Tag: mental health

author moments

Fact or Fiction

2chicksandapen

True or false.

Real or fake.

Is the story based on facts or fiction?

Is the story real or fake?

Is this statement true or false?

We all buy books at some point and read stories to learn about characters and plots. Some stories have truths while others are made up. Most are a mix of the two. We all watch movies and the same can be true of movies. Plots thicken. Audiences want more. Sometimes there are cliffhangers. Sometimes a series is anticipated. Some have lies. Some have truths. Some exaggerations to keep them wanting more.

Today I sit and think about life. What if somebody told a story about me. What if it was full of false statements. Would my friends and family believe me or the storyteller? If my story became a book where would the story line end? Happily ever after or more like branded for life in solidarity due to lies or mistruths? If my story was a movie, would there be a cliffhanger at the end? Would it become a series?

So much to think about. Lucky for me I don’t have any stories floating around that would be newsworthy, but what if did? Would I want passers by to be judge and jury? Would I want my story on the front page of the newspaper? I don’t think so. I don’t think anybody really would want such a spectacle made of them.

What if it happened to a business?  Maybe a bitter employee sought to tear a local business apart. Maybe an estranged family member planted a story. What if they called the news.  Secret cameras and a setup. People would speculate…stare in church and at the supermarket.  The neighbors whisper. With so many people seemingly angry at each other all the time, is it all that far fetched? With technology to create photos and data, can we tell if something is real? Is it fake? Could it happen to you?

I recently followed the Gwyneth Paltrow trial relating to a ski accident years ago. I was intrigued since I visited Utah this past winter and observed the ski life of many. The outcome was good for her but how did the other party feel? How did he feel during the trial? How does he feel after? Would he do anything different? I think about the same for Gwyneth. All in all it’s yesterdays news and although the news will fade those lives are forever impacted for better or worse. I have to note that my favorite part of the trial was Gwyneth sporting her Jeffrey Dahmer glasses. Classic style points to her.

As we flip the page from celebrity news we can see a past president facing charges in yet another spectacle for all to view under a microscope in the headlines. Will there be true or false statements circulated? Maybe both.  Now how many other people are subject to the public microscope that are not famous? How many have to deal with lies or fabricated stories? How are their lives altered?

What actually makes a story a headline? What makes a story one that garners public interest? Does there need to be death and carnage? Does there need to be a victim? Most good guy stories never see see the news. They never garner the attention of others. Does it make the story any less important? Does the public really relish on the the misfortunes of others? If you watch the news daily I would say yes.

I generally don’t watch the news. I generally don’t know what the big headline is. It usually doesn’t pertain to me. It won’t make my day better or worse. Oddly enough I know many who tune in daily to news to report it to others. Most time opinions are included. Where do you fall in the spectrum?

balance

She Said It

2chicksandapen

She typed it first.

Then she said it.

It was a compliment.

It wasn’t forced.

It was genuine.

My cheeks lit up a bit.

I was so happy to hear that I made an impact. I wasn’t trying to. Rather I was just being me. Being me was glorified by public appeal in an unexpected age group. How fabulous. A compliment from a young one. A growing one.

Just when I think there is no hope for the next generation, I get a glimpse of what can be. I then remember it’s the small seeds we plant. It’s the lessons lived. The opportunities given that will shape a person. I’m going to keep doing me. Many may judge but the one that matters most appreciates. I’m going to remain hopeful that one good outweighs the 10 struggles. 

This small footnote in my day will be long remembered. Cherished. How one little thing can mean so much to another. What can you do today to lift up another? Or maybe the question is how easily can you tear down another? What do you choose today?

For me I think I have the power in many instances to tear down another. I don’t do it often or if I do it’s not intentional, but sometimes it is. A form of self-preservation. Keeping with this thought we can all be doormats at some point in time. Sometimes it’s front and center as in your immediate family. They can be the worst. Taking for granted how special you are.

I believe that’s when it hurts the most. I’ve lived both sides of the equation. For me I savor the footnotes at the beginning of the post otherwise my days would be long and grueling if I focused on the latter.

You see people are ugly most days. Not always intentional but it happens. We still choose our reaction to the sourness. Sometimes you bark back. Sometimes you walk away. Sometimes you take it. Ultimately you decide. You live with the level of acceptance you desire for your self and others.

Some times I draw lines firmly. Other times I’m soft given variables in others. Recently I reset 100% because of a person who riled me up. I often think of the values I grew up with and how they have disciplined me for today and beyond. I think I instilled the same in my kids yet environments can skew your teachings. School influences. Internet options. Young teachers vs. tenured providing guidance when you are not near. Do-gooders in the world meddling based on what they see vs whole picture. Jaded views. 

In my early years I played outside more. I learned through self-discovery but in a more closed environment. I was very fortunate in my experiences yet sheltered in comparison to today. Cell phones. Distractions. So many variables. My views were tainted to the time I grew up in. My views were less worldly. Less public. Less stressful.

All in all grace is grace. Sometimes people need more grace than others. Sometimes we have to hold onto the one good to balance the 10 lessons one is learning. Growing up today is so much different than when I growing up.

