of transportation.

New adventures for me and my travel mates.

New memories to catalog in the photo reel.

Let the journey to the unknowns begin. Let the travel mates enjoy the experiences that are cast upon them. Let me live many days to enjoy the sunrises and sunsets with everything I can squeeze in between. 2022 travels are underway. Where will I go?  How many states will I park in overnight? How many states will I pass through? Which destinations will I choose to blog about? 

Cheers to adventuring.

author moments, family

Got Wheels Will Travel

2chicksandapen

Ah, to be sixteen again. Fresh wheels. Gas in the tank. No “have tos” as it’s the weekend. Where to go. Who to see. Back. Forth. Back and forth. Back again. Around again and again.

This about sums up the life of my youngest. Fridays mean off with friends. Time to blow off steam. Sleep in Saturday as it was a long week (in teenager eyes). Need to rest the mind and the body.

Mid-day rise on Saturday. Nothing on the calendar so off she goes. Zoom. Zoom. Here, there, everywhere. An errand. A drop off. A visit with a friend. Some food. Back to home base for a quick change. Evening plans are in motion. 

Off again. Social life calls. Sleepover calls name. I must. I must. Snuggle up Sunday is here. Lazy time thanks to the busy go-go-go that began Friday. A few chores, a quick favor for another, a car wash, a pick up at a friend’s. Zoom. Zoom.

5pm hits. Dinner time is approaching. Maybe it’s time to see the teen for a few minutes and share a meal. Maybe some conversation or maybe not. Head phones. Social media. Homework. Prep for the week is now here.

Where did the time go? Once a teen gets a set of wheels or gets independent by way of driving, relationships change. Mommas are no longer needed. Well they are needed but not in the same way. It’s beautiful to watch but it’s sad at the same time. The time you once spent together is now replaced with time with others.

When it’s your youngest or last it hits a little harder. Empty nest syndrome is near in sight. You look for opportunities to savor the time that remains before college or adulthood. Once the 18 number hits your value fades. You are needed but not as much as the sisterhood of a sorority, of a sports team, or a love interest.

The relationship in my mind drifts until 26 years of age. At this point the need resurfaces. Maybe for financial guidance. Maybe for grandparenting time. Maybe for help of some sort. Whatever the reason it’s a long wait.

I think my favorite age of kids is 8-11 years. Fun to play with. Old enough to listen. Not too much sass talking. And overall it’s a time they still need you. To get here or there. To buy this or that. For food. And so on.

Parenting doesn’t have a rule book. It’s expensive to say the least. It’s full of memories, both good and bad. Parenting shows your flaws as well as your strengths in your offspring. That might be the hardest part of parenting. Looking in the mirror.

Seeing the stubbornness.

Seeing the attitude.

Living with a mini version of oneself.

I still wouldn’t change it for the world but I do miss the favorite age I mentioned above. I have three kids in three different stages. They all give me joy, stress, and aw shit moments. For this rant I’m just putting it on paper. A way of confirming what life is for me now.