Tag: family

family, mental health

The Cruelest Month

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“April is the cruelest month.”

Maybe it is for T. S. Eliot. But for me, the cruelest month is July.

You might think I’d love July, really. It’s the heart of summer, and I am a teacher. Pool days and party nights, right? But these days, we go back to start a new school year in July, so the turn of the calendar brings a bit of dread. But even more so, July haunts me with bad memories.

It starts with the Tour de France, which usually kicks off in the first few days of July. The Tour was a big deal each year of my youth. Long before the days of streaming video, my dad and brother would get up in the middle of the night to watch the race. Throughout the month of July, it was always on in our house…if not the live stage, a recap or rerun or highlight show. Probably not surprisingly, I eventually developed a fascination with Lance Armstrong and the US Postal team (and the other teams he rode for.) Many a summer hour was spent watching the peloton float through the French countryside.

The family love for the Tour and its fanfare was eventually overshadowed by grief.

July is the month when I lost both of my parents. When I got the call that my mother’s short illness had ended, I had the Tour de France on my TV as I got ready to go over and sit at her bedside for my daily ritual. Four years later, the very same week, when I stood by my father’s bedside as he took his last breaths, the Tour de France was on the hospital TV.

These anniversaries are ones I carry in my heart. Some years I almost forget them. But then, more often than not, my heart gets heavy. Deep sighs erupt from out of the blue. Even when my brain is protecting me from sadness, my body remembers.

If only I could put a sign on my forehead….or pin a little note like Paddington Bear had: “July hurts. Take it easy on me.” Life doesn’t work like that. On any given day, plenty of people around me are suffering. When someone snaps at me for no reason, I have to assume their hearts are troubled for reasons that likely have little to do with me.

So I guess it’s no wonder when the Tour de France ads come on, my heart starts to sink. And most years it remains sunk through all the hard and sad anniversaries of July. The heat and heartache can sap whatever energy I have. It sneaks up on me sometimes, but when I remember I know to be patient with myself and just keep going. Eventually August will come.

challenges, fitness and nutrition

The Push

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One hour.

One movement.

One idea to consider.

Today’s workout was called The Push. One hour of sled pushes. I had to go to the gym for this one since I don’t have a sled at home. It had to be a day when I woke up awfully early. Also had to be a day when they weren’t using sleds in the class workout. All the conditions were met one early June morning. I loaded the sled up, didn’t really warm up, and just started the slow methodical pushing up and down the turf. Back. Forth. Back. Forth.

It didn’t take long until the ideas started to flow. I took a short break to grab a whiteboard and a pen to start capturing my thoughts.

The idea to think on during this workout is “in the face of…”. What can you push through?

In the face of….

In the face of….

All the adversity hit me every time I braced to push that sled. I didn’t even know how much it weighed altogether. I first started answering the “in the face of”s with I can statements, but that soon changed to “I am…” statements. About every fourth push I would stop to jot then get back to it.

In the face work of I am capable

In the face of challenge I am strong

In the face of boredom I am proactive

In the face of adversity I am grateful

In the face of scrutiny I am undaunted

In the face of doubt I am confident

In the face of fatigue I am resilient

In the face of distraction I am focused

In the face of overwhelm I am undeterred

In the face of heavy I am strong

In the face of confusion I am clear

In the face of exhaustion I am centered

In the face of impatience I am calm

In the face of change I am nimble

In the face of insurmount I am worthy

In the face of conformity I am unique

In the face of complacency I am willing

I am powerful. In control. Independent. Thankful.

I am a reservoir of all that I need.

So many times during long workouts I am trying to distract myself, tune out from the dcscomfort and pain. It was a challenge to tune in and use the monotony to try to make sense of things.

I can choose to focus on the positive and powerful. I can tune in to discomfort and use it as a tool. And in the face of obstacles, I can get things done. A beautiful reminder.

Uncategorized

The Support Role

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Recently I got a chance to reflect on a few variations of those in supportive roles and the value of such roles.

At my recent competition two families had young adults supporting their parents at the competition. They could have done other things but they instead chose the supportive role. It meant a lot to the participants and it reconfirmed the already strong bond between young adults/parents. The value of this support can’t be overlooked.

Then there was the photographer at the event. The unpaid position that captured amazing moments for many who couldn’t take their own photos because they were in action. This support role provided joy to some and a replay of efforts for those who like to take note of good or bad points in their performance. A job nobody really signs up for but everyone wants the benefits of.

