Tag: learning

awareness, challenges

Divorce

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The D word. The word many find impolite. The word many hide from talking about. I suppose that is why I decided to blog about the topic.

In life the word divorce comes up a lot. I think the latest stat shows 44% per google for 2022 referring to marriages that end in divorce. Keeping with this it’s healthy to talk about it. It might also take time for those getting divorced to process and work through the life changes.

In any situation many have to weigh pros and cons. Dividing wealth. Separating living spaces. Was infidelity involved? Are kids part of the equation? Was there a trigger that caused the road leading to divorce?

No matter where you start the process. No matter where you end up after the divorce. You will move on. You will prosper in time. You will find your way. You will be able to spread your wings again. I have hope for you. I have hope for your soon to be ex-partner.

Difficult roads are ahead but in time the path will clear for both of you. Strength, resilience, and positive attitudes will help ease the heartaches and headaches as you move through these uncharted grounds.

To all those out there starting this process, amidst the chaos of divorce, living the aftermath, or even co-parenting. I see you pushing forward. I see you making strides. Never give up. There is a place for you in this world even on your darkest day.

Should you know somebody struggling in this area be a good listener. Never cast judgment until you have officially walked a day in their shoes. Which of course is impossible. Be that person they remember that loved them when they didn’t love themselves the way they should.

Make the D word more about your growth than your past. Your past is something you learn from your destiny still lies ahead. The future for you is brighter than you know.

adventure

Pacific Northwest Take One

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There was a thought of heading west. The conclusion was no. We shall wait a few months. The conversation arose again just before just before the 21- and 14- day advanced flight deadlines would pass. The hemming and hawing began. Yes. No. Maybe. No. For sure no.

Fast forward to a random conversation on a trip with friends. You know I really should go. I didn’t think I needed to go, but I now know it’s time to go. I didn’t hesitate. I just booked the trip. No looking back. Five days to prep. Lots of schedules to adjust. Appointments to reschedule.  Favors to call in. Just to do something spectacular. An opportunity that won’t pop up again. Off we went to hit the Pacific Northwest on a whim.

We grabbed a friend for a travel buddy. Freshened up the contents of the suitcases. Scurried onto to the airport. Smiles galore. A notebook full of fun adventures to squeeze in while in the grand state of Oregon. So much exploring on the horizon.

Took in some beautiful river scenery while biking in Eugene, Oregon. Through this experience we learned it’s faster to move around town by bike because you avoid all the one-way roads. The biking options, trails and city-friendly atmosphere is amazing. I thought I enjoyed the Pinellas Trail in Florida however this was even better. If you head out west, definitely take a stop in track town. So many paths to choose. So much to see.

My flight landed in Portland, Oregon where I had a chance to eat a quick bite at Cartopia. An interesting little pod of food providers in the city. Interesting setting. Food was good. Just an overall fun and quirky experience to fit into the trip. The down side of Portland was all the homeless. From tent camps to tents on the sidewalk. There just seemed to be the largest concentration of homelessness I’ve ever witnessed. Sad to see and think about the stories of how each became a street dweller. I will never know however I was curious. I should mention the drive from Portland to Eugene is less than noteworthy. Boring would be the word that seems to describe it best.

The photo above is a glimpse of my AirBnb. A cute 2 bed/2 bath unit set in a residential area. Close to the river. Close to the bike paths. Close to the college: just close to all things relevant for my stay. The vibe was amazing. The history of where the neat pieces inside came from added to its appeal. A cool door from an old barn. Reclaimed wood. Doors that were once windows.

There were even a few extra touches that I didn’t expect. The book on local trails by a teacher at the university. The picture book about the history of roadie life in make shift campers. Just a few oddities to add flavor to the overall experience.

Conveyor belt sushi was fun in town. The patisserie offered a sweet treat one afternoon. An eclectic sandwich shop filled our bellies on bike day. Oddly enough no good steak places were in this town. Without steak we opted for a boat-to-table seafood market restaurant. Definitely a staple in the area as it was always crowded and the food was good. We even went twice!

I can’t cram all of my experiences into one post but I will leave this as where my Pacific Northwest adventures began. If I’m feeling fancy I will write again on my coastal experiences that are on the horizon. And will that I will leave you with an amazing sunset photo from my travels.

nature

Storm Watching

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I spent a few hours storm watching on a recent trip. It wasn’t planned but I ended up enjoying it enough to write about it.

It all started when I was at the beach. Friends and I were bickering back and forth on whether the rain was coming or not. One side was super clear skies while the other side looked like a nasty storm was brewing. The weather app was not showing either view throwing logic out the window.