I must remind myself of this often to savor the joy and focus less on differences.

For this post goes round and round but I hope that some words may have you reflect on your surroundings. What can be different. What can cause chaos. What role you can play to ease the stress of others.

Just a thought post.

challenges, travel

Southwest Shitshow

2chicksandapen

Today I am flying across country. From one cold front to another. Snow coverings to celebrate a white Christmas this year and frigid temps that call for warm blankets and toasty fires on the home front with my puppies. A welcome I gladly await but sadly have postponed it thanks to Southwest Airlines and their poor service.

I had been magically flying just above the clouds somewhere on the way to Denver, Colorado. It was a peaceful time of reflection. I was thinking of all the people I have in my life that are amazing yet missing those who aren’t with me this holiday season. As I was flying high I felt the presence of those I miss this year. It was almost like the clouds had names of loved ones gone too soon. At this point in the day there was a calm in the air. Not a worry in the world and I was looking forward to being home.

After landing in Denver, the trip home became a little more complex. Staffing shortages for Southwest Airlines were spiraling out of control for days and today things were supposed to be back on track. That was false. Insanity was lurking everywhere. Crying people everywhere. Cops patrolling gates which is not normal. Emotional outbursts at counters. Lines for days at every Southwest counter yet no supervisors in sight and guess what corporate is closed for the holiday!

The backlog and staff shortages caused rippling effects across the county but Denver was one of the most hard hit. The airline swears it was not poor planning on their part rather storm related issues but I beg to disagree. Plane after plane delayed or cancelled waiting on flight attendants to show up to staff a flight or pilots running out of time due to long delays and federal regulations. I have never seen planes sitting at a gate for hours waiting for staff to load the hundreds of people waiting to get on the plane. Most gates had no attendants either because all those who showed up for work didn’t appreciate the hounding of those waiting for a human to give an update.

Fast forward: many hours sitting and being shuffled gate to gate only to watch planes sit idle or get unloaded due to no staff, incomplete flight crew, or in my case over time limit pilots. It was pure insanity and I was in the midst of it. Then finally we load onto a plane at 8:45 pm and sit for over and hour. Babies crying. People getting anxious of why the plane hasn’t moved. The list goes on and on. Then they take us off the plane because the pilots are under the federal guidelines but their union contracts says they can’t fly. Oh the crowd went wild. Anger was written on many faces while tears well up in the eyes of tired and hungry kids. No hand out of water or blankets for those forced to sleep in the airport. No hotel voucher. Nothing. Just a long line to wait to be rebooked on the computers they kept crashing due to overload of resources. An absolute shit show. The picture above shows the length of every line at every Southwest kiosk. The wait was hours long.

Most rebook options were 2 days out at best, but my case was 12/31 some 6 days later with no access to my bag and no accommodations. Sounds amazing right?

That means you are stranded with no access to bags. Many in tears due to holiday gifts being in their checked bags. No options. Many just stuck. Some elderly couples were in disarray not knowing how to operate the internet swiftly or an app. It was unsettling to watch as folks crumbled around me. A young couple had tickets to Disneyland for first time with young kids and they wouldn’t get that money back or get the experience they had planned. 

I have never experienced such chaos in an airport. Southwest had people stranded for days. My inconvenience seemed minimal in comparison to those traveling with small children or even animals. I heard so many kids crying that just wanted to see Grandma or Grandpa for Christmas. It was awful. Now flip the script to other airlines. They are still flying and the chaos seems mild in comparison despite other airlines taking all the rebooks from Southwest’s incompetence.

In my case it cost me another $1,500 to get home and I had to split up with my child to even make that happen. I had to spent the night in an airport and I had no luggage or hygiene items. By the time I got off my cancelled flight no food places were open. Stores were closed for even water. I will definitely rethink my carryon accessories in the future to prepare for airport Armageddon. When I finally boarded my Delta flight Santa had delivered goodies to all their passengers. Mini stockings full of candy. What a treat and what amazing service. Southwest didn’t even give a bottle a water or blanket to those stranded. What an irony.

Signing off a little sleep deprived. A little annoyed. Most definitely disappointed in Southwest Airlines customer service. 4 hours to wait by phone. An app that crashed. Terminals frozen at the airport. Disconnects on phone and so on. Delta will get my money in the future even if it’s more expensive. Delta even gave out mini stocking goody bags to its passengers on my rebooked flight. So crazy.

I will pick up this with the how to get my bags from Southwest in the coming days.

author moments, awareness, challenges

It’s Been A Week

2chicksandapen

This week is one for the record books. 

So much to do in my own day-to-day life. The normal tasks. The one-off tasks. The fitness regimen. The community service. The people time. Travel. Life a-z. Then a boom hits. A real shocker nobody could ever plan for. Indirect connection. Direct connection. Neither matters when the boom is so hard the shock wave spirals for miles and miles. That’s what happen when a child dies that is interwoven in communities near and far due to school, church and sports connections.