The concession stand worker at the local sporting event. An unpaid job. One that takes a person away from maybe watching their own kid or socializing with other parents. The last job anyone really wants to volunteer for. Yet despite the lack of participation on the volunteer side, many are ready to buy, eat and complain if things are not perfect. Thus the concession stand volunteer is the unsung hero. The thankless support role.

The parent. The guide. The nuturerer. The lecturer. The disciplinarian. The enforcer. The constant support role. Despite the importance of the role, it’s probably the bottom of the food chain on any given day. The volunteer role that comes with no instructions. 

When I sit back and think about any support role, I think of thankless jobs. I think of how we should all be more grateful to others who give time to any support role. A coach, for example. The food pantry helper. The people who help put smiles on the faces of others because of the support they give.

Take a look at your day. Your week. Your environment. How many supporters do you have around you? Have you thanked them lately? Do you in turn support others?

I recently went to cheer on a friend for a tennis match. It was a new vantage point. For me as an observer, it was a fun time to just watch and cheer for another. It meant something to the person that asked me to attend and thus made the time worth it. Supporting others can can be rewarding for both parties. 

I think years ago I was less supportive as an individual than I am today. In time I have matured to focus on others before self. The fact that I write about this confirms my growth in this area. It also implies my intent to help others realize the benefits of supporting others. Give it a try. 

challenges

Vouch

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Imagine a tough set of circumstances land you in an unimaginable spot. You’re surrounded by challenges. Even lies. A smear campaign. What do you do? Who can you lean on?

Character. At the school where I work, we tell our students that character is what you do when no one is looking. When there is no one around, are you still who you say you are when others are listening? Do you do the right thing when no one will know or keep score?

I was recently reminded that character is also what you do every day when you are just living. It is how you show up in work and in life. Are you dependable? Are you honest? Respectful? Responsible?

Every day we are each establishing a track record. A pattern. From the moment we wake up until we lay our heads down at night. Every action matters. The old saying goes, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Sure, it’s not infallible and we all go through changes. But every day we are creating our path. Reinforcing who we are with what we do, what we say, and how we choose to spend our energies.

Think about the people closest to you. That may mean the people in your family. Or the people who spend the most time with, whether by choice or by force. How would you all describe one another? If someone had to give your eulogy, what would they say? If they had to complete a job recommendation, would they speak of you favorably? Are you living up to the ideals you set for yourself? If there was a line of people who spend a lot of time with you, how would they describe you? In a pinch, who would vouch for you?

Take a step back. Look at yourself. Your actions. Your choices. Even the little ones. Character is the accumulation of the everyday that becomes the picture of who we are. How will you be known and remembered?

family

Sunday Funday

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The light at the end of the tunnel. The journey to the tunnel and everything in between is what I call the fun spot. The cool adventure that I had with some special people in Andrews, North Carolina on a Sunday funday outing.

A rail ride. A little self-propelled. A little power assisted. Just a cute little concept that fuses new technology and old equipment creating a fun adventure for those willing to give it a go. A fairly simple concept or build out, but one you don’t see everywhere. On this day I traveled with my mom who is 83 years young. It’s harder for her to see the outdoors these days. Especially off the beaten path due to mobility issues as she ages. This ride was perfect for her but also for me.

The scents of the blooming flowers. The fresh cut grass. The various scenic views. The mist in air at times. The wind in your face. The sun beating on you between the trees: the experience of nature. Fast. Slow. Giggles galore. Many photos taken. Many memories made. Cow sightings. So much exploration packed into a two hour tour of 5 miles or so each way to the tunnel. We had the perfect weather. The best attitude for adventure. Great tour guides and railroad crossing guards.

A little break for a snack and exploring in the tunnel or by the stream. Such a fun experience to share. No detail was missed. If you are ever in Andrews, North Carolina I would definitely recommend this experience as a fun afternoon with family. Four to a cart. All physical abilities can make it work. That might be something I just find important to share. An enjoyable day away that meets the need of all abilities.

We planned ahead and packed a lunch for after our ride. It was a perfect ending to our outing. Munchies at a nearby picnic area. Set nicely by a stream with beautiful blooming flowers to add to the ambience. Two thumbs up for this girl. This is a family-owned business and they clearly take pride in their operation. Give them a look if you are in the area. Heck make it a day trip. 

This post is dedicated to the gorgeous lady in the black hat pictured above. For she turns 84 today. Glad she checked another adventure off the bucket list this year.