Tag: givers

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The Support Role

2chicksandapen

Recently I got a chance to reflect on a few variations of those in supportive roles and the value of such roles.

At my recent competition two families had young adults supporting their parents at the competition. They could have done other things but they instead chose the supportive role. It meant a lot to the participants and it reconfirmed the already strong bond between young adults/parents. The value of this support can’t be overlooked.

Then there was the photographer at the event. The unpaid position that captured amazing moments for many who couldn’t take their own photos because they were in action. This support role provided joy to some and a replay of efforts for those who like to take note of good or bad points in their performance. A job nobody really signs up for but everyone wants the benefits of.

The concession stand worker at the local sporting event. An unpaid job. One that takes a person away from maybe watching their own kid or socializing with other parents. The last job anyone really wants to volunteer for. Yet despite the lack of participation on the volunteer side, many are ready to buy, eat and complain if things are not perfect. Thus the concession stand volunteer is the unsung hero. The thankless support role.

The parent. The guide. The nuturerer. The lecturer. The disciplinarian. The enforcer. The constant support role. Despite the importance of the role, it’s probably the bottom of the food chain on any given day. The volunteer role that comes with no instructions. 

When I sit back and think about any support role, I think of thankless jobs. I think of how we should all be more grateful to others who give time to any support role. A coach, for example. The food pantry helper. The people who help put smiles on the faces of others because of the support they give.

Take a look at your day. Your week. Your environment. How many supporters do you have around you? Have you thanked them lately? Do you in turn support others?

I recently went to cheer on a friend for a tennis match. It was a new vantage point. For me as an observer, it was a fun time to just watch and cheer for another. It meant something to the person that asked me to attend and thus made the time worth it. Supporting others can can be rewarding for both parties. 

I think years ago I was less supportive as an individual than I am today. In time I have matured to focus on others before self. The fact that I write about this confirms my growth in this area. It also implies my intent to help others realize the benefits of supporting others. Give it a try. 

challenges

Make Today Count

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Life is full of emotions.

One day you feel amazingly accomplished. The next day you can feel deflated as if your world just crumbles beneath you. It’s life they say. How do you deal with the ups and downs of life?

A week doesn’t go by without the craziness of friend or family member in turmoil. Emotionally distraught. At wit’s end because of x, y or z. It can be hard to be the person to shoulder all this weight from many different angles and or people. Exhausting at times.

Tomorrow is a new day. Never let today’s worries weigh down your tomorrow. You have to be able to reset or your burden will continually grow until the weight can’t be carried further. This is normally where emotions are high and people say things they regret. It’s inevitable.

Do yourself a favor. Worry less about changing others and change how you react to negativity. You can control your attitude. Your actions. Your emotions. You can’t control those things in others no matter how much you try. 

I feel good today.

I felt good yesterday.

I felt good the day before.

Why? Because I wasn’t carrying the burden of others. I may have shared in the burden by listening to their challenges, but I didn’t carry the weight. I offered support. I will continue to offer support as much as I need but I won’t do the heavy lifting.

I’ve written about givers and takers in life before. I see it often. A good example is the friend who needs your shoulder often. You give it often. However there is never a return gesture. They never ask how you are doing. They never ask if you need anything. They talk but don’t listen. They take but don’t give. Most often these are the folks that carry the hefty mental and emotion burdens. Guilt. Hatred. Fear. Judgement. All of it.

I choose to start fresh. Not a care in the world each day. It may be for 5 minutes or 5 hours, but I start fresh. I make today count. I may not always do the things on the to do list. I do however find a way to do something on the ta da list. Sometimes planned. Sometimes not.

Start fresh.

Start again.

Don’t live with regrets.

Make today count.

Make today count for you because you only control you.

friendship

The Friend Zone, Part 1

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This post could go in many directions and maybe it will be a series, but for now you will get entry level friend zone, aka post one.

Conflicts: every friendship has conflict. No two people will ever see eye-to-eye on every subject every day.

Strength: the strength of a friendship can be defined by how conflicts are resolved. Are two parties able to sort through differences and find compromise or do friends divide because one side is too stubborn?

Diversity: friendship diversity is important in my world. No one friend can be a one stop shop for me. I need diversity. It’s part of my own self-development. I choose to surround myself with people who make me stronger, people who push my limits, people who I can help, people who I can lean on, and so on. Diversity ties into balance.

Balance: balancing friendships, families, conflicts, life, and so on may seem like a full time job some days. Having a diverse group of friends can be helpful. If you are struggling professionally, you may have a shoulder to lean on. If you are challenged on the home front, you may have a different friend to lean on. Balance has benefits.

Leaning back: when you lean on someone, trust builds. When your friend hits a bump in their road, your trust factor will help them feel comfortable to reach out to you in a time of need. Leaning is highly desirable in a friend circle and leaning should always be a give-and-take cycle to be healthy.

Non-competitive: friends that get it right are non-competitive. They don’t fight for stage presence. They coexist. They want the best for each other. Selfless behavior can be hard to come by. When you find this in a friend, hold it tight. It’s precious. And unfortunately you may have to weed through some bad friends to find the diamonds in the crowd.

Givers and takers: in life there are both givers and takers. Some may give big and some may give small. It doesn’t matter, you can easily spot a giver. Time, loyalty, and and a soul-satisfying sense of self when giving is present. A taker is one who takes advantage of a person over and over again, usually for self- promotion. This you can see from a distance if you pay attention, but it’s harder to see if you are in the muck of it on the daily.

Take a look at your friend circle. How does your circle stack up? Are you a giver or maybe a taker? Do you compromise or are you always in the right? Is balance and diversity important to you?

This post doesn’t necessarily represent any individuals in my circle. Rather, it’s general observations of the circles I have witnessed over time and their common denominators.

My posts are my thoughts and always up for interpretation. My hope for this post is that it makes you stop and think about your environment. Is it quality or quantity of friends that you value? Have you found your people? Do you have any missed friendships you should try to rekindle?

Until next time.