My community is mourning the loss of a young girl. The day-to-day life seems insignificant yet life continues for our family. A guilt one should not want to feel. As a coach of young girls, I check in on social media. I text. I watch. I have to keep an eye out. I see so much hurt. I check in with other parents to see how grief is setting in on their home front. I see sadness on faces that normally boast bright smiles. I see prayer groups running non stop. Everyone is trying to get by with a little help from……

God

The community

Family

Friends

Loved ones

Many are holding on to cherished memories. Many are wondering why they didn’t get to say goodbye. Others are thinking why did I not do this or maybe why did I say that. When loss hits without warning so many raw emotions are stirred up. Time has become a thief. Time is no longer an option with that person. The loss of not doing is what is so hard.

Healing has begun for this community in some ways. No one will really ever understand the why behind this incident. None of us will really be exactly the same. Some kids will learn lessons and some will sit in the darkness for many reasons. Life is full of experiences and unfortunately death is one of them. Living through loss is where growth can happen even if it’s extremely hard in the moment. I’m learning how to be a better parent for example. I’m learning how to talk more deeply with other parents on how they are handling this type of grief and/or teaching moments.

I am however not passing judgment on the young girl. I am not passing judgment on the others involved. It’s not my place. It’s also not for me to decide who was in the wrong. My job is to be patient. To learn. To love. To be present. That’s it. Just a support role. A support for whomever needs it. When they need it. Today. Tomorrow. A year from now.

I will think of the color blue a little differently now. The baby blue hue that is a memory of her bright light on the world. A soft color to represent an angel in the distance. May her new journey be one that allows her to soar among the powdery blue skies. 

As one is set to be layed to rest. I pause. I reflect on my choices. My guidance to my kids. This could be me. This could be you. This tragedy can happen in your community. Teens are not invincible despite their beliefs. It’s great to feel invincible but we all know as adults how dangerous feeling invincible can be. For now I’m one of the lucky ones. I get to hug my teen. I get to continue the process of looking at colleges. I get to support my teen during this grief.

My heart goes out to the parents who don’t have that ability any longer. My strength goes out to the families whose children’s lives were spared that night. For they feel a different kind of grief and relief and guilt. My resilience is going out to the family of the one who ultimately has to face the legal system for this unfortunate situation. Another angle of this dilemma many may forget about but one that is equally challenging. Families will hurt for years to come. 

As I close my eyes to drift into a peaceful state I say a quiet prayer for all. Everyone needs something. May peace be granted to all in the ways that each needs for healing. I am also praying for healing of all involved in the other teen incidents that just happened to occur close by in the past few weeks as well.

The teen shot leaving school.

The teen stabbed with a box cutter in the school bathroom.

The football player gunned down at the mall.

Signing off as a lucky mom today. Heartbroken for the kids and families impacted by these tragedies. May this be a reminder that we as parents are not invincible. We can all be faced with that uncertainty one day. Stay humble. Be kind. Do what you can to help others. You may need the support one day.

challenges, mental health

A Tragedy

2chicksandapen

It was spooky season. Fall in the air. Football on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It’s fall y’all. In the south fall is intertwined with football, cheerleading and tailgates. Fall is fun with friends this time of year. Sometimes too much fun. Sometimes the fun clouds our judgement.

This spooky season tragedy hit too close to home. A beautiful girl. A kind spirit. A smile to light up the room. A friend to many. A good one gone too soon. A community left distraught. So much lost in an instant. One who will never make it to graduation. Such a loss for her family and friends.

One decision ended in tragedy. One momentary lapse in judgment. We all have them but many don’t understand that choices can have devastating consequences. This hits less than a year after another young life was lost in the same community. Different circumstances yet same outcome. A young life was lost. Just barely 16.

Some of the same kids are dealing with grief again. The same school system shocked. The same counselors rallying to support the young lives dealing with the chaos. Social media memory reals. So much to process. All the while life is expected to go on uninterrupted for many. Sadness lurks. Loss is ever so present. Death is not kind.

As you read this post, think of those you love. Cherish the moments. The memories. Take the pictures. Save the voicemails. Record the giggles. Don’t wait. Tomorrow may be too late. Also be aware of how loss lurks and impacts those around you. Check in on others often. Do your part. Ask questions. Be ready to listen and share in the burden of pain.

Make time for others. Choose empathy over sympathy. Be present with those who need support. Remind young lives of the importance of safety in and around vehicles. Seatbelt priorities. Number of kids in one vehicle. Driver experience. The list goes on and on.

Be cautious around holidays when many celebrations take place. Being alert on the roadways can be a life saver. Parents make sure your kids have lifelines to reach out to in case of an emergency. Consider location tracking even if your teen feels it’s a violation of their privacy. Keep communications open.

High school.

College.

Young adulthood.

It’s all the same for parents. A parent will always worry. It’s because just one tragedy could be their life sentence without their loved one. One day at a time is all we really have. Live your life to the fullest. Every day.

Pray for the community, family and friends of this young girl. Now and in the future. Sadness is hovering on my home front. It tears me up but only time can help feelings settle. A new normal. All I can do is support and help process the loss. Not an easy task with a teen.