Back at the vacation spot we sat and watched the clouds in the distance. We heard sounds of thunder near and far. We felt the breeze pick up then die down. We saw single lightning strikes in the distance then flashes that lit up the sky. It was almost like fireworks in the late afternoon but not a drop of rain.

We moved on to a stroll in town before heading back to the beach for sunset views. More strange clouds appeared and almost looked fake. The heavens were about to open up. Our stroll was cut short. Ice cream may have fallen on the ground in the scurry to the car. A sad face appeared after getting wet and dropping the freshly scooped favorite ice cream. Somehow the frown turned upside down.

Back again to the vacation spot to see the sky and a glimpse of sunset. It ended up being amazing. The sunset was different and reflected perfectly off the water. The reflection along with my burning candle made the moment a view to remember with the sweet aroma of my candle floating in the background.

A short distance away on the pier there was another view to admire. As the darkness of night fell the glow of the lights under the dock shined green. The water had a glow. The sky was full of random clouds by now. The sky was painting its own Picasso image tonight. Just breathtaking.

The sky lit up in the distance again. I had tried so hard earlier to capture the flickering lights in the sky or the single bolts of lightening to no avail. Then finally the perfect moment appeared in the distance. The strike was finally captured in the perfect setting.

When you see the beauty of the photos and hear the story I wrote, it is my hope that you feel the experience the same way I did.

Nature is amazing. The sights. The sounds. The smells. When you can immerse yourself in a moment or day outdoors you can feel a different kind of being alive. A true immersion therapy of sorts. Refreshing the soul. The mind. 

balance

Road Bike Ramblings

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Checked the tires. Helmet on. Out before dawn.

A pre-sunrise neighborhood bike ride was on the docket. Thirty minutes. Easy peasy. Just cruising to get the blood flowing early on a Sunday.

I live at the top of a hill. So the very first thing I get to do is fly. Fly down the hill, wind in my face, breathing deep. Yes, all you Safety Susies, I left my Airpods at home so I could pay closer attention to any traffic at the early hour. As a side benefit I also enjoyed the sounds of the crickets. The frogs. The quiet of morning. A line from a poem came to mind…”to be the only one awake in a house wrapped in sleep.” There is a special peace in that (and maybe a few giggles thinking how many safety cameras I was tripping off.)

Once the wind hit my face on that downhill I remembered how much I love my road bike. Just getting going on it makes me smile but flying down a hill is such a special feeling of freedom. So it makes no sense that I don’t ride more often. I only get out once a month or so. I keep saying I am going to do a triathlon this year. But I realized I am in a mode where the distance between what I say I want to do and what I actually do is great. I want to slim down to feel better but I don’t adjust my nutrition to achieve that. I want to write more but don’t take the time. I want to express gratitude to people who have helped me but the thank you cards still sit in their wrapper. Something I thought about as I rolled under the streetlamps.

Back to biking…I have been doing an endurance program at the gym once a week on a stationary bike. It’s been good for my pacing and endurance control. I tell myself it’s triathlon training. But it doesn’t replace time on an actual road on a bike.

When it comes to the road bike, I hate the uphills. I fumble with the gears trying to make my legs hurt less. My neighborhood is basically all hills of various lengths and gradients. (This is one reason why I sometimes don’t get on my road bike. It takes time and effort to transport it to a flat course.) But as I was riding this morning, I embraced the hills. I took my time getting up them. I sat with the pain instead of resisting it. And then, I enjoyed the coast down the other side. The reward for the work. The time to breathe.

I thought about many friends who I know are facing that big hill in their lives. With a job. With a family member. With a relationship. With themselves. They don’t want to climb it. They would rather go around or just stay put. (This is me, too! In more areas than I’ve even shared.) The only way to get that feeling of freedom is to do the work of getting up the hill. Some times of life are just smooth effort, puttering along on the flats, enjoying the scenery. But exhilaration, the relief, the satisfaction of wind at my face comes after I’ve pushed myself through a challenge. Time to summit the hills I’ve just been staring down, hoping they will disappear. I have been given these mountains to show they can be moved, as they say. Or, so that I can enjoy the beauty and freedom of the other side.

anonymous letters, awareness

Crazy Train

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Whoot! Whoot!

The crazy train has arrived. 

This special little train has arrived in your community. Who is on the train? Who is talking about this? Who isn’t talking about it?

Is this scenario real or is it fake news? This story simulates a real life drama you see on television but you are starring in the grand show. What on earth am I about to share with you? I am talking about a helicopter parent dropping her bat shit craziness literally on your door step. Yes this happens more than people want to admit. I don’t have any idea why either nor do I want to speculate.

My story is based on events this week in a suburb of a major metropolitan city. A mom literally lost her marbles and went rogue when her child didn’t win a coveted county athletic award. I kid you not, she lost her ability to see how silly her actions were and how her negative behavior could scar those connected to her, including her child. 

