Last First or First Last

I’m in the last first or first last of many things with my youngest child. The caboose of the family. The last first hurdle to adulthood. The last year of high school. Life with a senior. The to-do list is so very long yet I feel like I will blink and the time will be gone. Memories will remain but the chaos I once enjoyed will now be all hers. Soaring solo or just without mom and dad. Why does it seem harder with a girl? With an athlete?

Last first trip of summer.

Last first flight for the season.

Last first summer tournament.

Last first parking lot adventure.

First last event.

First last adventure.

First summer job to juggle in the mix.

First of many solo flights to new places.

Last first trip to Baltimore, Maryland. I certainly won’t miss the rental car hub in this town. The long bus ride. The long lines. Just won’t mind missing this destination each summer. I’ll gladly trade this spot for a tropical paradise. That means as she finishes her last firsts, I begin to see how my new firsts will come to light without the have to’s of summers on the go with kids.

First of many goodbyes to players and families we have spent years traveling with. Those we even see at the events from other states. Some girls have trips that conflict with the hectic summer schedule. Some have changed their priorities from sports to other interests. Some have jobs that won’t give time off for travel. Most of the girls will go different ways their last year of high school and then to different colleges. Some may never really be social again. While others may be new besties. So many emotions. So many changes on the horizon. So interesting to observe.

Wrapping up one journey. Starting many new firsts as you end many last firsts. I knew these days were coming yet I had no idea what each would feel like. This last first was a little gut punch. Each meal seemed different. Each car ride the chats seemed more forward-focused. I had no idea how the experiences would be different. A coach summed it up today with: Take the picture. Smile for the picture. Celebrate. Have fun. Both kids and parents should savor this time before it’s history. These moments won’t be here again. Enjoy this time.

The girls look older this summer. More womanly. Experienced in ways I can’t explain but it carries to their gait. To their spoken words. To their plans ahead. The conversations have changed from what college to who their perfect roommate will be. What the dorm room decor will be. Where they must travel to for spring break. What they need to do solo on their final summer. I can’t lie. It’s fun to watch. It’s an experience I will cherish.

What powerful words to think about. 18 years of building. 18 years of momentum. Then what? A shift. A realignment of sorts. I have one foot on gas and one foot on the brake. I want to freeze time yet I want to speed up time to see what’s next. It’s not my life but I’m still going to be cheering. I’ll also still be there ready to wash the stinky socks. Pack food for the dorm room. And just whatever is asked of me. Because I still want to be a part of the chaos.

To explain life in this moment is hard. However as part of being honest in posting for our readers it’s a part of life worth sharing. A raw part but one experience I share that may be helpful to another approaching this stage of life. My mini me is almost grown up. She has definitely glowed up. Now just needs to get some independent experiences under her belt to be ready to conquer adulthood.

That first job.

That first paycheck.

That first time spending her money. It hits a little differently. That item might really not be worth it for their money now. I am sure she doesn’t see the view I see and that’s okay. One day she will be in my shoes. For now I’m looking forward to exploring my wide open spaces while I see her enjoy her new spaces and places.

Stay tuned as my months ahead turn into days left before she is off. I’m leaving the journal pages blank for now. Waiting to see what fits in and makes the story book.