I was in shock. I was awe struck. My mouth might have been left wide open at one point. A helicopter parent actually created a fictitious award for her high school athlete who did NOT earn her own award. That’s right folks. A parent created a phony award. The woman went to the highest extent to recognize and celebrate her child in the most bizarre fashion. Colored graphics, high resolution photos, prior coach recommendations, prior teammate validation from across town, fancy words describing her athletic prowess, good sportsmanship, and so on. So much effort was put into this award that wasn’t earned. The award was a parental masterpiece in their mind. A mere joke to others. Of course I can’t post the actual award as it would be insensitive to the child.

The helicopter mom even went as far as posting online on the day peers received awards at an actual banquet where athletes received their own merit award as voted upon by other area coaches. The helicopter parent posted this self-proclaimed award on social media for the community to see. For the entire community to see her overshadow those who actually won an award fair and square. And if that wasn’t enough she blamed the coach for overlooking her child publicly. The helicopter parent didn’t care who’s reputation she tarnished.

This was funny since it’s other coaches who vote, not the actual coach of the home team the kid plays on. Can anyone say meddling helicopter parent? Have you ever encountered this kind of crazy train in your local community? I wish I could go back to my childhood and see if such behavior ever existed around me. I don’t recall.

In the good old days, I played sports for fun. I spent many hours a day outside playing. I spent my summers at the park learning fundamentals in many sports as part of the youth recreation program. We had pick up games. We won and lost but nobody ever complained. Never once would a parent pick a fight with a kid or cause a ruckus over child’s play. It simply wasn’t important.

High school athletics is more competitive. It was then and it is now. Parents were proud back in the day but they didn’t fight their kids’ battles. College athletics is the same as well. It’s the athletes that put in work not the birth givers. Therefore it’s the athletes that earn their spot on the field or their play time and of course their award. It’s their name on the plaque not the birth givers. No parent should have the ability to influence their child’s place on a team in a competitive sport when one reaches high school. It’s absurd. It’s not fair. It doesn’t teach the athlete to compete. It teaches them how to complain to win. It’s bullying.

Let’s dial back to mental health for a moment. What benefit can a parent receive from their child receiving a coveted award that is not earned? Does it fulfill a void from their childhood? Does it win loyal friendships for their child? Does it gain confidence among coaches and peer athletes? I seriously doubt it. 

What I don’t doubt is that it will create a backlash. A derailed train. The child becomes at risk. Said child can be made fun of. Said child can become depressed and withdrawn. Said child can be angry and retaliate as they learned such a skill from their parent, all of which leads to challenges that may not be able to be reversed. This could also create scars that are not physically visible. This could lead the child to suffer in silence. Was the mock award worth it? I doubt it.

As a parent we need to just do better. Kids today are already under pressure due to today’s social norms. These kids don’t need parents adding strain to their already stressful life that is pretty much available 24/7/365 online.

Twitter, Instagram, facebook, group chats, instant messengers, etc are all outlets young adults use to share information. If you don’t want your story on the front page of the news, don’t post it online. It’s that simple.

I know when I post on this blog site not everyone will like what I post. It is okay. There may be some that benefit from my rants. I unfortunately can’t share the outcome of this crazy train as it makes frequent stops in the general community I may or may not call home or homebase. One day it may be your house. Another day it may be a friend’s house. Next week it’s the newbie’s house. Sooner or later the crazy train runs out of stops.

At that point the train parks itself or fixates itself on one poor soul. The train is set for the long haul. Behaviors escalate and those around get scared. What’s next.  A shooting? A fist fight? A shift to private school from public? I don’t have the answers.

What I can say is hard work pays off. Those who fail should work hard to get noticed the next time around. They should ask a coach what should they do in the off season to see success in the future. Display resilience. Be eager to show one’s worth. Don’t run to a birth giver and ask for recognition. An athlete has to be mentally and physically tough. They need to have the ability to push through the hard stuff. Sometimes the hard stuff comes daily.

If one was in the NFL and made a mistake there is a consequence. You get fired, fined or relocated. Your birth giver wouldn’t be able to fight your battles. I could write a whole book on the subject of parents and entitlements. Kids today need to learn to problem solve on their own.

A teacher isn’t going to change the kid’s report card if they fail their class. That’s unheard of. The same principal should apply for awards. If you fail in a season a coach can’t be expected to give an award for less than stellar performance. 

Helicopter parents need to get a hobby. Take up knitting. Buy a coloring book. Find a way to entertain yourself that doesn’t involve living in your kids shoes. It will never work out well for you or your kid. PSA #404.

I would also refer back to “Lessons” post from back in May. It’s one worth rereading a couple times a year.